3:13 AM


Wrote: American Muslima Writer |


You have led my husband's eyes away from me to your preening fashion models.
You have led my daughter's innocent sense of humor become corrupted.
You have wasted my time when I could have done something better.
Though you have educational programs,
Though you have news news news in both languages,
Though you have inspirational and funny shows,
Keeping your sinful channels is not worth the good you have.
To get to the good we have to trudge through the bad.
I'm sick of watching half dressed (if that much) people grind like animals,
just to reach English Islamic programs.
I'm sick of my daughter choosing Disney,
over listening to Qur'an.
Therefore, Orbit Satellite TV, YOU HAVE BEEN BANNED!
Never soil my house and mind again.
~Brandy A. Chase (c)2008

PS: Come and get your decoder so I can have my deposit back PRONTO!

Update: So Hubby came home and had to eat a meal yet again without tv on and he was so upset and claimed he's going to buy his own sat reciever no matter what. NOOO!! I shouted, WHAT'S THE POINT OF ME GETTING RID OF ORBIT IF YOU GET ANOTHER BOX OF SIN!?!?! I WONT ALLOW IT IN MY HOUSE! He thought about that one so we'll see where this goes but I'm serious.

4:13 AM

First Steps!

Wrote: American Muslima Writer |

My boy took his first steps last night at just under(3 days until...) 10 months! We were getting ready to leave when I stood him up to practice his standing and not falling. He stood for a few moments about 15 seconds which for him is a record! Then I had him stand again and I said Tah (come in Leb Arabic slang) [Tahlahon] and HE JUST STEPPED TO ME!!!!! JUST LIKE THAT!!! MASHA'ALLAH!!! I had Hubby run to get the camera to film it. He did and I'll try to load the film here. I couldn't beleive it. My daughter didn't step until she was one. SHe did it the normal way though of trying to stand and balance and THEN walk. Not my boy oh no he has places to go! He can't even get from laying flat on his back to sitting up without assistance. (I mean without rolling over and getting t his knees) He can't even balance on his feet for long. HE CAN'T EVEN stand without holding something to get to standing position yet his little brain (by the will of ALlah) told him to get going and take some steps! AHHHH!!! TOO CUTE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Please don't mind any squeeling from me in the video! EEEEeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!

7:00 PM

Password Protected Posts?

Wrote: American Muslima Writer |

Since Blogger doesn't have Passworded posts I will have to go a step further and make my own blog full of posts I can't post here. THis is the stuff in my head that needs out and if I posted it here I would get a million angry viewers.
It's called Truth Hurts Muslimah -He said the Truth Hurts, and he's right.
I will only be allowing certain Muslimah individuals who I believe really are interested in knowing me further not just hearing me go off about everything so they can whisper stuff behind my back or in their posts. People that have a solid grasp on Islam and have learned the basics and understand things properly. People that know how it feels to be overweight, unloved, married, have complexes, have secrets, can sympathise and more are going to be invited. You can make your request here with your e-mails that I wont publish online but please don't be offended if I don't select you because this is really limited viewing to those I've gotten to know really well on bloggosphere and I've not had promlems with in the past.
If in the future I accept you you'll get an e-mail of course. We'll see how the reactions are to my new blog to see how much more people I can tolorate. If you didn't like Angry Muslimah's blog then you wont like mine. I'm much more blunt than she was.

6:37 PM

Poem: Closed Eyes

Wrote: American Muslima Writer |

I got to write a page in one of my books today and it was sheer joy again to hold a pen and be enthralled in my book. Then later a poem came to mind that I wrote when I was 13. I was at the bowling alley with my parents and thinking about all these married couples and how many of them were truly happy. Now this poem has more meaning for me because some days it reflects my entire mood about marriage. Other times it springs to mind when I read other's struggles with marriage. So for all of you out there men or women this is for you. (please be decent and ask permission before using it anywhere, it's copyrighted.)
Closed Eyes
there is no joy in telling you about my day
for you just smile and look away
you ramble on and i listen patiently
but when i speak you refuse me blatantly
i know you don't care i can see it in your eyes
you look contemptuous in your goodbyes
i go to bed crying
and wake up wishing i were dying
i feel i'll have to leave you forever and ever
but to your heart i know that would sever
alas, you still think i'm happy
you still cannot see
~Brandy A Chase (c)1997

4:54 PM

Please don't shake my hand!

Wrote: American Muslima Writer |

I was surprised by the turn of the Shiek Hamza Yusuf post where we started talking about shaking hands so I'm making it it's own post to discuss this.

Do you, or do you not, shake hands with members of the opposite sex?

I don't. I feel this is my body and we shouldn't have contact with any man besides our husbands and related men. Accidentally touching is another thing like when a cashier gives you back your change and accidently brush fingers or yesterday while loading the grocery bags into my stroller the bagger employee and I bumped heads. But to actaully put our your hand to a member of the opposite sex makes me wrinkle my nose in distaste.

I used to shake just because of the upbringing but after being in Islam and seeing how it's better not to shake I stopped. When my mom came and I warned her she shouldn't shake hands with any man here THE MEN WENT AND SHOOK HER HAND. UGH! I was soo frustrated. She was trying to not shake too by putting her hand on her chest like the arabs do and she was trying to say Salam and everything and still they stuck out their hand. At least she tried though so I give mad props to mom for that.
When I went back to USA I knew I couldn't not shake everyone's hands so I wore gloves and one day I was meeting my sister's current boyfriend and I didn't have my gloves nearby so i didn't shake his hand at all and he was like why you being rude and my sister said don't worry she is a weirdo that doesn't touch guys. I was thinking thanks a lot sis calling me a weirdo. Another time I was trying to cram my hand in my glove when meeting my close friend's boyfriend and he didn't offer to shake which was good because my glove was only half on and that would have looked silly..please wait one more second while I finish putting my glove on before I can touch you lol. She told me later she had already talked to him about this and I was grateful.
The most embarrassing that no one I think understood was at Thanksgiving my cousin came down to look at our G-pa's car. He and I had grown up not close but we'd play rubber band tag and such durring the holidays. So I hung back this time (wearing hijab and black robes and all) and he greeted everyone and there was a pause then he turns to me and spreads his arms out really wide in front of everyone! "Come on and give me a hug! I haven't seen you for a while, we missed you." I couldn't just slam him in front of the family and I remebered that to keep family peace sometimes we have to do something disliked so I gave him an awkward hug (and yes I told my husband about it later but he was cool because he understood the reason behind it) and gave him a falsetto "Oh yeah, I miss you all too." I did miss them but I didn't want to hug them. Then there is still a long pause and I think he got the message that I was really embarrased because they all turn to the car and resume inspections abruptly. It's not that I don't like my male marriageable realtives because they are pretty cool guys, especially this cousin because he's a writer like me, but it was jsut soo awkward. And after not having any contact with other men for a long time it was really weird to be hugging someone like that. It made me value the not-touching rule more.
Another thing that ticks me off a lot is when you have a small baby and men come up to touch or kiss your baby and they are kissing it all noisily and it's like 12 inches from your own face ugh. Or worse cradled in your arm and near your chest and they start kissing it totally awkward. OR!!! When passing the baby back and forth they don't try to not touch your body in the passing. One brother in law is very good about this and I appreciate it always.... others aren't so aware. Now as soon as they reach to kiss the baby I'm holding I pass it to them before they get too close. It works better.
I see a lot of stupid things like men goofing off (innocently not THAT WAY) with maids or younger sister-in-laws that are supposed to be wearing hijab but arent' yet. I'm like dude where is your modesty? I know if I say anything out loud they'd think I'm all extremish though. I don't feel extreme though I feel like what I'm doing is perfectly right and they are being loose with theirselves.
The funniest thing though was durring Ramadan you know visiting a million houses in one day and always hugging and kissing people goodbye. I was going down the line a in peripheral vision saw the next person was tall so I rose on my tip-toes to kiss goodbye and started raising my hands to hug when I realized it was my husband's Uncle. He and I exchanged puzzled glances and then I burst out laughing and apologised. I kissed his wife instead and winked and apologised to her too, just in case.
It very interesting to suddenly one day be rough housing with a husband's nefew or friend's son or husband's cousin and then the next day you go to hug him to say Salam and he abruptly puts his hand on his chest and backs off indicating he's now a man and isn't going to be playing anymore games. It's surprising but all you can do is smile that he feels so manly now and put your hand to your chest too to say Salam back. I really respect boys who do this instead of continuing to shake beyond into late teens and longer. I respect them as men instead of boys.
So although I know it's a cultural thing to shake, I still feel it's better not to shake than to shake or have contact with the opposite sex. Lets hear your opinions. Yes you can copy and paste from the other page if you don't want to have to re-type the comment you've already made. :)

2:17 AM

Lazy Cook?

Wrote: American Muslima Writer |

I'm feeling my American Roots when I'm around an Arab in the kitchen. There is no real measuring -unless you call basing every measurement off an arab coffee cup. Sometimes you feel preparing to cook the meal takes longer than actually making and eating it combined. There is so much chopping, pealing, pressing, mincing, slicing, dicing, smashing, blending going on that you must have multiple knives and cutting boards available and plenty of hands to go around. Kids and Men usually have the tasks of pealing and slicing potatoes, pealing and smashing garlic, or opening and preparing okra, bell peppers, peas, or of course meat. While the women deal with the chopping of the greens like parsley, mint, lettuce, and all sorts of other greens I had never even seen before I came to Lebanon. They also prepare anything that has to be coated with flour and spices, sauces, marinades. Of course if no one is around to hep you this all has to be done by NUMERO UNO! YOU!

The largest preparations are done during Ramadan which I always thought was ironic considering this is when we're not allowed to eat. It is a blessing and a torture to be literally working with food all day. You have to constantly remind yourself that you're fasting and not try to taste anything you're mixing up. Yet smelling it all day lets you actually be less hungry over all later when it is TIME to eat. Normally during Ramadan the families all gather at one house usually a parent's home. The family doles out responsibilities and dishes to be made. Unless there are no kids or men because of school or work. It was hectic and a huge hassle to start about 9am (OR EARLIER for some houses) and to prepare foods in order of cooking time. While the meats are marinating you work the salads, while the meats are baking you work on the french fries and Kibbeh, while someone is frying these things you work on the deserts. No wonder many arab families have maids.

Now that Ramadan was on my shoulders all by myself this past year I had to be super cook instead of my normal lazy cook self. I grew up in a house (no offense at all to you mom and dad you're just following your traditions) where if you wanted spices you opened a jar and many things come in jars and boxes instead of freshly made. Of course it saved lots of time but something really is missing in the long run. Eating fresh tomato soup vs canned tomato soup is totally different. So normally meals take me between 30-45 minutes tops on a regular day after my experience in Lebanon. I do try to use fresh when I can but I admit mostly I'm lazy and bring out the spice jars. Ramadan though? No way! My husband wanted a proper Ramadan meal every night since his boss by government law was giving him the time to come home and eat iftar. So I'd make meat dish, soup, a simple dessert, and something on the side like french fries or some veggie dish. Ohhhhh MY GOD! It was so much more easier cooking with lots of women who can choose what task they are best suited at and like to do. For me it was the cutting, peeling, pounding, while my sister in laws made the desserts or sauces/coatings and my mother-in-law did the actual cooking. Since the days at the last Ramadan were getting shorter you had to push back your starting time to have the food fresh on the table hot to enjoy. (or actually on the floor to follow the tradition in my husband's home -which is sunnah anyways). I was exhausted cooking all day that many times I hardly felt like eating the food I had made. Many Americans might tsk tsk me and arabs for slaving over a hot stove all day just for one large meal. But at the end of the day knowing what you put into your family's mouth was done by hand and was made with the freshest and healthiest ingredients and all done lovingly and with proper Bismillah intentions was worth every drop of sweat that went into making it. Every meal I closed my eyes and I was brought back to my mother-in-law's house in my heart and watching the looks of satisfaction as people bit into the things we all made together. Then I'd open my eyes and watch my small family enjoy the food I made all by myself.

So some days I'm a lazy cook and other days I'm a super cook!

**Views expressed in this post doesn't mean I'm not aware that there are super fine cooks that slave over hot stoves in USA or that there aren't lazy cook in Lebanon... I'm only talking about personal experience**

All this was brought to mind as I just went grocery shopping and found a bottle of rosemary spice and I had never used it before so I came home and looked up Chicken Breast and Rosemary recipes and they got my mouth watering and reminiscing about my in-laws. Tomorrow's lunch is gonna be super cook day.

9:30 AM

Lecture: Sheikh Hamza Yusuf

Wrote: American Muslima Writer |

My Canadian friend gave me a whole MP3 (2CDS) set of Shiek Hamza Yusuf's Purification of the Heart and I began listening to it intently and masha'Allah it has opened doorways in my mind and have seen a whole new way to look at things. I'm not taking him as my own personal Sheik but his CD definitely moved my mind. Then the next day I get a message from the local New Muslims Help Place "Dar Al-Zayed Al-Islam" from my friends saying that Shiek Hamza Yusuf will be in Abu-Dhabi and will be holding a lecture. "We have to go see this together!" I told my friend and eventually we made plans for it.
A Brother she knew drove us there in his minivan, may Allah reward him. I have two kids and she has three so a total of 5 kids, two ladies, and two Brothers were in this van. Men in the front, Ladies in the middle with the babies, other kids in the back. All the kids were acting crazy and were fussy and being soo difficult (including mine, I'm taking full blame here) and we had to stop and pray twice along the way. At the Maghrib prayer my daughter needed to use the restroom and I couldn't ask these brothers (since they had already left to pray) to take her to the potty and the woman's area was a far walking distance away from the masjid so I took her to a secluded place far from where anyone would sit or walk and tried my best to have her go in the nature way but small kid, small bladder equals problems and most got on her pants and so I had to change her and wash her down in public, Ugh talk about everything going wrong at once. So finally we settle in for the rest of the ride to AbuDhabi and still the kids are all being difficult but we get to the National Theater where the lecture was being held. Women of course go upstairs to the balcony seating.
I HAD called ahead and asked if children were allowed to this function and was assured it was ok. Me and my friend and our two strollers and five kids all entered the darkened theater and my mommy radar went off that this was not a kid friendly environment and we were in for some real trouble. We took seats as fast as possible and tried to get our kids munching on snacks to keep them quiet but this only lasted a few minutes. The babies became fussy and the three older kids (3,4,6 yrs old) started hopping seats up and down the theater and of course these Emeratian Ladies who I guess were the Quiet Police all started hushing our kids and causing more disturbances than our kids were. Finally I gave up trying to take notes on the lecture. Which was about Islamic Influence on the World. LIke how Arabs were the first to make stained glass and then the rest of the world started doing it and esp the churches and now some muslims think we can't have stained glass windows in masjids when in reality we were the inventors. Subhan'Allah. We took the kids outside of the theater doors where there was room for them to run around on the carpets and not disturb anyone. Then we took turns watching the kids and then trading off to listen to the lecture. The Emeratian Ladies were kind enough to bring us tea or juices so I thank them for that. I got to see the ending of the lecture which was some of the best part where he talked about more open dialog between religions. Then a group of Shiekhs and one Shiekha came up to greet him and give him some kind of plaque (the ceremony was in Arabic of course) and he shook hands with them including the Shiekha and she was whispering many things to Hamza Yusuf while pictures were taken of them lined up and the plaque. Finally they finished and left and a mob swarmed him. I rushed to get our strollers ready to face the mob downstairs and called for my friend to grab the kids and lets go meet him. My husband demanded I not leave until I get a picture of Hamza Yusuf holding our son. I don't know why he wanted this but I was determined to win my husband's praise. So we went downstairs and it took a long time for us to get through the throng. At first we didn't think it was going to happen to talk to him because my camera died and so did her camera phone. Then one of the sisters offered to take the picture and send us it in e-mail.

Hamza Yusuf's back of his head behind my son.

Finally I got up my courage and stepped into a space suddenly vacated by a brother and bam was face to face with him. He spotted my son in his little Muslim hat and said Masha'Allah so I took it up to ask him. "Would you mind taking a picture with my son for my husband?" He agreed. My son gave me a "Who is this?!" look and stared at him which Hamza Yusuf found funny. The sister took pictures of my son and him then my friend and her daughter.
Hamza Yusuf and my son, and few odd men lol.

Finally we finished and I took my baby back and we exchanged e-mails with the sister with the camera. We left and prepared for the long journey back to Al-Ain. OH! at first it was difficult again because by this time the kids wanted dinner so we had to stop at an Adnoc gas station for food and once they had eaten the kids slowly fell asleep and left the men to talk in peace and us ladies to talk in peace. Anytime I ever want more kids I remember this day and make Blessings for all those mothers with more than 2 kids.

This is not to say it was all bad because it was very pleasant sometimes when the kids were playing paper, rock, scissors, and drawing and playing I Spy etc... Discussing Islam with my friend and spending the day with her and her kids. It was wonderful but the stress of suddenly dealing with 5 kids in one car will be a lesson i wont be forgetting anytime soon. I miss her and the kids so much I wish her the best wherever she is.

8:02 AM

Life Story: The Chameleon

Wrote: American Muslima Writer |

I'm a chameleon. I can go from situation to situation and blend well wherever I go. It doesn't mean I'm happy it just means I adjusted. When I was younger and into Palm Reading and all that BS. I read that the life line on my left hand which is broken three times across and then continued meant that I will have three seperate catagories in my life that are life changing. At the time I thought it rediculous I could change my life three times. Yet Allah has changed it far more times than that. My years of Confusion were spent in constant turmoil. As I mentioned before my biological mother was mentally ill and unable to take care of her first four children and then her next three children so the government took them off ehr hands and put them in foster homes FIRST "BREAK". In foster home after foster home I learned new religions and new ideas about how life really is until at 8 my father got custody of me along with his wife (my new mom). SECOND "BREAK". I had a difficult but more normal childhood after that but the scars were long lasting and of course teens are full of theirselves. I didn't know how to let go of my anger from my past and find my way in life. I always felt like a chameleon but never actaully fitting in where I was. Like a bright red juicy apple in a bucket of oranges. I tried and tried to be an orange and I coulnd't accept I was an apple. One of my therapists told me about a Society of creative Achronism where they re-enacted Rennascanse life. I was into that so I dragged a couple of friends into it with me (they still play) and learned dancing, sword fighting, rapier fighting, etc... It was fun but after a time it became apperent this wasn't for me long term. I still didn't fit it. Sure I wore the dresses and did the dances but i was still being a chameleon.

When would I be able to stop changing colors and just be my natural self? Well, here comes the THIRD "BREAK"

7:22 AM

"Life Story in 15 minutes please"

Wrote: American Muslima Writer |

When you meet someone, especially another Muslim sister, or any Arab who's rarely seen a White, English speaking Muslim before (in hijab), they always want your life story. I'm always happy to oblige but sometimes I just am sick and tired of the same questions and responses. Not from the sisters but from say my taxi driver. Why taxi drivers always feel the need to talk to me so much? Here is basic conversation in (really basic)Arabic and English that I get in Lebanon and UAE almost everytime I'm in a taxi.
"Min Wein? -Where you from?" Taxi man asks looking in his rear-view mirror. I sigh and start with the short comments hoping that will shut him up.
"Ana Amerykia -I'm American" I smile (ok I'm American and I can't help being smiley. I know we shouldn't smile but I can't help it I want him to think well of American converts-but I know where to draw the line if they get to personal or fresh)
"AH! Inti AMerykia! Lesh Hetti Hijab? Inti Muslimah? -Ah! You're American, Why you put hijab? Are you Muslim?" he asks getting excited to be driving an American Hijabi. I think this is the stupidest question by far. Of course I'm Muslim why else would I wear hijab you Muslim man NUT!
"Na'Am, ana muslimah. -Yes, I'm Muslim" I look out the window hoping that will stop the questions and it does for a few........... seconds.
"Zouwaj min wein? -Husband from where?" He eagerly waits this big question.
"Lebnan. -Lebanon" I reply. He grins fully happy to know his countryman caught himself a rare and sooo white American. (remember white is prized in Arab countries)
"Masha'Allah! Zawaj min Amerykia ow Lebnan? -Married in America or Lebanon?"
"Lesh min AMerykia? Huwa mannak?- Why in America? He was there with you?" He checks his mirror again.
"Huwa andak madrasa. Raheh masjid wa oolit Imam bedak Zawaj. Ba'deen ijit hon bil Lubnan. -He had school. Then he went to the masjid and told the Imam he wants marriage. Then we came to Lebanon." I say it all so he doesn't have to keep asking questions. Yet none deterred he takes a break to mull this over then begin the next series,
"T'neen walid? Masha'Allah. Wein Zawaji shougal? -Two kids? Where's your husband work?" Obviously curious to know what education he received in USA to afford the American wife and two masha'Allah cute kids.
--I then explain whatever job my husband happens to be in at the time, none of which makes a lot of money but alhamdulliah it is what Allah wills for us. He continues like this until I get to my stop. It would be ok if it was just once in a while like the taxis in UAE but in Lebanon it was like EVERY taxi and I took like 3-4 taxis in one day to get to and from my home and to classes and to my in-law's house and to home again. So the answers were well rehearsed.
As for the sisters asking for life stories I usually take a good two hours to get it all out including their questions. But that is fun because it's making a lasting connection insha'Allah and I get to pull theirs out too. So I will continue with the greater story (as requested) in another post.

7:12 AM

Lean, Mean, Eating Machine

Wrote: American Muslima Writer |

Our Bodies that is: I don't work on my other blog nearly as much as I should but this update on HOW I lost so much weight can't be missed! Because it's soooo easy that you can start it RIGHT NOW! Go see it! Yes you! GO! NOW! Nooo don't linger and read my newest and coolest posts... GOOOOOOOOO!
I promise if you go there and I see an upswing from my normal three visitors (one of whom is my mom) I will pledge myself to really get sweaty and update more!

.....erm, are you still sitting reading this? I did say to: GOOOO!

2:30 AM

Lebanon: Balance of Balconies

Wrote: American Muslima Writer |

Lebanon has some beautiful buildings but most are plain concrete usually painted white or cream at one point maybe with tileing for decor, older buildings are riddled with bullet holes, a constant reminder of how fragile Lebanon's times of peace are. Nearly every building though has a series of balconies for each house and are anywhere from 3 stories to 20 stories. Some are long and wide others are small and narrow but nearly every home has one balcony.
They serve a variety of purposes. Sometimes stairs and doors are too narrow to get in plush couches and large fridges so using pulleys and ropes they haul them right up the side of the building through the balcony. Other times balconies are used as a storage for extra supplies that want to remain unseen to proper guests. A third option is for a clothesline set up since Lebanon's weather is usually mild and warm so air drying clothes is least expensive. You can either string wires to walls or have a collapsible one OR BOTH (like I used to have at one point). A fourth option would be to enclose the balcony and make it another room for a maid or child or for more storage that is rain proof. The best option of all though is to have some patio/plastic chairs and table outside and drink tea/coffee and eat fruit or nuts in the morning or evening. The Lebanese are very social people and love sitting together as families or with guests (who visit unexpectedly and often) on the balcony and discuss life, politics, and religion. Kids weave in and out of adults grabbing drinks and snacks on their way. Randomly an adult will pull a child who is looking too far over the edge back away from danger of falling.
In the city I lived in the longest called Haretil-Naime/Naime (NA-AM-MAY) was south of Beirut for about a 15 minute drive on clear traffic days and 30-45 minutes on heavy moderate traffic days. Masha'Allah I loved my house even though it was in a poor section and it wasn't very big. Why because it had THREE balconies. The largest unfortunately was facing South East towards three factories (full of men of course so I'd always have to be sure to wear hijab). My daughter used to be able to sleep through the daily pinging of steel hitting steel all day. Eventually you just tune it out. The second balcony was used for storage and laundry since it was off the kitchen and faced all the other residence's balconies (where they had their clothes and storage). My third balcony was the reason i chose this house. I was on the top floor of the 5 story building (6 stories including ground floor). Remember this height for i will refer to it later. It had a beautiful North West view of the Mediterranean Sea.
In summer you had glorious sunsets and a cool sea breeze (though we weren't really close to the sea- a good 20 minute walk) and in the winter stormy clouds and lighting over the sea. In the mornings I used to love to make coffee or tea and sit with my husband and watch the sunrise dawning on the eastern mountains and reflecting on the western clouds and sea. Our neighbor on the top floor of the neighboring building kept trained pigeons so they would be released at dawn to fly in majestic circles. Everything was fresh and calm. Then my daughter would wake and we'd lean carefully over the navel high railing and wave goodbye to my husband as he walked down the sloped road to catch a shuttle van- that runs from Naime to Beirut's Cola intersection- for work. After he was out of sight we'd go in and I'd make breakfast and start the day. It was so wonderful to have this time to reflect on nature and life.

Then my love of balconies dwindled a severe turn to loathing them...... They were a source of literally nightmares for me in day and night. My daughter learned how to walk and climb and suddenly that navel high railing didn't seem so high. All furniture had to be permanently taken off the balcony and kept inside. Only when I was outside could she go outside too. We didn't have an AC though so we kept this front balcony doors open for breeze. My daughter at this time not only learned how to climb but how to play hide and seek. She'd go somewhere while I was busy in the kitchen or cleaning the rooms and hide and as a mother knows when there is silence there is trouble. So I'd have to go find her and see what she was getting into.
Around this same time I started meeting the neighbors (after half a year--yeah I'm a little anti-social sometimes) and my downstairs neighbor under me had three children. So she used to come up and have tea or I'd go see her. One day I told her my love of the balconies but I'm worried now about my daughter climbing and her daughter was a climber too. She said this is a problem all over Lebanon of teaching the children not to climb or Jump off the balconies. "JUMP!" I squealed. "Oh yes, many children pretend they are Tarzan, superman, spiderman, take your pick, and wrap a cape around their necks and jump off a balcony to their death in attempts to fly." "YA ALLAH!" I teared up. "How many kids have done this?" "Oh dozens especially around here where the mother's might not have had much education (like my neighbor who married at 15) and don't know to always watch their kids." I was sooo distraught by this. "You can hear the mother's and family wailing (which is not allowed in Islam but is understandable) when a child jumps, for a week. It's something you don't forget." I shuddered. She left and I held my daughter so tight and prayed this would never happen to my daughter. I talked to my sister-in-law who has three kids and lives on the 7th floor in Beirut's busy section about balconies and kids. She told me her first two just obeyed her not to go on the balcony but her third she literally saved from death as she saw her daughter balanced about to fall and dragged her back by her shirt. The next day they installed metal bars across the whole balcony and on both balconies. It may look a bit jailish but her kids can safely play all day out in fresh air without worries.
This is a rental house though so I could not do this. So many times my daughter would be silent and hiding and I had no clue where she was and I'd tell her to talk to me but she wouldn't (lil tricky girl). I'd race to the factory balcony and look for her then with trepidation look down to see if she had fallen to her death. I'd then rush through the bedroom down the hall into the kitchen and to the balcony to look again over the railings. Finally back through the kitchen down the entry way to the living room/dining room to the sea balcony and look down. Alhamdulliah every time she was safe and just hiding in a closet or something like that and I'd hold her close and sometimes cry with fear of loosing her. It got worse when I would have to do this many times a day everyday because of course hide and seek while mommy is busy cleaning is a favorite game now. I would start daydreaming (remember I'm a writer with a VERY active imagination) and having nightmares about her falling and either I was there to see her fall or I was trying to hold her little slipping fingers. The worst was when I'd dream that she had JUST fallen and I jump after her and try to throw her onto my neighbors balcony and let her live while I die trying to save her.
I was so happy when I got to UAE and my house was on the 1st floor(2nd with Ground Floor included) and there was no balconies and the windows opened to a woodshop factory's metal awning so finally I could rest with peace of mind that there would be no more falling. My new house is Ground Floor so I have NO worries PERIOD. For sure if I ever live in Lebanon again I will get super high railings or jail bars. Living everyday like that was hard on my mind. Once I did hear a family wailing somewhere down the labyrinth of houses and streets that is Naime and it gave me chills and I wondered if their child had jumped. It is something you don't forget.
So though I dearly miss my Sea view I don't miss the pain of thinking horrid things.

1:42 AM

The Glass is ALL full, not just HALF

Wrote: American Muslima Writer |

It's all about perspective: the glass is not half full it is completly full -in the future!

Miss Muslimah wrote an interesting topic of inner reflection that I commented to and just HAVE to add more to it by re-wording my comment and elaborating.

Inner reflections are my favorite posts of all post on anyone's site because when you focus in instead of out it shows you are able to see inside and strive for change that is better. Many people can't look inside. Alhamdulillah you can.
A lot of people have problems with depression and feeling the future is overwhelming or you don't stack up against other people well. Once I tried to commit suicide when my future looked bleak and unsurmountable. (no i wasn't muslim at the time but it was certainly one of the triggers that made me start to change my life) My parents helped me break everything I needed to do that year into a list of managable tasks and they showed me that with some real effort durring the summer I'd be right back on track with my life. I did the effort and pulled through and made it through the summer thanks to that wonderful breaking things down method and LIVED! ALHAMDULILLAH! to say shahada just after summer.
I totally suggest you write your own personal list of the things you really want to accomplish in this year, and within the next three months, and break it down more if you need to of things this month, this week, today!. Like take hijab JUST FOR EXAMPLE say you want to put it on within one year but not within 3 months. That makes you feel less stressed about something you don't need in your head for the next three months. It can be simple and easy things (in fact i reccomend easy things that you know you will accomplish) like you want to memorize one ayah of Qur'an...anyone can memorize one ayah in a year. If one year is just too much you can stretch it to two or three but beyond this you're digging too much just anything for "later than three" put in a later column.This will help you not only define each subject you need to deal with in your life it gives you an outlook of what to look forward to.
My example is (thanks to Miss Muslimah's earlier post and others talking to me) I want to get rid of music within the next three months of innapropriate music and within a year for all others like classical and emotional soundtracks. INSHA'ALLAH.
You can put it on your blog which will help solidify your goals but the down side is you can feel worse if you don't make them. Like my idea/goal for a craft store. I was obsessed with this idea for a month or so and it hasn't come to pass yet and I'm starting to wonder if I want it to I made a goal online and everyone knows I've screwed it up but I'm trying to get over the feelings of failure by remembering all the other goals I AM succeeding in.
ANyways we all have goals even the people that seem all put together and masha'Allah better than us and we all struggle. There is hadith that we should look to the poor to be grateful for what we have instead of looking at the rich and feeling inadequate. This could also work for those trying in deen. Look at how far you've come and what trials you've overcome (such as resisting zina by getting marired etc..) and then you'll see you have accomplished so much. And look towards those who are better than you in deen as a hero/example that you want to emulate and strive towards. I know the Prophet and companions are the best example and insh'Allah we get so high in our deen to be like them but sometimes having a friend or imam that we can look up to is easier because they aren't THAT much higher than us and its a goal we can reach faster. REMEMBER MY AIM LOW BLOG POST: Aim Low = No Fail. Have a good outlook about where you are going towards and strive to reach it in small incriments.
I'm not above my own postings I am planning to do this planning in a few more days when i abosolutly finish all the last details of my house organization. I feel that I can't improve inside until my outside "to do list" is out of my head. I need the extra room for extra hard spiritual thinking!

It's all about perspective: the glass is not half full it is completly full -in the future!

1:41 AM

Soldier Shoots Qur'an

Wrote: American Muslima Writer |

This moron shot the Qur'an, my beloved book of all books, 14 times and wrote nasty things inside. He's an American Soldier in Iraq and did this IN IRAQ. The public protested and the US worried this could cause a whole lotta strife between US and Iraq and the world so they were rushing to apologise and do what they could to correct the situation which I commend BUT I think the soldier is getting off too easy. He was sent home and dissaplined. More should be done so this doesn't happen in the future. They apologised so fast to appease the Muslims not to have world-wide protests. I think we should have world wide protests anyways so the next moron with a gun thinks twice before violating our HOLY BOOK FROM GOD.
While we're at it we should realize the world really seems to quake under the wrath of Muslims worldwide
"Bloody protests have sometimes been held across the Muslim world when the Islamic faith has been insulted. The swift apology by the U.S. commanders appeared aimed at avoiding similar violence in Iraq."
(ALHAMDULILLAH!) and use our strength to "protest" more important things like the fact MUSLIMS who read the Qur'an are dying. We boycotted danish products when they made the imfamous cartoon. WHy aren't we boycotting ALL products by all countries that are against Muslims? We number 1/5th of the world's population and are growing and we have to ENCOURGE our brothers and sisters to protest about names used wrong, cartoons drawn, qur'an's shot, when we should be protesting EVEN MORE about us MUSLIMS dying, unable to pray or read qur'an, or teach our children even Bismillah anymore. Sometimes I wish so hard that the Mehdi comes to unite the Muslims and establish Islmaic State and Shari'a just so we will finally be united and people will really fear the wrath of the Muslims.

Here's the story link:

2:25 AM

Mothers: Cruelty or Misunderstood?

Wrote: American Muslima Writer |

Suzie wrote about a woman who left her 5 daughters and wealthy husband and just walked out without informing anyone previously. The youngest daughter is 2 and my heart goes out to them all! How could a mother just leave her children? Is she cruel? Is she a monster? Or is she misunderstood?

My biological mother had seven kids. The gov took away all of them (first the top 4 then she had 3 more and they were then taken) because she was an unfit parent and has mental issues. Now she may have loved us all and still claims she did nothing wrong and the gov is evil. But I've read the court records. SHe was given chances to have maids come to help her clean and parenting classes to learn to take care of us better and all kinds of gov assistance but she refused it all saying there was nothing wrong with her and used her religion of Jehovah's Witness to keep the gov away. Obviously she's in denial. So I know her motherly love did not measure up because what mother would throw away free help? Help that if not taken would result in loosing her children? So she didn't take it and we were all taken and put into foster care or adopted. (eventually when I was 8 I got to be with my real father and his wife (my mom)). All of us were separated from her between ages birth to 4. That's really hard on children to gave that feeling of neglect and abandonment especially at early ages. So is she a monster? Or is she misunderstood?

A lot of mothers loose custody of their children. For many various reasons and each child has to suffer the pain, guilt, anxiety etc. of loosing the person they loved probably most in their life. Do mothers do enough to try to win back their kids or to take appropriate steps before marriage to make a contract stating in the case of divorce she gets the children (if that's what's best for the children). I once had a roomate who lost custody of her daughter and though she tried to win back her daughter later when she was more stable it hasn't happened yet she IS better for the girl. I myself have made an agreement with my husband that if we get divorced I get the kids and he agrees fully because I'm the one who takes the best care of them anyways and he's never changed diapers and such. He'd be at work all day anyways so it's more obvious I can care for them better. Plus I'd rather die than be without my kids. But a lot of women don't even talk about this and suddenly they are divorced and struggling to get custody when the father is struggling to keep his kids too. Especially in countries like Saudi it is hard on the mother to get custody like American_Bedu says in her post:

I did see the movie The Hours that dealt with this issue and was moving where the mother who walked out in the end says i had to choose life (alone) or death (suicide - from being unhappy in marriage with kids) and she chose life over death though it hurt her two kids and husband. Women who are abused by their husbands of course should leave him and take the kids with her so they aren't abused too. I think mothers who loose their kids through custody battles are more in the category of misunderstood unless negligence, inhumane treatment to the children is to blame. Mothers who just one day wake up and walk out on their family i would have to view as cruel. I could be biased though...what do you think? Misunderstood or cruel?

[note: Same views applies to fathers except in the cases of custody if the mother is fit to care for the child she should be awarded custody. For the rules of Islam I understand that mother normally gets custody of young children and father of older children I don't dispute this or disagree with this in any way. I just hink the parents need to choose what's best for their kids not play tug-of-war with the kids to hurt the other parent. My point though is the mother's who just walk out.]

5:11 PM

Tagged #3: Silly things about me

Wrote: American Muslima Writer |

Miss Muslimah has tagged me
and I tag: Shaalom 2 Salaam, Unique Muslimah, Brown Gurl.

1. Last movie you saw in a theater?Ratatoulle with my mom and daughter and new baby who kept crying so i missed most of the movie bcuz i had to take him out of the room.
2. What book are you reading? No time for reading ha! I wish. If I was reading it would be a sci-fi or romance though
3. Favorite board game? Monopoly (Star Wars Edition). No way you're gonna beat me!
4. Favorite magazine? I don't subscribe to any now but i used to love writer's Digest and Parent's mag. In fact I used to have paretns mag when i was like 8. yup I've always wanted to be a mommy!
5. Favorite smells? Vanilla, banana, fresh bathed babies, and hehe you'll think I'm weird but new plastic like calculators and blow-up pools and such i just smell all day!
6. Favorite sounds? Athan, my phone ringing (bcuz it rarilly does), opera, babies and kids laughing together
7. Worst feelings in the world ? Being lonely, imagining myself or my friends and family in Hellfire, accidently hurting my kids, being unloved, being in a rocky marriage
8. What is the first thing you think of when you wake up? -what time is it? Do I have more time to sleep or is it time to get up and get things in order before hubby comes home?
9. Favorite fast food place? Taco Bell and subways are tied
10. Future child’s name? maybe for boy Yahya-*english name* and girl Najmus-Sahar--Isabelle
11. Finish this statement. “If I had lot of money I’d….? take me and my family and kids to hajj, start a charity to help divorced and widowed women and men with kids to get help in re-settling their lives if they have no where to go, pay off my and husband's debts, save up for college and such for my kids maybe buy them each a small house for the future, buy myself a hose, travel around the world with my family.
12. Do you sleep with a stuffed animal? not anymore duh everyone knows teddy bears are replaced with husbands ;)
13. Storms - cool or scary? cool and awe-inspiring masha'Allah
14. Favorite drink/Juice? I love all juices but espcially ones with real fruit pieces also Cherry 7up
15. Finish this statement “If I had the spare time I would….”? HAHAHA remember the IF part of this books, write books, travel, learn Qur'an, study to be a female scholar in Islam, catch up on my sleep, read a book in a park, see know everything I had time to do before i had Kids.
16. Do you eat the stems on broccoli? yes
17. If you could dye your hair any color, what would be your choice? None of your business, that's why I wear hijab so you don't see my beautiful hair :p
18. Name all the different cities/towns you’ve lived in? Arizona, USA: Tucson, Mesa, Tempe; Lebanon: Soufar, Dequainee, Naime/Haretal-Nameh, Beirut (Hamra), UAE: Al-Ain
19. Favorite sports to watch? UofA Basketball Go wildcats! Anything fastpaced, tennis/golf/soccer are not usually and get boring
20. One nice thing about the person who sent this to you? Awesome!
21. What’s under your bed? Baby Toys, random tissues baby tears up, dust bunnies
22. Would you like to be born as yourself again? duh, we are what Allah has willed for us we wouldn't be us if we didn't have the trials we had. so i reccomend people not answer no to this question.
23. Morning person, or night owl? Night owl usually but those rare mornings I'm up early and see the sun come up and have a sweet cup of coffee are awesome too.
24. Over easy, or sunny side up? I never used to like sunny side up until my hubby got me used to them and put some salt and cinnamon and eat with arabic bred Yummy!
25. Favorite place to relax? Relax, ha! Anywhere I can be alone and do the things i wrote above for "spare time", maybe garden at sunset or lounging on my bed to write.
26. Favorite pie? Key Lime pie....or Chocolate Rush...or Apple Pie...or pumpkin pie...ah yes yummy pumpkin pie.... or ANY PIE!!!
27. Favorite ice cream flavor? Cookie Dough
28. Of all the people you tagged this to, who’s most likely to respond first? Dunno cause i haven't thought of who i want to send it to yet....

2:10 AM

Lebanon: My Poor Adopted Country

Wrote: American Muslima Writer |

Being married to Lebanese man and having two half-lebanese kids makes me technically Lebanese too (I just have been lazy to get the passport). So this recent events in Lebanon makes my poor heart ache. Watching a country already stretched by a long war and the recent Isreali-Hezbollah war turning again into a nightmare hurts deeply. A lot of people there can hardly afford to pay bills and eat. I'm not talking about american style bills I'm talking about water elec rent and food and that's about all. Most families live on less than $350 a month. I know first hand because I was one of them. This is basic monthly pay for "middle lower class". Middle Class is about $500 to $1000 a month. I used to make over $1000 just working at a movie theater in USA. So it is terrible when these fights break out and people can't get to work and all shops and schools stop until things clear up. No money for people to survive. Roads get blockaded so how can fresh food supplies (that are the cheapest to buy and what most people live off of) get to far cities? I used to live in an area just south of Beirut called Haretil-Nameh. Or just Nameh. THis poor city just likes protests and this is where they set up a blockade on the road. The picture was front page in the UAE papers. I was like wow that's like three blocks from my old house. The just today my in-laws told me there was shoot out right next to their house just a few blocks up from Hamra street near the Bristol Hotel. I shuddered to imagine being so close to the action. The isreali airplane bombings during the summer 2006 war was enough for me but that's another blog!
There really never will be long lasting peace in Lebanon. So many different religions all fighting for the same small piece of beautiful land. I'm just glad i was able to see it during a small time of peace. Countries outside of Lebanon are using it's land and people to act out their political differences. We have the Hezbollah side backed by Syria and Iran and a lot of muslims (but not all) verses now the March 14th/Hariri/anti-syrian groups backed by USA, christians and some Muslims. Families are being split with member going for one side or the other. It's sad. Then some groups like the Druze are just adding fuel to the fires. It can easily be ended and it can easily be fueled by just a few words from the top members of the groups. A lot of blood has already been shed and I worry and fear that things will escalate.
On another note some say that the mehdi (who hasn't come yet, and will be a sign of the coming anti-christ and then Prophet Jesus ('Isa) who will defeat the anti-christ and return as a Muslim and pray with the Muslims) wont be coming until the signs showing he will come have happened and one of the minor signs is constant unrest in the land of Bilalu-Shams (modern Lebanon Syria and part of Jordan). Which we are seeing more and more of as days go by. Some of the major signs are constant natural phenomenons like Tornadoes, earthquakes, and floods. It's scary seeing things like the recent Tsunami's, tornadoes, lower american flooding though hurricanes, etc.. happening one right after another. SubhanAllah. Insha'Allah I'll make a post later about the major and some minor signs of the Day of Judgement coming.
Back to poor Lebanon. I just hope this time things do simmer back down so my family can carry on with their lives without dealing with another generation wracked by war. My husband grew up with war and maybe some of the first sounds he heard as a small baby were rocket shells flying across Beirut. What a hard thing to live with. War for him is just a fact of life that people have to face. He told me lots of stories about his family and others during the war. Like how if Muslims got stopped at a christian checkpoint and were caught with wrong papers or ID cards or the checkpoint people were feeling bored they'd shoot the whole family. This happened vice versa too with Muslims killing christians too. It was war. Both sides lost people.
I having been born in 1984 faced no wars nor any possible threats of wars on my home or family. I was too young to understand desert storm (though one of my cousins was a marine in it) and all those other things that were happening when i was born. So I was super shocked by the constant turmoil of the Lebanese culture and people. Just driving through some neighborhoods you can feel the animosity simmering underneath a pasted on smile.

1:49 AM

Welcome New Baby!

Wrote: American Muslima Writer |

Masha'Allah my sister-in-law (my husband's youngest brother's wife) just had her first baby and it's a boy! Masha'Allah what a cutie!!! Thursday I went to Al-Ain Mall to get my kids tired out and about 9:30pm when my hubby picked us up he notified me that she was in labor. Around 10:30ish his brother called and said she delivered alhamdulliah easily. Talk about the easier labor I ever heard of. She went for a check up in Abu-Dhabi and the doc put her on a monitor and saw she was already having contractions and she didn't even feel them. (!!!!!!) SO he said stay here and within thirty minutes she was knocked out and having her Cecerean. Her husband got to cut the cord though!!! How cool. Then after she woke she got to see her beutiful baby. Though her after birth pains of the stitches make up for the fact that she didn't have labor pains at all. So alhamdulillah that Friday we packed up the car and headed to ABu-Dhabi to see the family. Her family was there visiting too. I got to be the first person to clip his nails!!!! She was doing good except for the stitches pain. We stayed for a long time until finally we had to head back so hubby would have enough time to sleep before work the next day (I HATE ONE DAY WEEKENDS). On Sunday I had him take over my old baby clothes to their house and soon maybe tomorrow we will visit them at their home.
I had thought for a long time about having a milk baby and I worked up the courage to ask her if I could be a milk mother to her baby and vise versa if she wants (yani she feeds my son too) and subhanAllah she agreed. She has a milk brother so she knows the benefits of it. So I'm so happy that insha'Allah later (after her milk is established) I can finally have a milk baby! [I just hope she doen't change her mind though, maybe it was hormones talking? hehehe hopefully not]
So mabrouk to her and her family. Now all of my husband's brothers (and one older sister) have children and only one younger sister is left--but there is no rush she is young :) (Love ya darling if you're reading this!!!) It's amazing to see how the family has grown in the last 5 years that I've known them.

5:20 AM

Child Sexual Abuse (THE SACK MAN)

Wrote: American Muslima Writer |

wrote a very touching blog about Child Abuse and Sexual Child/People Abuse. A lot of people replied saying they were over cautious with thier kids because of their abuse in their past. I wanted to write more than a little comment about this because it's something that affects my life deeply.

Even before I could remember well (and I have early early memories from when i was 3 so we're talking before that) I was molested sexually and then many times after that when I was put with baby-sitters and then Arizona Governement(D.E.S.) foster homes bad things happened to me. One aweful foster family (I wonder if I'm legally allowed to name names?) the father raped my sister and had his son rape her too. She was only 5. People should be wary of where their children are at all times and who they are with. I can't stress this enough. I see these parents at parks and at the malls here in UAE and in Lebanon just letting very small kids run around without supervision. I think they are careless and stupid. It would be so easy for any man/person to snatch a pretty little kid and take it down stairs to the car parking and haul it inside (pretending the screaming kid is it's own naughty kid) it's (illegally) dark-tinted windowed car and have their way with the kid or kidnap the kid and take it to the desert or elsewhere. So I see these little kids running around parentsless and all this goes through my mind and I shudder.

I am extremely over protective when it comes to letting my daughter go anywhere. I know the dangers out there and I'm not letting MY daughter go through the crap I had to. Nor my SON. Sometimes I have really bad dreams about this and I hate those dreams but it reminds me to be ever vigalent. Once I finally let her take this van-bus to pre-school (making a big fuss that she always has to wear seat-belts) and the driver seemed nice enough but he looked like an indian form of the man who raped my sister (with thick gold chain necklaces and thick moustache overhanding almost his whole mouth) so I began to have horrid dreams and soon after made my husband start taking her to school. Still she wasn't happy in that school so I took her out of it completly. There are a lot of people who can just walk up into any school or place nearby and snatch her or whatever. I don't trust anyone. Especially in USA/Europe and especially in Middle East. USA/Europe because just more sickos out there from corrupted societies and Middle East because my kids are blond haired, blue-eyed, very white and masha'Allah adorable so these traits being highly valued in Arab countries makes me doubly edgy that even someone not in the sicko mind-frame might BECOME that.

SO not only am I protective but I am teaching my daughter and later when he's old enough to understand, my son, about strangers and that it's bad for anyone to touch them. When my daughter was just 2 and was starting to run off in the malls and my husband told me the tale of "Abu Keess" (Father of the Sack) where in Lebanon they frighten their kids by telling them the "Sack Man" will get them in their sack if they run away and he will never let them see their families again. I thought this cruel to teach a small kid until my husband pointed out to me that modern day Sack Men do exist (minus the sack) and will do worse than just "take away" a kid. So I started saying to my daughter that she has to stay with me in the malls or outside or the bad man Abu Keess might take her and I'd miss her so much and I'd be so sad to losoe her so it worked and if she starts running off a bit too far I just say two words and she stops to let me catch up (not in a fearful way just in a obediant way) ABU KEESS.

Then when she was starting school and I for one know those naughty kids (innocently and not innocently) who like to show them selves or play with themselves and others. So I taught her that no one touches her PeePee (name for her private parts) except a lady teacher who is cleaning her (islamically with water and tissues) after she goes Potty. To make this very clear I told her "If anyone tries to touch your peepee you shout and tell a teacher and then tell mommy and daddy so we can call the police and take them to jail." She was very impressed I'd put someone in jail for this. Everyday when washing her when she goes potty at home i ask if anyone touched her and would remind her of them going to jail because they are bad not her. So I made sure she is aware there are bad people out there and what she can do to protect herself. As she gets older I'll teach her (and my son) more things like alling police or how to run away etc.. but for now this keeps them safe so far. Oh and she's no longer in pre-schools but that's a whole other blog post.
I'm over my past and it held me back alot in life but since I became Muslim I understand the balance of justice better and know they will get theirs sooner or later and nothing that happened to me was my fault. Many of my siblings fear having children because we're afraid to hurt our kids inadvertaintly becuase of something that had happened to us in the past but after I became Muslim I got over that too and I protect and nuture my kids in the right way so they can grow into heathy individuals and have their own healthy families some day. insha'Allah.
We have to educate people that there are people like this out in the world and we have to be on our guard though not let it consume our lives but just to be wary. Some people believe the kids don't remeber it but let me tell you I remember and it took me a long time to tell even my best childhood friend until after 8 years had passed. I never shared these things with my parents or even my therapists. The only adult athority i told was a police woman who was investigating the case against the foster family that raped my sister. So far no action has been taken against them but I wish more could be done because who knows when that man might try it again. Again to his own daughter or her children etc... sick twisted ^%&@!#&^ . If someone lets me know if this is legal to say his name all over the net you bet I will update this post and really say what a Prick this guy is. Anyways be on your guard and protect your kids and don't let them out of your sight.

4:21 AM


Wrote: American Muslima Writer |

SubhanAllah. For the longest time I've had trouble praying on time. It is my biggest islamic fault and the one i hate the most about myself. Always I ask friends and family for advice and for a while it seems to work then later it slacks off again. Recently though I have felt so bad and have been through so much stress that things have gotten really out of hand and my husband took me to task in a not-friendly way and I did take note of what he said but I didn't know how to improve. SO off to the net for the night to see what I could find. My close friend from Lebanon was online and I chatted with her about it and she recommened to schedule in my prayers right after athan and set all kinds of alarms everywhere to not forget. Good advice definitly. So searching more through blogs and everything for inspiration of what to do even more to feel the urgency in my heart again to pray better I fianlly check my e-mails and find this: SubhanAllah JUST when I needed it the most. I hope this helps you out and Encourages and Warns you as it did for me.

--Forwarded Message Attachment--Date: Fri, 11 Apr 2008 20:04:07 +0300From: markazmaryam@gmail.comTo: markazmaryam@gmail.comSubject: "The prayer is better than the sleep"
"and recite the Qur'aan in the early dawn (i.e. the morning prayer). Verily, the recitation of the Qur'aan in the early dawn is ever witnessed (attended by the angels)".[soorah Al-Isra, v:78]
Praying Fajr reflects how much you love Allah the Almighty

The happiness of that guy was tremendous when a well-known company accepted him to work for it. He was over the moon as he was the only accepted candidate. He signed the contract that implies that he should agree on respecting the company working hours, delivering weekly reports about his work and activities, and accepting to be punished for any delinquency.
Soon later, the guy met his manager and said to him, "From tomorrow onwards, I will not come in time. And I will not deliver my weekly reports in time either; instead they will be delayed for a while. In spite of all that, I will not allow you to punish me, and you don't have the right to kick me out from work." If we imagine such a situation, we will laugh at the behaviour of that guy. No-one will see him but an insane and a fool person. How come can someone want to take his rights whereas he is not committed to his own obligations?! So, why most of us do the same strange action or even worse?
(As we commit a worse sin against the Law of Allah the Almighty.) How can a sane person allow himself to enjoy all Allah's graces: such as food, drink, clothes and life pleasures; whereas he doesn't offer Allah the simplest obligatory He obligates him to do, viz. Praying?!And even if he prays, then he doesn't pray in time or he prays like a rooster (i.e. he prays too hastily and carelessly). He neither complies with his praying nor apprehends what he says. According to our web site visitors survey in the arabic section of that included more than 4000 persons: 14% of them never pray Fajr in its time16% of them rarely pray Fajr in its time33% of them often pray Fajr in its time35% of them always pray Fajr in its timeSubhan Allah!! We are not talking about jurisprudence about which scholars disagreed or even a Sunnah that one has a choice to do or not. We are talking about ABC Islam. We are talking about praying that Allah Almighty obligates on all Muslims - whatever their conditions are. When Allah the Almighty ordered Muslims to pray He warned those who delay the prayer after its designated time, saying:
"So woe to the worshippers Who are neglectful Of their prayers" [Surat Al-ma'oon 107:4-5]
The interpreters said that what is meant by this verse is delaying prayer after its designated time.They also said : "woe" is a very deep sheer black valley in Hell. Don't we believe in Allah's Words? A lot of Muslims nowadays neglect Fajr prayer as if they it was not there. That's why they pray it much later than its time. In addition, some of them pray it immediately before the Noon prayer. Others may never pray it even for compensation (Qaddaa). So why all this laziness against what Allah the Almighty deserves? Don't we proclaim that we love Allah the Almighty more than any thing else? Once one of us loves someone a true love, he will be willing to meet him. He may keep thinking of him most of the time. Once he has a date with him, he can NOT sleep until he meets the one he loves. So, do those lazy prayers who do not pray Fajr prayer really love Allah? Do they really respect His Orders? Are they willing to meet Him?. Let's imagine that a multi-millionaire offered one of his employees $1000 every day, just on one condition, viz. the employee must call daily at his employer's house in the morning as to wake him up then leave. Such a simple task may take the employee 10 minutes only. This marvellously generous offer will be valid as long as the employee keeps awaking his employer regularly. On the other hand, this offer will be cancelled permanently, and the employee will be asked to return all the money he received, if he neglects to awake his employer once without an excuse. So, if you, my Muslim brother, were that employee , will you neglect to call at your employer's house? Won't you carefully intend to wake up daily to get the one thousand dollar? Won't you - once you failed one morning - try with all means to prove that you were truly unable to wake up?. Allah has the higher example, so what about you my dear brother towards your Lord, Allah the Almighty? He is the ONLY ONE who gives you your means of living and who bestowed you with every thing, whose blessings on you are utterly much more than millions of dollars daily. It is Him Who says:
"...if you try to count the blessings of Allah , you will fail...." [Surat Ibrahim: 14 : 34]
Doesn't this Lord, the The Most Merciful, the Most Generous deserve that you wake up for Him every morning at about 5.30 a.m. so as to thank Him just in 5 or 10 minutes for His great blessings and his generous favours? The judgement against those who neglect praying Fajr Prayer in time: Allah the Almighty says:
"...for such prayers are enjoined on Believers at stated times." [Surat Annesaa: 4 : 103]
· Islam is a comprehensive way of life… It is like an agreement between The Great Lord and His humble servant. According to this agreement, the servant commits to certain obligations before Allah. With respect to these obligations, Allah would grant the servant rights and privileges. It is insensible that you agree to this contract, then, soon afterwards, you do whatever you like and neglect whatever you do not like. Allah Almighty says in the Quran: " O ye who believe! Enter into Islam whole-heartedly; and follow not the footsteps of the Evil One; for he is to you an avowed enemy." [Surat Al-baqara: 2 : 208]The interpreters said: this means to accept Islam with all its legislation and rules. Allah got exasperated with the people of Israel when they performed what they liked from His religion and neglected the rest. That's why He addresses them saying: "…Then is it only a part of the Book that ye believe in, and do ye reject the rest? But what is the reward for those among you who behave like this but disgrace in this life? And on the Day of Judgment they shall be consigned to the most grievous penalty. For Allah is not unmindful of what ye do." [Surat Al-baqara: 2 : 85]
As far as one's punctuality on attending prayers is considered, The Prophet (peace be upon him) sees those who do not punctually attend Fajr (dawn) and Ishaa (night) Salat in congregation as being sheer hypocrites "Munafeqeen". So what do you think of those who do not pray Fajr at all, neither in congregation nor alone (at home)?
· The Prophet (pbuh) said: "There is no prayer more difficult to attend for hypocrites than Fajr and Ishaa. And if they knew what's in them (i.e. the good reward - thawab) they would attend them even if they had to come crawling." (Narrated by Bukhari)
· Allah Almighty mentions that He disavows whosoever neglects the obligatory Salat. Besides, The Prophet (pbuh) said: "Do not ever leave Salat on purpose because whoever does so then he is disavowed by Allah and His Messenger." (Narrated by Imam Ahmad)
So do you like, Oh Muslim brother and sister, for the closest one to you to disavow you? So how do you neglect the Salat and cause Allah to be disavow you? what have I to do?
· Every one us should set an alarm clock to wake him for Fajr Salat daily.
· We should give Salat its status in our lives, and we should discipline our jobs according to the Salat regular times. (Unfortunately, we simply do the opposite!)
· We should sleep early and wake up for Fajr and then leave for work. Soon after Fajr, Allah distributes people's sustenance (Arzaq).
· Each one of us should seek a good companionship that would call to wake him at Fajr Salat. Moreover, they would help one another to adhere to such a good deed.
· We should keep on saying our nightly Duaa (that we say just after before going to sleep) asking Allah to help us do our Salat.
· To feel guilty if we missed a single obligatory Salat. Furthermore, we should vow never to repeat this big sin. And make it up.
May Allah make us all be among those who truly love Him. May He give us sincerity in both words and deeds. (Amen) Finally, whatever is right in this article then it is a gift from Allah. And whatever mistakes or shortcomings then they are due to myself or Shaytan (Satan).Taken from
some practical steps that will help to pray Fajr regularly inshaAllaah:
· Sleeping early
· not talking after Isha (as it is disliked)
· To be taahir(clean) & saying the adhkaar before sleeping
· Having a sincere intention & being determind.
· Seeking help from one's family & friends
· Setting alarms for fajr (on phones, mobiles, clocks)
· Throwing water in the face of sleeping person.
· Switching on the lights to dispel sleep.
· Not eating too much before going to sleep.
· & most importantly making duaa to Allaah subhanahu wa ta3aala, as it is one of the greatest source of strength & success in all things.
Extracted & summarized from the book by Shaykh Salih Munajjid
.-- "جئنا هنا رب لترضى""We are here our Rabb to please You"
So let me hear your feedback about if you pray on time and how you manage to do it. And if you don't pray on time let me know what you've tried in the past to do. Don't be shy or nervous to admit your sins even though i know it's hard. The point is not to admit it for to be scolded but to admit it so you can move on past the guilt and learn how to improve yourself. We must support each other.

4:57 PM

A New Chapter

Wrote: American Muslima Writer |

A new Chapter is begining in my life. An old girl scouts song is going through my head:

Make new friends
But keep the old...
One is silver
And the other's gold.

A circle's round
It has no end...
That's how long
I want to be your friend.

My dearest friend I've ever met has just left UAE and I don't know if I'll ever see her again. She was like my twin. We think the same, act the same, and our lives have been the same in almost everything. We have everything in common with only enough differences to spice things up. And now she had to go back to Canada. I spent a night crying but then wrote her an inspirational letter and I felt more comfortable with the seperation (plus there is always phones and e-mail!). Still there will be no more visits and such.
On another note my favorite blogs have been deleted or gone super private and I dunno what's up with all that but it's sad for me not to be able to go and read them and to inspire myself and them etc... so it looks like either I find new blogs to inspire me (of course beside those of you I do read already still that are open) or I just give up on finding new ones. Would give me more time for my personal life anyways.
My house is almost back to normal but better. I'm down to the last room and I'm preparing it so it will be easy to upkeep and maintain AND still be functional. I feel once the house is in order i can improve the rest of my life by getting it in order.
My hubby took the PC for repairs so it is back and working yet somehow my "favorite" websites got deleted which sucks because i had some awesome places picked out and now I can't get back to some of them. So if it wasn't on my saved blogroll then it's gone for now.
My Canadian friend gave me her bulky DVD player (keeping a streamline one for herself and her trip back to canada) so now that is keeping my daughter happy and out of my hair while I organize my life. Alhamdulliah.

So all in all it seems like life is getting more smooth and I'm looking forward to the new things that will come for me. Maybe new friends (yet surely not another who is my twin), maybe new places to see, maybe new experiences to be had, maybe new turn in life.
I should really re-assess my yearly goals and see if they are still what I really want out of life. I feel I've changed so much in just these last few months since I started this blog. Was it finding more friends who helped me soul-search or I don't know what else but life certainly always changes for me and I adapt well.

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