Our souls deep within strive and struggle everyday to search for a way to find that deep inner peace, that oneness with the universe and the Creator of All. Realizing your place in the finite yet absolutely enormous reaches of space. Feeling in your heart and mind the answer to lifelong questions that beseech humanity.
Why are we here? What is our purpose in this life? What happens after we die? How can we achieve inner peace and contentment no matter our lot in life?
Many of us in this world and especially those of us in the blogosphere have searched long and hard for these answers. Yet I feel most of us have forgotten this long struggle for our souls. Upon discovering the beauty and perfection in Islam we immediately adapted our lives to follow the ways of our Blessed Prophet Muhammad Sallahu Alayhi wa Salim. We struggled day and night everyday of our lives to learn the words of the prayers and to push our bodies to accept the fasting we willed upon it for the sake of our Lord. Even in poverty we spent from our means to help others and at times we felt it. That peace. That deep inner peace. We feel Allah, our One, Beloved God, and the feeling brings us that peace until tears flow down our faces in gratitude.
Then the troubles and trials of the world interfere and slowly slowly ever so slowly we start forgetting. Easing farther and farther away from that peace. Frustration, sadness, depression, pain, anger, laziness, and exhaustion overwhelm our minds and hearts and we bob out our prayers more like robots than Muslims. We fast trying to sleep as much possible to make only a few hours of pain until we can stuff our faces with the feasts we prepared. Then comes the night, the Night of Power. Therein we strive to make up that lost ground and return to the fold of peace that enveloped our souls at the beginning of our journey in Islam. Some of us succeed and other spend the night in laughing, gossip, and chatter, or worse.
I KNOW that we are faced with ups and down in our Imans. I do know and accept this, BUT....
Just this week I realized I said Shahada August 5, 2001. It has been almost a decade since I said Shahada. A DECADE!
I find it absolutely unacceptable and pathetic that I am not more proficient in Islam. It is unacceptable and pathetic to me that I have not achieved a constant, or EVEN weekly, inner peace.
My soul craves that peace like no other thing right now.
Had I gone to University to become a Doctor I'd have managed to become a Neurological Surgeon by now. How is it then that I have not managed to learn to read Arabic better or speak it more fluently or memorized more Qur'an? How is it I still Struggle to remember to pray my 5 prayers on time without missing one. How is it I used to manage Sunnah Prayers yet now I don't have time? How is it possible that I am not better in Islam.
Islam is Submission to Peace. By following it (Islam) you find that Inner Peace. So by conclusion I can only surmise I am not following it enough. I am missing out on something essential that is not letting me attain this peace within. Am I doing sins? Probably as we all sin. But am I seeking forgiveness and repentance from these sins? Am I beseeching Allah Subhana wa Ta'ala for his forgiveness and to bring myself closer to Him. Am I dedicating my life to His service and way provided by the teachings of the Peaceful Muhammad Sallalahu Alayhi wa Salim? Am I immersing myself too much in worldly life and not enough in spiritual life? Am I forgetting how short this life is and how soon I will be in my grave wishing I had spent my youth and time in Prayer? I must search more to continue the struggle towards Allah.
Much to think on for us all on how to not forget that searching and questioning we strove for upon accepting Islam. How to again see the world anew with Peace in our Hearts and Souls.
We must NOT forget Peace.
We must NOT forget Allah.
Assalamu Alikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatu