American Muslima Writer -Daring to Work Towards Jannah

AHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

Scream of Fear or Happiness, could be both.

I realized National Novel Writing Month 2010 will begin in a few weeks!!!!

I SAID....

YES!

It's been a crazy time in my life the past few months.  My husband has been out of work and money has always been tight but more so these last few months. You all know what a firm position I take on staying home with my kids and dealing with household tasks and Homeschooling my two kids.
Now things are flipped around and I got a job.

Alhamdulillah it's part time for now so I still have time for my kids when I get home.

Whoa it has been so long since I blogged... can't really believe it myself I've been away so long. Here's a bunch of randoms thoughts...

But I have great news to share!

I'm getting published!!!!

Can't leak details yet but I will have 2 short story islamic Fiction published and three poems and 6-8 artworks published!!! YAY!

So that is what I have been working on the past few months. April saw the contest for 1 short story and a poem, May I worked on another short story (well two really but I couldn't finish the second in time) and two more poems. June has seen the emergence of an artist :D I've been working hard at designing some black and white drawings (which is not an easy medium to work in).

I signed my first legal Publishing forms yesterday and gotta get them into the mail this week. YAY!

Sometimes I enjoy those milestones where I sign my name at the bottom line...getting my own bank account, my own apartment, marriage contract, passports for my children, publishing deals. There is just an immense satisfaction in writing my name at the end of months of work.

On the personal side of things, I'm working on completing a long to-do list that I promised myself I would complete BEFORE I try to open my own business. Seems the time is ripe for having my own shop and researching for this business is way down on the bottom of my list. I don't want to overwhelm myself with too much stuff which is why I made myself this promise. When the check list is completed only then will I take the plunge. It's not necessarily a hard list with items like :
Sort and file papers that are cluttered in the book shelf.
Sort out the medicines (which have been stuffed in bags and piled up for years) and I just finished this chore yesterday.
Wean my son.

He's almost at the two lunar year mark and I gotta figure out a strategy to wean him without it being torment for either of us. He's so severely attached ever since i tried to wean him back in April. But I cannot be trying to make business deals with a toddler trying to undo my jilbab, not at all professional eh?

So slowly I'm getting there....

I made this month's chart for my daughter long ago for her Homeschooling and it has the names of the month vertically listed with a season symbol next to it. I made it back in December of last year. How far away June and July felt. With their bright yellow sun symbol. Even March,April,May with the raindrop symbol seemed ages, now they are gone. I have accomplished so many goals this year yet still I feel it's all moving too slow on the home front. I still struggle with my ADD everyday to get things done quickly and orderly. Nearly everything on my to-do-list has to do with my home. Because I don't feel I can be successful outside my home if the inside is chaos. So I'm still trying to Calm my chaos.

Today's chore will be going through the kid's toys and weeding out old ones they don't even look at anymore and donating them to charity.

I love PEZ Candy toys, they come in favorite characters my kids love like Tigger, Pooh, Pirates, Tinkerbell Fairies, and the best part is islamically they are good because they don't have bodies. they are hollow with just a head on top that opens. And they double to serve a special treat when the kids have been good, suddenly they will open the pez that has stood empty for ages and find candy inside...hehehe i love that game.

One of my friends is leaving the country soon and she gave me a lot of her children's toys and her daughter's clothes. her daughter is 8 and mine is 4 and I was so happy to get these hand me downs because they fit my daughter perfectly, masha'Allah she's so tall, and now I don't have to buy her new clothes for a long while. Maybe til next year.
Ah my daughter, what interesting things we've been up to. I've always tried to steer her to some tough sports like sword fighting, martial arts, but alas she has alas succumbed to the age old tradition of wanting to be a girlie pink ballerina dancer. *sigh* I'm loathing having purchased "The twelve dancing princesses" she suddenly become a barbie movie addict. But at least so far Barbie doesn't have lengthy kissing scenes like Disney does. I mean really have you ever realized how long or deeply Pocohontas is kissing John Smith before Kocoum comes to battle him? It's embarrassing! I'm like Sweetie, come tell me what this is and how it works (to any random toy in the room) to distract her from the movie scene. The barbie movie, after they got married it just showed them holding hands. Much better..... arg everytime they ask for a Disney movie I just feel I'm corrupting my children..... but I explain things along the way Islamically, like we don't do this, or this is not right to do, we don't dress like this (ala Jasmine, Pocohontas) etc.... it's so hard walking the line between cultures.
She's reading really well though. I'm so proud of her!

We are having a new schedule where their father takes one child with him to pick up his workers from the worksite so that leave me with quality one on one time with a child to enhance their bonding time and learning time. it's really been working out well. And boy is it calming to have one kid in the house again. I feel much better so that when the second child returns happy from their excursion with Baba I can warmly and honestly happily greet them.

Also more good news as of June, my husband quit his last job and was able to get a financial backer to open his own business. So now he's the boss with his own working hours, which has been weird to have him home so often but nice too. The kids are happy to have him around more too. Although on the slight downside I have to have the house more tidier than it used to be. Instead of letting them muck it up with their toys and doing a mass cleaning twice a day before Baba gets home I'm constantly having to pick things up as they knock them down... a little exasperating when I just wanna get through my to-do list but still... at least we get to see his kind face more... :D Also money has been even more tight without him having a boss to fall back on in times of need. So we are just struggling along making sure we have a roof over our heads and a food from each step of the food pyramid to eat everyday, well for our kids to eat everyday, we tend to miss a few steps everyday...but that is life, sacrificing for your children. Alhamduliallah.

My parents were worried because I haven't been bloggin for so long LOL. So Mom this update is for you too :)

So I'm doing overall pretty well. Some days better than others but still... I'm here and that is better than the alternative :D

As for all of those wonderful sisters waiting for me to add them to the All Muslimah Blog Directory, thank you for being patient, it's been crazy these last few months. I'm working on setting down a day to add everyone (en mass). So bare with me and keep checking out other sister's blog and supporting them.

I appreciate all the comments' I've gotten on my blog recently! masha'Allah. I apologise I don't get much time to comment back but I appreciate reading them and posting them for others to read.

For my beautiful sistas on Ivory Rouge, bare with me too hon, I'm trying to get time set aside again to get back into the blogging swing to read all your blogs again. I see sometimes titles you posted and it makes me smile but I haven't gotten the chance to get around to comment properly :( forgive me. Well that goes for all of you bloggers really too, I'm trying to find time to comment more. Fro some weird reason my PC shuts down access to certain blogs. Rudely the ones that are my favorites. ARG! So it takes ages to load and then get through the messed up graphics it loads and the error signs, then finally I get to read the post and then i gotta run off and do something before I get to comment.....pssshh the computer world is so crazy sometimes.

As if I didn't have enough stuff to do with my time, FaceBook has caught me and sucked me into it's depths. it's been nice meeting old acquaintances I knew from Tucson again, and meeting up with new people I know from writing, blogging, and the Islamic Writer's Alliance group (IWA) that I joined. You can add me under the name BRANDY AZ CHASE ... which is the new pen name I've decided to have, the AZ standing of course for Aminah-Zahira, my islamic name.

So that's what I've been up to recently and I had to just gush it out or it would never get said, I have dozens of post ideas waiting of the time to write them and post them but for now they must wait int eh back of my mind on my mental to-do list :p

Love ya All and miss going to your blogs.
Brandy AZ Chase ;) :D

Have you ever wished time did not exist?

Have you ever felt there were just not enough hours in the day?

Me too. I think I'm in the middle of a quarter-century life crisis. My previous "Bad Mother Award" Post was just the tip of the iceberg. There is sooo much more. And it all has to do with time.


I've heard about some people having mental breakdowns. I'm not sure what that entails but I sure do feel I've had one everyday this week. I feel I have 50 million projects on my head and they all need to be done simultaneously and thus they all get half-done. Everything in my life only gets half my attention. I have no more time to give it except for that. Thus my mental breakdowns. I'm sick of everything being halves and not wholes. I just can't handle it anymore.

The problem starts with what I perceive to be an, immodestly put, Brilliant Idea. I MUST do this Brilliant Idea NOW! Thus I push everything else back to the waiting shelf while I tinker on it. But that darn shelf is sooo overloaded already with shelved things and people that things start popping off and bonking me on the head forcing me to deal with them and interrupting my present tinkering. Well today as I threw cooking stuffed tomatoes and bell peppers onto the shelf while taking down the vacuum cleaner, because Hubby popped off the shelf bonking me on the head to remind me to do it, the whole freaking shelf gave a mighty groan and broke to smithereens. And let me tell you, the crap that came rolling off that shelf was not a pretty picture. Now I am chin-high in all the ideas I've ever had for my life and no where to put them.

Are you with me now on the level of my mental breakdown?
I spent the day lolling around not knowing what to do with myself. Every time I looked around at the pile I'd pick up something interesting and turn it around in the gleam of my eye but then with everything piled around it it no longer seemed to hold it's appeal. My kids of course having their own labeled stairs and slide up and down that shelf could tell it was broken and were happy to run amok no longer having to be told to wait a moment while Mommy does this or that. So they ran amok throwing my shelved items hither and thither. My friend here in Al-Ain called in the middle of this shelf collapse. Wanted to know if I wanted to meet her at al-Ain Mall. I looked around at my invisible mess, my physical mess the kids made, and the fact that it would take us a half an hour to get there and told her the truth about the time. She said by that time she would have left the mall so there was no point to bother for now. *sigh* ahh...alhamdulillah said my mind as I hung up. It would have been awkward anyways with me so messed up mentally to make good conversation. I don't think I would have withstood the pressure of acting normal. I would have broke down crying in the middle of BabyShop's Super Sale bemoaning my broken shelf for all and sundry to hear. Yeah soooo glad I was able to keep it in the house.
I messaged my husband a few times about the state of my mind: not good. In the evening he finally called me and offered to take us out for dinner since it was an emergency day.

Mentally for me this was like I just went shopping for new shelf supplies, stronger brackets, bigger screws, a power drill, a slab of steel for the shelf instead of wood. I now had the tools.

So Hubby surprised me with taking us to Pizza Hut. Better yet was when my son fell asleep for the entire meal! Those of you with kids, yes I hear your hisses of envy. Daughter contented herself with discovering the joys of the Parmesan Cheese shaker and trying to copy her father's eating habits. Which left Hubby and I to start building my shelf. Deciding what should go back on the shelf and what should be tossed in the trash, what needed to be organized into boxes and put to sit, and which priorities should be on the actual to-do list. I guess it was almost like a Spring Cleaning of my life.

I have to focus first and foremost on Islam. Because first I am a Muslim, plain and simple.

Next I am myself. I have to take care of myself as in clothes, showers, grooming, weight, etc...

Third and Fourth tie as I am a Wife and Mother. I have to do what wifely things need to be done like the ever difficult for me cleaning and cooking etc... and for the children the Homeschooling and playing and giving love etc...

Now Fifth and so on are where it became hard to make decisions and I felt like that power drill just wasn't gonna be able to fix my shelf after all.
Who am I?
What am I?
A writer?
A designer?
A landscaper?
A blogger?
A business CEO?
An Artist?
Which ones goes to #5?
WHICH ONE!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!
AAARRRGGGGGGGG!!!!!!
The choices!

I talked about each subject with my Husband and even asked my daughter's input. I got a few leads but will have to continue this on another post....

For now I will just say the shelf is THERE again, waiting......

has been a peaceful place for me! My neighbor did some free labor and planted all the flower seeds he owns. The result is a big wild crazy mess of beautiful flowers. Especially sunflowers! Every week I go out with my clippers and using a newspaper to hold them I cut myself a random bouquet. I put it in my single open mouthed vase and place it in a cheerful place in my living room. Thus on the days when I don't get outside I can still see flowers. I LOVE flowers! There is no reason why someone can't have beautiful flowers in the house. It just softens and brightens up any room! Yesterday we went out playing in the garden and as I clipped the kids played with our two stray outdoor cats. They all had a blast. Then I found a weird bug and proceeded to capture it. I'll have to blog more about the bug on the Homeschooling Blog because now it's part of Rajaa's life and she's become very attached to it. I was happy to find in the middle of the night it eating the sunflower's leaves (behind the yellow petals) as I was afraid it was a bug eater and would starve and was about to free it today. Now I can keep it happily fed easily.

I also finally got some honey called Acacia Honey that is a light golden color and it's soo sweet even more so than regular honey because the acacia flowers have a beautiful fragrance! So I've been randomly spooning some full strength into Mustapha's eager mouth. It seems to be helping with the coughing but I still had to give him syrup in the night because it intensifies... ahh so much for pure home remedies... i can't stand coughing. such a wicked sound. Poor baby can't spit out the phlegm either so it's like torture hearing him cough and swallow every few minutes at night. Too much info? well welcome to my life....
I made chicken soup...with a whole chicken and potatoes and carrots and noodles..... no one barely ate it, the half pot left finally went bad.... I tried Honey and warm water in his new sippy cup but he didn't' go for it at first. I'm not sure if it was the warmness or the newness of the cup. Finally I manged him to drink some and he guzzled it but it was hardly warm then. Maybe I will try sweet lemonade today...

I was gonna try making a cake today too but with a sick boy all night I think I'm too tired to try and control them and bake again. Looks like Tuna Casserole for dinner because I'm too tired to make anything fancy and everyone will eat the tuna casserole. Thanks mom for the recipe. It was always a smash when you made it and it's always a smash here.

We've been having a bad sleeping schedule the last two nights in a row. Not going to sleep until 3-4am and then sleeping til 1pm then waking up playing then sleeping a nap at 6-8pm then Up wild til 3-4 am....ugh! Enough to make any mother miserable.
The good thing about homeschooling is though if she's gonna be up in the wee hours of the morning she's gonna be doing school projects. Or reading books as a family. So at least we get some one on one time more. The hard part is keeping them quiet so hubby can sleep in the next room. I really gotta figure out how to get them to sleep properly. It's hard enough working around hubby's work schedule but trying to make them sleep at right intervals is annoying! One day i got it the next it's whacked. The following day is adjustments and the third day is back ok....etc infinity... that's my life the last few years....

I had misplaced my homeschooling calendar this past month lol and so i was very behind schedule until I found it and realized I only planned for half a month in March and left two week window open, ah clever me. Now we are two weeks behind and have the space needed to catch up!

JSIH Jannah Standards International Homeschool Blog is up and running now YAY Man I didn't knwo it'd be so fun blogging about school lol. i finally got some pictures uploaded hehehe.
You know this annoucement just might keep repeating itself until I get more than one visitor :p lol..... thanks Confusion for being there for me ! :D

Jannah Standards International Homeschooling
(http://jannahstandardshomeschool.blogspot.com/)
is what I decided to call my Homeschool officially. (Officially as in if anyone asks LOL)
I've made a blog to keep mainly my mom and my mother-in-law and all family informed to what their precious grandkids are doing. I will upload lots of pictures of our schoolroom and also of the kids doing things. There will be craft ideas and other fun stuff later as well.
Hopefully those of you who Homeschool or who are thinking about it can see how much can be accomplished with a small budget and might consider doing it too. Insha'Allah!
Have fun checking it out!