American Muslima Writer -Daring to Work Towards Jannah

I am out of my mind with depression and misery and anxiety, waiting for that next hit. Trying to hold it off as long as possible. Yearning for that mad rush every time I take a bit. "I'm not a heavy user" I claim, yet there I go sneaking hits here and there. Sometimes I've gone a few days to a week without it... was I miserable? You betcha. Does my family realize the extent I go to get my drugs? Not at all. I hide it in different forms. I sneak it into the house under false pretenses. Sometime I even get my rush outside the house. Taking the kids out somewhere and I know they wont notice my purchase. They love their mother's sudden rush of energy and excitement.

I am addicted to Sugar. I have a sugar sensitivity to where my body craves it as deeply as any narcotic drug. If I don't get it I have wretched withdrawal symptoms. When I get a hit, I get a sugar high Ecstasy users would dream of. And I found out recently just how much it is ruining my life. Every time I get a bit of sugar my body becomes accustomed to the effects requiring me to need more and more over time until now it's come to the point large doses don't affect me and I have to seek out more high sugar content. A spoonful of pure Brown Sugar, or Honey, or sneaking in a juicy oozy Extra Large Kit Kat Bar with dribbly caramel. I save the KitKat for days when I'm super low. Or when I've saved up enough for my habit a large Iced Coffee with Mint Chocolate flavor with whip cream and caramel on top with a rich super chocolate cake. Arg, I'm drooling on my keyboard now and wishing I had the money to pop up to the Mall...

But there is hope for me and for you too if you are sugar sensitive and call yourself a "Sugar Addict" or "Chocoholic". My friend lent me the book "Potatoes NOT Prozac" and BOY OH BOY! did it open my eyes! This is one book recently I've been reading to battle my depression and to help overcome my mental meltdown I had a few weeks back. We'll discuss the other books I read and things I implemented later lets get back to the Potaters. So I reluctantly and dutifully copied all the info I'd need from the book into my own Food Journal. I've been lazy as all get out to do it properly everyday. But slowly I'm trying to ease the sugars down and be more aware of my body's responses to it. It has been helping.

Along with the other books I've been reading I feel more peaceful and better about life now alhamdulillah. Things are definitely turning around and all is not lost or hopeless. I appreciate your comments and concerns in the last post, it really helped me to know there are so many caring poeple out there.

Means someone's thoughts that are not yet FACT.

It is Darwin's theory of Evolution NOT Darwin's FACTS on Evolution. Yet everyone treats it as facts and forces us to learn it in school where Creationism is not allowed.

I spent a number of years as an Atheist studying Darwin's works and held great admiration for what he achieved with his life and was set to stick my Darwin Fish on my car when i first owned one.

There were number of questions though that I never found answers to. Answers that the "Great" Darwin could not answer. Some Questions for the curious like:


Why if we descended from Monkeys/chimps are their STILL monkeys and chimps that have not evolved? Surely they would have long ago changed too. What about all the other animals that have not evolved over the centuries and are still very similar to it's original?



Also the ever present, What was there before the BIG BANG? How did it "randomly" spark? There have been many THEORIES about it but nothing that holds water for long unless, get this, YOU JUST BELIEVE. Yes, you have to BELIEVE in Darwinism to just accept that molecules and atoms randomly sprung together to create this ordered and well maintained universe. It's a leap of Faith in science.


One I no longer share. Alhamdulillah. Don't get me wrong I DO understand that some animals and some things change with time just like a river carving it's way through the Grand Canyon. But I do not believe WE HUMANS started out from monkeys/chimps. The river remains a river, the rock of the canyon remains rock. They each change a little but are THE SAME...It has been clear from my studies on Islam in these matters that Allah created Adam and he was huge compared to us. And in Jannah we will be given back larger bodies. So I do see things from two sides really kinda a blend of Darwin/Creation. I believe Allah created everything with set scientific rules. As things reproduced and changed slowly it is by HIS WILL and PLAN. Take my husband and myself and our children, each child looks exactly like half of each of us. They are the blending of two distinctly different races of HUMAN. They will later reproduce with different features creating completely different people with measurements different from me and my husband. These are known facts. But they will remain shorter or taller examples of HUMANS not anything else.
Now I have seen some deeply inbred people with thick brows and chunky heads that if dressed in a monkey suit could pass for monkey or neanderthal but yet they remain human and if married to someone of lighter browed, higher foreheaded person, would produce different children etc... my point of all this is though we humans do change looks and style depending on location or breeding patterns we still remain human and I truly believe we always HAVE been all the way back to Adam when he was Created by Allah. After all Allah created the other forms so why should Human be any more difficult? We have a different soul perhaps but that is another Post to ponder on. The point is that no one on this earth is the gigantic portions of Adam because of the way we've changed but none of us is any closer to changing into a different species.

So a few years after becoming Muslim I realized I cannot BELIEVE the theory of Darwin and although I totally BELIEVE Allah's Creation, I do see some Middle Ground I think scientist should focus on to improve knowledge instead of fighting all the time.


{By the way I do know all the Darwin sided points about the old "Who created God stuff" after all I used to battle Christians on it long ago so don't bother to fight it out with me ok. I'm just putting out my THEORY of ALL of Creationism and PART of Darwin.}

My Adventures in Tucson had a funny post about Authors and their faces on the backs of books.

For me I do not like their faces on the backs, whether large or small. But especially hate the large photos. I do like them on the inside of the book in the back. Yet sometimes they certainly surprise you how the author looks doesn't match with the image in your head. But with their faces on the back every time you shut the book you are taken a bit out of fantasy zone that half this book is an advertisement venue for the author. As I said in comment to Advn. in Tucson "It's kinda like watching a movie in the theater with the lights on." You can get into the movie plot but you keep getting distracted by the guy three rows down picking his nose then sticking his hand into the popcorn he shares with his friend. I.E. Reality Intervenes.
But it got me wondering, what about Muslim and Muslimah Authors? Do they put their pictures in their books? First point of course is some people believe photos are haram of people, lets not get into that. If that is your opinion ok. For those that view people pictures as ok think about this:
You just read a fabulous Science-Fiction book by made-up-author Lacy White. You reach the back after a satisfying ending and there is a color photo of a middle aged Muslimah white convert with a lovely green hijab that matches her eyes. She is smiling a beautiful yet modest writer's smile. What do you think of?
Firstly are you surprised that this Sci-Fi book which had nothing to do with Islam was authored by a Muslim?
Are you surprised she's a hijabi in the picture?
Do you think she is supporting the role that we Muslimahs can be great writers?
Or do you think her wearing hijab means she should NOT be putting her face all over the world and into the hands of non-mahram men?
Do you think she should not be smiling in case some weird man becomes attracted to her and starts stalking her?

What would Muslims and Non-Muslim's reactions be to a picture of just a black swathed niqabi picture for the Author Picture. Or even dare I say a fully burka swathed photo. Some might say the alter is pointless but is it? You know that this author is a burka wearing muslimah and come to some conclusions about her by her writing and what she is wearing, one thing is for sure though there is that shock by a non-muslim that what they read was written by THIS!

For current Muslim and Muslimah authors out there do you put your picture on your books? What do you write about yourself in the Author Descriptions? What do you feel about your fellow authors who choose to do the opposite from what you feel?

I had thought of this question a long time ago when I was first putting hijab. I thought when I authored a book, should I put my picture of me in hijab? Should I wear colored hijab? Should I smile? Should I let my eyes sparkle? Should I leave off the picture? Should I mention in the author description I'm a Muslim Convert. Especially with a name like mine writing Islamic Fiction it might be seen as odd and surely someone would want to know who the heck is this Brandy person doing talking about Islam. For non-Islamic Fiction would it be a turn off for readers to know you're Muslim? Would they stop buying your books? Some perhaps afraid of becoming brainwashed by your subtle words encouraging Islam (you know secret Islamic conspiracy messages).

What are your views on this issue?

It was weird feeling not having Internet for a while. I'm used to checking in twice daily to see if someone posted something new or to blog or to do something online like research something ANYTHING!!! Not having that was a big wake up call about other things i could be doing lol.



By the way I finished writing my Short Story for the contest and edited and all that. It was crazy trying to keep it less than 2000 words. I added in descriptions of costumes and meanings of the beautiful names I had researched then when it came down to editing IT ALL GOT CUT OUT so i was a bit miffed at the process. But say if it was a 5000 limit I'd have a much more descriptive story. Now I just need someone to proofread it to catch any errors. ANY TAKERS?

My husband calls me up and I'm sleeping... I'm expecting him to say "Please before I get home can you have this or that done in the house" when he surprises me!


"Is it possible for you to do some landscape designing today? I want you to make a new house design by Maghrib to submit to a possible client."





Woooo HOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(by the way i was looking on google for a good pic for this post and typed in obedient and found this amazing plant that perfectly ties in with my landscape designing and duty to my husband: The Obedient Plant [Physostegia Virginiana] amazing, apparently it's bendable and stays how you bend it.... hmmm do you think Muslim men are gonna start growing these?)

Think hard:
"Hypothetical Question":

There is a new law in all first world and second world countries stating you can only have one child. In the next 72 hours armed government officials will be coming to everyone's house and taking all but one of your children. Unless they were born as twins. Which must be documented.

Do you choose to be a law abiding citizen and give up your children? If so how do you choose which one to keep?

Do you choose to run from the law and take your children and family away where no government officials will find you? If so where will you go and how will you keep the gov from finding you?

Don't make fun of anyone who chooses something different that what you'd pick ok. This is open to all points of view. Let's hear them....

I'm making a new picture for my sidebar but I really can't choose which one would look the best. So I though why not let me beloved readers choose! You can either use the poll above for anonymous choosing or use the comment to let me know. OR BOTH! Just let me know either way. You have until March 15th. Then I'm going to choose the one with the highest votes.

By the way I'm not nationalistic in any way nor do I believe America is better than any other country in the world. When choosing a name for my blog I wanted something that reflected who I am. i AM an American. i AM Muslim. i AM a writer. So the flag is just a fun thing not something I take wholly seriously. So please don't get all uppity about it lol. It's just a fun thing to do.

So without further blathering... I present you the choices: (numbered for easy reference)

Thanks for voting!

The beauty of the Blogs that I enjoy most is being able to write something that affects my emotions and sharing it with others instantaneously. Many times during my week I run into something and tell someone or say to myself "That's Bloggable!". Meaning I just had an interesting experience and I'm sure someone else in the world would find it interesting too.

For me personally I don't always get the time to write in my novels and I can't even have time to prepare to think about the characters and switch modes from real life to fantasy. But with blogs I can just stretch my writing brain, using words to describe something not newsworthy but still important to me. I also like the fact no matter what time of day it is you can see immediate responses because people all over the world are on at different times.

Without blogging I'm sure my brain would be down to three worded sentences that I use daily. No-no don't touch. Go get shoes. Gimme the spoon. You want num-num? I love you.

I really enjoy having a way to link to the world and discuss a myriad of topics that affect us all. Sometimes people post things that inform me or open my eyes to a different way of life. Mostly though I enjoy the posts that inspire me to better myself and my life and make me realize that not everything is always as difficult as it seems. These are the post I TOO aspire to write but again part of the fun of writing as I please is writing about whatever I please no matter the audience.

Some have commented before that I blog such an odd assortment but that just comes from suddenly me seeing or feeling something and saying "That's Bloggable!" So what inspires you to make a blog topic?