American Muslima Writer -Daring to Work Towards Jannah

It is a sure sign of the End of Times.  No one I've spoken to in the last month feels Ramadan is coming and is in fact tomorrow.  Not ONE person I spoke to!!!!  This is a scary sign for sure.  It's something the leaders of many countries need to think about.  Why has the excitement for Ramadan been lifted from our hearts.
I'm scared for myself and my family. How will we get through fasting everyday? I really hope with tonight's Sahour, some emotion will begin to register.  It's like everyone knows that it is coming but no one feels the Spirit of it.

So on behalf of those who need a lift right now to feel it more:

RAMADAN KAREEM!!!!!  May Allah enlighten your hearts! Amin!

My parents were planned to come in the end of March so this was the perfect time to switch jobs as I needed a mini vacation. Now financially it's not been easy but I've managed to break all ties with my former company and switch to a new and much better institution for English teaching. But the classes cancel easily and they aren't loading me up so it's difficult.

But YAY my parents did arrive and it's so nice to have time with them! I haven't seen them for 6 years and it's just amazing to see how they've changed and for them to see how much I've changed and my family. Really I could write a whole blog post about their visit and probably will later when i have more time.

If you don't like your job: you get another.
If you don't like your car: you get another.
If you don't like your clothes: you replace them.
If you don't like your house: you get a different one.
If you don't like your husband?
..................... uhhhhhhhhh......................?
If you don't like your kids, too bad, you can't exchange them for others (well at least morally you shouldn't).
If you don't like your parents, you can move out, but they will always be your parents.
If you don't like your in-law, you have to suck it up and negotiate.
So why if a husband is your family, you can replace him with another?
......................uhhhhhhhh.......................?

So in marriage often spouses fight and make up and fight and make up and fight and make up over and over again ad nausium.... so where is the line drawn to when it's time to give up and find another?

Some times that line is clearly crossed when abuse happens yet other times if there is cheating involved.
Yet on the other hand there are women who "stick by their man" and work it out.
In the old culture divorce seems less common than now a days.
We are so used to having everything convienient and easy-to-use that do we look at relationships the same way?
You should have unconditional love for your spouse as you do for your family and kids, yet often he doesn't have this for you and thus you don't have this for him. Maybe he sees you as replaceable so you feel the need to think the same.
In Islam, Divorce is allowed yet disliked. Families should try all methods to stay together as long as they can. Getting help, counceling, intervention..... it all seems so easily typed yet it's very hard to get this for some couples. So they just let it go and break up the marriage.
Other times it is crucial to break it up when someone is being seriously harmed in an unislamic manner.  Yet even then (sometimes often wrongly) people push to keep them in the marriage.

So just some food for thought today.... should your love for your spouse be unconditional or are their lines to be drawn and who draws them? Should they be stated explicitly or only spoken once transgressed?
Hmm lots to ponder.....
I was thinking about this as I was driving home yesterday how strange it is that finding a new job is much like finding a new husband.... gotta look your best, gotta make interviews, follow tangents, pray for help, take the plunge and sign the contract...... pray the job works out and pays for your needs....

weird how similar they are....

But like jobs, can Husbands be FIRED!?!?!

NEW HOUSE, NEW LIFE.

My friend said this to us recently as we moved house and so far it's working well as a new slogan.
I love my black little jelly bean. Just wanna eat it!
Been busy unpacking and sorting out my life more. Seems long term my hecktic job of various hours isn't gonna be good for my life (who'd of thunk it) so I'm seeing if I can set up a private tuition thing of English Teaching and set my own hours and such. Probably better over all. But I'll keep my day job just in case....
I can't even remember the last time i was on the Net or blogged but I'm sure it's been months. I can't believe I used to have time to blog two or three posts in a day!!! Those were the days eh?
I do miss my online and internet pals a lot though. My life right now has no time for friends which is so sad. The only friends I get to talk to now are my consistant students. The ones I see three times a week for two hours. For 6 weeks then I have to hope they come back for more..... hmmmm odd friendship?
Anyways so I'm hoping with the move it'll bring me closer to more social events for my family especially my kids who are now getting old enough to need more social interaction. SO I'll get in touch with the Dubai and Sharjah Muslim Homeschoolers again and see what they are up to, as I now live on the border to Sharjah both events are do-able.
So here's looking to a new year of great plans...and a new life.
BAYT JADEED, HAYYAT JADEED!!!!

How could I get this month out of my head?


It seems like October doesn't even exist. It is some transport time of waiting from the interesting month of September to the bliss of November.



I had plans for November

And they've all been shattered, quite efficiently and brutally.



It was actually the Front Receptionist Security/Military Man at the Jaflia Immigration, Building 15, who was the sign that things were about to turn. The way he double blinked at my daughter's papers. The way he frowned. The furtive whispers between other deck-out-in-military-regalia-men about the problem.

And finally the verdict:



"Sheikh Muhammad has stopped all reductions on Visit Visa Violation Payments."



Those words just ripped through me. WHAT the WHATY WHAT WHAT W H A T ?!?!?!?!?



The tears started flowing and as we stepped outside to face our disappointment I couldn't accept the cold words so carelessly tossed. Blubbering tears and sniffling desperately I turned back in and begged them that there must be some way. ANY way to reduce the amount. There-in lies the beauty of Emirates and being a woman here, especially a Muslim Woman. In a flash I had three high officials swarming us wondering why I was upset and crying. They had a debate about my daughter's papers and decided I might have a chance by talking to upper management or something. We made the rounds at least four times between different sections, no one wanting to take responsibility for helping us. *Such a lovely feeling really* finally we ended back up at Building 15 and pleading again that we've been everywhere and they just send us back here.
Finally this man who so coldly shattered my dreams took the papers to some high officials a few tables down and disappeared into a back office.



Our problem without too much detail: My daughter is 1 year and 7 months over her visit visa stay. AKA Illegal Immigrant. How this happened? When my husband and I didn't have jobs we couldn't afford to pop over the border and get new visit visas monthly, much less paying for a new residency visa. We were too busy just keeping food in the kid's mouths. SO here we are: I wanted to travel to USA to see my family in November. I had this beautiful vacation planned out.......


And eggnog, glorious glorious eggnog in the chill of November....*sigh*



It all hung on getting my daughter's visa sorted and paid off because she can't leave the country until it's paid. And I can't leave her here and go on my own.

.....
...
.
"We've reduced the fine from 60,000 dhs to 27,500 dhs. You pay it or you take your daughter to be banned for one year." He said giving back our papers with a small ripped scrap of paper written 27,500 on it. I begged him again, there must be something!!!! I was thinking it was at 13,000dhs and needed it reduced to like 4,000. Here it was a staggering 60K!!!!!

There is nothing he can do. So we left.

I had to go directly from that emotional disappointment to teaching happily with fun energy and it was all I could do to not break down and cry in front of my students.

Now we are working on different options to get it reduced. Talking to Locals that might know a way through Immigration better than us. Other than that finding someone to loan us 17,500dhs and I pay it back monthly through my Salary.



*sigh* what a mess. Otherwise we are just to go on how we have been with her illegal until we can get that amount saved up.

______________________________________________________________________



Also in late October and November I wanted to move out of my apartment. It’s the only way we WILL ever be able to save. So I've been looking but everywhere wants the payment in 4-6 checks and high upfront costs. I found a lovely little place that is stuck in my heart and I'm dying to move there but it'll cost a nice 11,000dhs to move in (plus 2,000 to MOVE). So how the heck can I manage that or the first Immigration problem? Seems like I'm destined to be stuck where I am for November.

I love this place I found, included swimming pools, with a children's pool, children's play area, grass lawns, gym, security, and best the apartment Ii want has bathTUBS!!! and it faces the playground. I can sit in my house and see them play. Who wouldn't love that? *SIGH* eleven-friggin-thousand dirhams between me and bliss...........



_________________________________________________________________________



I have a goal, a large goal, and enormous monstrous goal ahead of me in November though now. I made it a few days ago on my 9th Wedding Anniversary (October 13th). I will go from my current "official*" weight to 66.5kilos by December 1st, 2011. I've been stuck in the low 70's for sooo long now I need to kick start it down. I've been changing my clothes and my hair and a lot of things about myself and my husband and kids are loving the new me, but I'm not loving all myself as my weight still isn't the healthier me I want.

So that is my huge goal I set for myself. Insha'Allah make strong dua for me to make it.

________________________________________________________________________


Can you believe in the craziness above I also remembered it is National Novel Writing Month in November. I have already signed up and will be battling time and wordcounts again to reach 50,000words at the end of November. So gain words, lose weight.

_________________________________________________________________________


SOOOOOOOOO that is my update as many friends have pondered if I've fallen off the face of the earth.

Love ya, update you again later :D

So I read this Awesome Book! "The Illustrated Pratical Encyclopedia of FITNESS TRAINING" by Andy Wadsworth

And I've been working on my eating plan, made myself a comprehensive healthy eating plan.
Instead of making a specific food for each meal I put the things I can have at that meal time and how many servings of each kind so I can make an informed decision even when I don't have a specific food on hand. (common in my house).

*ahem* yes as I was saying..... RESISTING!!!!  Like last night went with my kids to the park (at 11pm) and on the way we stopped for gas and "snacks" I told them before we went in Healthy snacks only.
OH MY GOODNESS trying to find a healthy snack in a convienience store was like a needle in a haystack. Sure they had fruits, like a pre-packaged Banana and an apple but my kids were not gonna be fooled into thinking that is a snack for parks. and I didn't want to deal with the sticky hands from the juice.  My son started out looking at the marshmellows and I firmly said no, put it back. Then my daughter saw Gummy Cherries, "Look Mommy, your favorite!"  No NO! Put them back!
Then I saw JELLY BEANS!!!! OHHHH I LOVE JELLY BEANS!!!! I was like ok just one bag.... I held onto them as I strolled around. We got to the cookie and cracker aisle. I started checking every package for Carb and sugar counts.... OH the HORROR of high carb counts! 60carbs per serving in most if not more! THen I looked at the back of the Jelly Beans.....WAY more than 60! Stupid me why did I even pick them up...old bad habits! I tossed them aside and finally settled on TUC crackers and SKYLINE crackers. Meanwhile both kids were literally crying and screaming everytime they brought me something sugary and I said No. But their tears just confirmed to me how badly we are all getting sucked into the unhealthy trap.
We made it to the Check-out with only the crackers where COCONUT M&MS assaulted my mind.
I even got sucked into thoughts of "health Bars" with rediculously high carb and sugar counts....which made me put it back....and then on the way out CHEX Trail Mixes in multi-tempting-flavors. I checked the carb counts and was like ummmm not bad carb count until i saw the serving size and servings per bag.. 7-10 servings each bag. So multiply 72 carbs by 7.  342 calories by 10...yeah no thanks......
we got in the car and realized we had forgotten water...but i was NOT going back in there.

 Any of that junk at the park wouldn't have lasted more than 5 minutes, ten max, but those two small packs of crackers lasted the three of us 50 minutes. pretty good! We even found a vending machine at Safa Park (which closes at 11:30pm so we got in free) and I thought the kids would beg for soda but lo and behold they lvoed healthier and begged for water!  YAY!!! Small steps!

It was amazing reading a Weight-Loss Blog "Escape from Obesity" about the brains pathways in habits. Very interesting! Go check it out!

So the last week I spent writing down my plan and fine-tuning everything and prepping myself to resist junks so that on Saturday I can start the workout part.  Yay!  They also have a nice spongy jogging path around the park I'm thinking to use for Rollerblading by myself. Weeee!!!!!

_______________________________________________________
Ah and of course Homeschooling and Work and everything is going on track too!  :D

Thanks for all your support and comments the last post :)

_______________________________________

On that note, I'm hoping to look in far Sharjah or Ajman for a nice house with a YARD for my kids to play in and have lesser rent prices. The only drag will be the long drive to Dubai for fun or Work, and lets hope the car doesn't break down....
But at least we will be further from the corruption and ........ the sea......
___________________________________________________________________________

In other news.... this is the first gun-crime I have heard of in UAE since I've come here!
Armed robbery in a convieninece store I believe in Sharjah!!!! They got 80,000 DHS!
No one has guns here except Police.
It was like some weird twilight zone feeling reading that news article.
"What? ARMED robbery?" "Maybe it's a typo?"
"There aren't guns here!"

It's a sign for sure.....     yeah maybe just stick with Ajman, Sharjah's getting pretty rough.
___________________________________________________________________________

Ah and good news finally for Quoz Industrial 2: Al Khail Gate Complex:
They started planting Palm Trees on the main Road entering near my house. And they got a BUS(F-15) to come into our area now that goes to Noor Islamic Metro Station.  So actaully people wont have to walk across the desert now. Althought he bus takes so darn long poeple walk anyways. But there is hope for the poor poeple here.  We might get some more trees and flowers in the next two years...it's hoped. I still can't see greenery near my house and kids still play in dirt... but still....slowly things are changing.




....of course as I want to move out......  :p

So much to discuss where can I start?
It is the new Islamic Month of Rajab, the Holy Month of Allah, to ask for forgiveness and make Astagfirullah. Purify your hearts more in preparation for Ramadan only two months away.
Seek deep connection with Allah in Sujood and in the night.
I am dealing with a mess of problems right now and it's all converging on my head and sometimes when you feel so overwhlemed you need to just step back and let some of them gloss over or leave them up to Allah.

I finally got a job last month as an English Teacher for an Education Center. It's a very demanding job with not nessisarily long hours but longer than I'm used to from my past work. But on the side it needs a lot of preparation at home. Hours and hours at home with my kids but having to ignore them so I can plan out lesson after lesson for all my classes of various levels. It breaks my heart. Completly.
But this is the Dunya and life is not easy.  I must help provide for my family. There is no other choice.
My children would suffer far worse than lack of time with me if I didn't work.

Having time to homeschool my kids has been the most difficult problem to overcome.  Last year when i was overwhlemed time wise I delayed my daughter by giving her "vacation periods" as needed. Where learning was minimized liek a summer vacation but still would cover the basics. I can't do that at this point. It's time for her 1st grade to end if I want to keep her on track. I had hoped this was the year to kick start her advancement but too many issue kept mounting up. I wanted her to start 2nd grade last september and then latest in January but it all fell through. Now I really need to kick it into high gear and get her through the last unit and finished then plan out the 2nd grade curriculum.
Also I really need to get my kids into some kinda club or outdoor playing routine for the Summer. Expenses are tighter than ever so that will be a big challenge.

Always there are the problems in a family, especialy a marriage relationship, to deal with. Always wifey stuff that has to get done and motherly stuff too.

Also I have a big SUPER challenge to get the rest of this weight off. I started out after my daughter at 115 kilos and got it down to 88kilos before preg with my son. Then after the birth of my son I was 104kilos. I've lost 30 kilos so far but I've been hovering at 74-73 Kilos now for a year unable to get under this palateu. My goal is by October 13th to reach 63 kilos.  Which will be healthy for my height. I've been getting stronger and more toned but the fat has still remained on top. It's not going to be easy to balence all these pressures on my time. I think 4 months is plenty of time to lose 10 kilos in a healthy way. Especially squeezing Ramadan in there and weight can madly fluctuate.

Speaking of Ramadan I need to make up some past fasts urgently.....

Nothing can be set aside at this point for a few months.  It's all going to take a seriously dedicated super organized schedule to pull it off and a serious firm commitment from me to actaully follow it without slacking.
*sigh* makes me exhausted just thinking of planning it.  I'm sure I've said all this a half dozen times before but I'm ever committed to always having hope of improvement.

Never give up hope in your life or you'll never win. Good Luck to you all this summer.

Where on this whole earth would you want to live if you could go anywhere for free and live there? What's your dream?


In my Queenly domain of Al-Quoz Industrial, covered in sand and a few paved roads. A lone tree on the side of the road attracts many world-weary men to crouch under it in the heat of the day. It is the sole source of shade between an intersection of hot asphalt and the remainder of the journey across dusty sand. There is no sidewalk to ease the journey to the local market. If you can't bare another trip through the sands you can walk on the road, at your own hazard of being hit by speeding cars or large industrial trucks hauling their goods.

Once you finally reach your haven of home and the shade of the buildings there is relief from the heat for the skin, but what of relief for the eyes? The eyes grown too accustomed to the tan color of sand, the beige buildings that cry for color. Here and there a shirt hanging or a window left open provides a hint of brightness to a stark landscape. Sometimes I used to wonder why the native desert people had such garish taste in color patterns for their clothes. Now I understand. It's so damn dull to see sand color day in and day out, you need something garishly shocking to make you feel a bit happier.

There are sections placed in our area for plants and even black hoses to water them installed, but where is the greenery? There is nothing here to cool our eyes. There is no leafy tree for our children to climb and feel the amazing texture of bark. There are no flowers for young girls to pick and tuck behind their ears. There are no worms for young boys to dig up and explore. There is only sand, sand, sand, and asphalt. These companies that own these properties make billions and billions of dollars a year and they can't even put in a few trees and flowers!?!?!

Sure this is the price many must pay for city life. You get to be close to a Metro, Malls, Money-opportunities...all those "good" things that begin with M. But what is it doing to our children? I grew up for a few years in a poor neighborhood just off the ghettos of South Tucson. There were trailers and poor people galore, but AT LEAST THEY HAD TREES AND FLOWERS!!!! My best friend had an awesome climbing tree in her own yard! Man the joy we had on that! I'd wander the neighborhood collecting flowers and plants I liked. Sometimes I'd get told off in Spanish but it was worth the price. I helped my parents take care of our little garden. Enjoyed running my feet through the grass. With such richness to explore what does a child care about poverty? What do my children have? Sand, lots of it. They have become excellent diggers. If I let them bring water they can make mud and build things.

Sure there are parks in Dubai. But for many families these aren't feasible to reach. Especially daily as kids need to get out and get rid of built up energy. It takes a long walk across aforementioned sand with the lone tree to reach the buses to take you to the park or you have to pay an arm at least to take a taxi. If you want to take the free shuttle to Mall of Emirates you cannot bring bulky items that you will be forced to haul around like scooters and such. Trying coordinate times to catch the next shuttle back home without missing the last one or having to sit for an hour or more with two fidgety kids is a tricky feat.

I want more for my kids. I want them to have their own space full of greenery. I want this for all the other kids suffering here forced to play with asphalt and dirt. Maybe we are better off then most but even many impoverished people have trees around them. When I get a job I was planning to save up and buy a lot of plants to put on our balcony and make it our own private garden. But when they go downstairs to play there will still be roads and dirt.

Sometimes the life of a farmer or nomad or anyone who gets to live off very close to the wildreness pulls at my heart. I'd love for my kids (me too) to be able to frolic through a forest searching for mystery around every tree. Jumping over a creek or climbing on rocky slopes. Feeling fresh and natural. Like life was supposed to be lived. Allah created plants for our use and for us to recognise His Greatness in the creation of Beautiful things. That is one of His Names: Al-Musawwir, the Shaper of Beauty. One of my favorite Names.
We weren't meant to be contained in a concrete jungle like we live in a zoo. Everything artificial and dull.
How do you gain such a life? How do you find means to live?


Where on this whole earth would you want to live if you could go anywhere for free and live there? What's your dream?

OK so it's a derogatory term that I never liked but in this case it's well aptly used and has no actual conitation to Indians.
Indian Giver was a term given to Native Americans who would "sell" you something of theirs, say Fur-lined boots for $20, but with their religious beliefs nothing was ever NOT theirs even when given away/sold, so often they would return and "take back" their item, without refunding the new owner their money. So basically they would take back what they had given.
Yeah like i said it's a crappy term but some people would do this. Not all American Indians of course are like this or would condone this, and I agree. It was a rough life out there on both sides of the fence and sadly the Indians often got the short end of the stick.
Which brings me to my Blog topic:
I've been searching long and hard for a job once Magrudy's Layed me off, (and SEVERAL others). Everyday I and my husband (especially my husband) have been sending out my CV (RESUME) for any job I remotly even had a chance at, and many I'd be perfect for. My Husband's Salary cannot support us alone. Not even close. Which is no fault of his, just reality. So I have to work (for those who would insist I should stay home).
I've had many many interviews with such a variety of companies. Each one you set out early in the day, dressed to the Business NINES, carrying a sunny smile and a winning attitude. You go through the ordeal of a tough interview with your dignity intact and then sit and WAIT AND WAIT for a call or confirmation.
Mostly nothing returns. Even though I keep getting top-listed for jobs there is always that SOMEONE who has that tad more experience or WASTA or degree that puts them in front of me. Finally FINALLY I recieved a callback for a second interview. Thrilled, I double prepared! Triple prepared!
I went to the second interview and nailed it head on! They e-mailed me the next day with an offer for a high Administration Position! My whoops of gleee could be heard at the top of Burj Khalifa. I jumped around screaming with my kids in the hallway as I told EVERYONE the good news. Thank Allah! My children wont starve next month! My Nanny wont be forced to leave from lack of pay!
Do you FEEL my excitement here? They called me the next day to confirm the offer and Salary.
A few days passed and my husband started to worry why they aren't calling me back to sign the contract. I said no problem they are busy, everyone just got back from Spring Break, maybe things are chaotic.
Finally I emailed them and waited a few more days then fianlly called them (twice). On the phone again I asked if the offer still stands despite the delay and was assured yes it does.
WOO HOOOOO!!!!
Stopped sending my CV out. Stopped accepting interviews. I prepared a detailed schedule for my kids and Nanny and began implimenting it so there would be a smooth transition back to working life. It's certainly not easy to get kids to bend to new rules and timings! It was a cranky house for a week, but it got smoothed out!
I even went shopping for groceries for the begining of next month, over spending a little just to make sure I wouldn't have to go shopping for a few weeks while trying to get into the routine of my new job.

I was mid-shower when the phone rang.

I finished up and hopped out and called the School back. The CEO changed the contract details of the qualifications, thus denying me the position. The offer was taken back, despite the overwhelming approval of my canidacy from the Head HR and Admissions Manager.
I do not get the job after all.

I'm a Customer Service Executive, so I keep my cool when people say and do crappy things to me (well professioanlly anyways), and so I polietly thanked them and calmly hung up.
I sat there on the edge of the bed, wrapped in a towel, drops of water rolling off my hair to splat on the tile floor and just looked numbly at the sun shining through the curtain of my bedroom sliding door. I just kept thinking SubhanAllah, Allah didn't want me to have this job and He wanted me to have insha'Allah something better than this. So I said my Alhamdulillahs despite my depressed mood.

 A heartbeat later my husband comes home in a jolly mood, cracking jokes and nuzzling our kids hello, making them giggle. I swollow hard. I don't want to break his cheerful mood. He greeted me and asked me if I heard back from the school. I winced and nodded. At my unhappy face he was like "What happened!"
So I told him.

It was downhill from there. Sunshine gone like a sudden blizzard on the praire. He couldn't sleep that night too angry in his heart about the sudden taking back of the job offer, and my Nanny too. It was confirmed in writing and verbally TWICE! I googled if this was even LEGAL, apperently it is even though it's crappy.

It's now the end of the month and because I lost a week and a half from the job search market I have no interviews scheduled until hopefully into the last days of April or begining of May. I'm mentally kicking myself for stopping sending my CV. On top of that through a glitch in the system of my husband's company he wont be getting his full paycheck until NEXT month at the end of May.  Thank Allah I stocked up on food but that was the last of our money. We'll have to resort to borrowing again and paying them back when I get paid, which is what we had to do when I had to start working for Magrudy's thus most of my monthly salaries went back to paying off people, May Allah Bless Them. Living like this is just depressing though. Having to resort to begging and borrowing again. UGH!
I was soooooo done with that when we left Al-Ain.

But I always have my Faith. Allah wont let us starve to death. He will give us something better soon. I put my trust in Him to get me a job or some means of providing for my family. Insha'Allah something turns up. Make du'a. There are a lot of people in worse situations.


So Raffles School, you are officially and professionally.......the Title of my Blog Post.
May Allah guide you from doing this to other people.