So ya'll may want an update on the whole TV issue. I banned it off until 6pm for everyone including myself. The first day went better than I expected I just stated there is a new rule and they took it well. BUt my daughter asked every fifteen minutes if it was 6 o'clock yet. I can live with that. We spent the time doing more family things like GASP actaully talk to each other! My husband spends more time playing with the kids and that's good for them. So it's working so far alhamdulillah!
After thinking really hard about life and how short it is and how I need to consintarate on the spiritual matters of life more and encourage my family to do so. I really thought about how TV is the root of many problems in my house. What does hubby do when coming home? Eat and watch the hilarious Conan O'Brien. Ok we also watch CNN/Orbit news programs or comedy shows or a rare movie. What we are not doing is sitting down and reading qur'an as a family or playing games as a family or doing ANYTHING as a family. In the afternoons it's a TV war of who gets a turn. My 3 year old is obsessed with Playhouse Disney.
She will literally cry and put out all the acting stops to get her father not to have his turn on the TV so she can continue her marathon of DISNEY DISNEY DISNEY. You say it is my fault and you're right it is. I relied too much on the TV to amuse my daughter when I was pregnant and then after i had my son. I wanted her to leave me in peace to put the baby to sleep so I'd put on disney or a movie to keep her entertained because I didn't have the time to play interactive games with her. Now I'm paying the price and so is she. She's hooked day and night. The only way to get her excited about waking up in the morning is to say "Oh look Disney is on TV". She hops out of bed and runs to the couch to slump there-in until i get her dressed. Now Playhouse Disney does have excellent shows for pre-schoolers and she has learned a lot about life from these shows and I am happy she learns things not just mindless zoning but ALL DAY!?
This is time she can be pretending with her toys or interacting with me more and I think i need to lay down the law now to everyone in the house. No more TV all the time! I thought about cancelling my Orbit subscription but then I think about that what if i want to watch how the latest war is deveolping on CNN? Is this shaytan whispering in my ear so I don't ban my TV? You betcha. I have my workout DVD's so I can't just ban the TV altogether so maybe i should start limiting it for now and see how that works first. I want my family to be less materialistic (not that we are or can afford to be but what we have is not really needed for this life) but where does one draw the line? I want my family to spend time on Islam but does tossing all unnessisary things guarantee that this will happen? If I get rid of all the junk we've accumilated and all the stuff we haven't touched in months will life really improve? Where is the moderation between living with the bare essentials and getting by in today's world? Movies are fun especailly for kids and gives them a chance to flex their imaginations, thought they ceratinly aren't nessisary Islamically so how does one balance what to get and not to get in this life? I want my family to reach Jannah insha'Allah but I don't want to deprive my family of a "normal" life. I want us to be closer and to have quality time together. I want us to be as minimalistic as possible without being barren. Why waste our precious(meaning rare) money on things that will not benefit us in the next life? I want us to have experiences yet I don't want us corrupted. How do I achieve balance?
Sometimes I just want to smash all the unnessisary things!
How do we make things easier for ourselves? Through Thikr (remembrance of Allah). Now you're going to say didn't you just make a whole post about thikr in Qur'an? Yes I did and shame on me I don't make thikr enough. I have about 7 thikr beads (for non-muslims they look like a catholic rosary- but most have 99 beads total in three sets of 33 with small seperators between the sets and one large bead or tassle for the 100th bead) and I used to use them a lot. Then people said it was better to use your fingers so I made a system on my fingers to make counting easy. But without something in your hand to remind me to do it often the habit has fallen on the wayside.
I felt uncertain and really crummy recently about the future and what it might hold for me and though I made my prayers and made my du'as I still felt this boiling of my mind. My feet led me to my shelf with my dusty collection of memorabilias and glassware where my thikr beads are laying neglected in an old necklace box. I picked up my favorite deep red one and started thumbing it when i noticed the thick layer of dust all over each bead. I felt sad, I felt ashamed, I felt I had to blog about it. As I signed in and waited for the loading I said my 33 Alhamdulillahs, 33 SubhanAllahs, 33 Allahu Akbars, and 1 shahada. I consentrated deeply on each of the words and what they mean & what I'm thankful for.
After I wrote all that and my son interupted me by crying and wanting his right of milk I took my beads to bed and after getting him to sleep I thought more and more about life and the challenges I'm facing. Sometimes I think we are too attatched to this life and we struggle so much in this life for things that wont mean much in the long run. I will make a blog about this later of course.
So with my less dusty beads I strove hard to remember a supplication that is very strong to say 100 times. I could only remember half of it but that half is very powerful. "I praise Allah by all of His creations." Which means for every grain of sand on this earth and all earths; for every drop of water that Allah has created; for every molicule in the air we breathe; for every drop of blood in every body ever made; for every angel, jinn, human, plant, animal; for every star in the sky; for every galaxy in the universe; and for every atom Allah has created ever and forever I praise Him and Him alone.
I felt so much peace and closeness to Allah subhana wa ta'ala. I clearly saw how short this life is and how much more I needed to strive in Islam to insha'Allah gain Jannah (Paradise) for ETERNITY.
Some may wonder from the last post why I have this problem with letting people in my life.
It has to do with all the old friends I used to have.
First growing up I didn't have many friends though the few I had were the ones that I still have now 10 to 15 years later. When I gained weight around 5th grade I had a few friends and I used to be popular but suddenly I wasn't popular and sometimes people pretended to be my friend then a few days later wouldn't be. For 6th grade I moved across town and since i was the new kid no one wanted to really get close to me. I spent that whole year without any close friends. Only once did this girl try to be friends with me and I was so excited that everyday when we walked home from school together I would invite myself to her house thinking she wanted to always have me at her home. One day I was like do you want to go to your house or mine and she was like neither i don't like you and never have. She just wanted to know my secret thoughts about the people in class. She spread everything I said around school and then i had even less friends. The next two years I finally found a clic of kinda nerdy/music/artist/loners. We were pretty close but I was really nervous to invite myself to anyone's house after what happened in 6th grade. From 9th to 12th grade I really mainly kept to my clic and we added and subtracted friends now and then. After school finished and I was involved heavily in Islam and meeting with my fiance (now hubby) I didn't have time to really deal with friends too much. I had my roommate and her issues and that was plenty for me. Eventually I got to Lebanon and it took me about 6 to 8 months to find the Muslim Foreign sisters there.
They were very welcoming. They were all Asian and were in a group called Sahariat. I learned Fiqh Shafi from them and started learning the Companions of the Prophet. Soon after that one sister invited me to a new group of women who were all westerners (Americans, Europeans, Hispanic) and they had lessons each week too! So I began to go to their lessons too but I didn't have a best friend only two groups of acquaintances. One sister from Sweden invited me a few times to her house after classes and soon it became a weekly thing for maybe two years. Yet nearly each week I wondered if she really wanted me to come or if she was just being polite yet each week she'd invite me again so I'd assume she liked me. One of the Asian ladies and my Swedish friend we found a NEW group of really mixed Muslims from the world but all the sisters followed one ideology- Habashi (Association of Islamic Charitable Projects). SO now I had three groups and really they didn't all HATE each other but they kinda back-bited each other constantly and it was really stressful to have to choose between each group. They eventually at one point had all their Halikas on the SAME DAY at the SAME time. So I was forced to choose. I chose religion of course and had to go with the Habish because they were teaching me the fundamentals of the beliefs of Islam. So the other groups were a bit miffed at me and I wound up not calling them for a while. I was happy with my friends but I only got close to the Swedish woman and a Latvian woman.
When the war started in Lebanon 2006. I left for a few months. When I came back everything was mixed up. A lot of people had left the country for good. Others wouldn't return for a few more months. I stayed away from all groups for about 4 months. Then slowly I began visiting my old friends one by one and they would invite me to the lessons and I started going to a mix of lessons again. It was then I was preg. with my 2nd child and I started wearing niqab too. My Swedish friend had stayed in Sweden and wasn't coming back so I felt very lonely again. Though I visited other friends and enjoyed my time I didn't have a best friend. Through the Western group I met one of their daughters who was 17 at the time and she loved books like me and we hit it off. But i was to leave for UAE within a month. We visited each other a lot and she even helped me pack up. I was sad to leave everyone in Lebanon but I was a bit relieved too that I wasn't torn between groups.
In UAE I was given contact numbers for meeting new sisters and it took me a while before I called a few of them. Of course things went well and alhamdulliah they are still in my life. But they live far from me so I only can see them every few months for a dinner. I didn't contact any of the habish here because I wanted to concentrate on my troubled marriage (which is better now) and taking care of myself with the preg and then my two kids. I didn't want to be torn again between choosing friends based on geography or sects. So I've met a few sisters here and there and they've given me numbers for more sisters to meet but once again I'm to scared to all them. As you can see from my last post this Canadian Sister is the one who really brought me more out of my shell but I will always have this problem not just with meeting people but of trying to decide if they are bothered by me visiting them a lot or trying to become best friends with them. Now I must decide whether to take the next step and continue to meet with these sisters who I went to the Moulid Party with. They are Sufi, but I'd be visiting them more to just be friends. I'm just worried because the only one who I felt my soul connecting with was the Canadian who might be leaving soon. They were all nice but I didn't feel that tug on my heart to embrace them. I've always tried to follow my heart and I find myself a very good judge of character and can usually spot someone I'm going to be friend with a long time just by the first look we exchange. Should I use the other contact numbers I had gotten and try to contact more people who I might be more comfortable with or should I just keep trying to embrace this group?
The old friends of my past continue to stay with me and effect my future....
I've had a moving experience lately.
I was called one day suddenly out of the blue a few weeks ago about a Canadian Muslimah with three kids who needed help finding a hosue and a job here in UAE. Immediatly I did my best to call people and see about getting her a job but subhan'Allah everyone turned me down. Next I thought about the housing problem. Next door to me they were building houses and so I told my hubby to find out more info. He did and so finallyI had something substancial to tell this sister. But something held me back from calling her right away. I hemmed and hawed a few days and everyday my husband would say have you called her and I'd make stupid excuses why I hadn't.
The truth of the matter is I was scared. When you let someone into your life you have to expect your life to change. Either for the better or worse. Everyone you meet impacts your life in some way and I was scared of how this unknown sister in need would impact my life. Finally in the middle of dinner at the Mall I just took a few calming breaths and called her (after my hubby heckling me of course). I told her I had some info about houses and I'd like to meet with her when she had the chance. She sounded confused by my call and like she was too busy to deal with my call right then so I hung up feeling a bit sweaty but relieved i got the contact over with. Soon after I got sick and my family did too and every so often my husband and I would discuss her situation and we talked about the posibility of her staying with us if she needed. After I felt a little better I called her up to check up on her and she sounded more at ease and definitly interested in meeting me ASAP. So I arranged for her to come to my house and as soon as she stepped out of my hubby's car and onto the sidewalk and we exchanged kisses I felt this giddy feeling come over me. I welcomed her and her cute three kids into my home and we chatted non-stop. We tried to check out the houses near me but the owner was being shifty so it was a dead-end there. SO we walked up to Al-Ain Mall to socialize and get some dinner. It was a lovely walk and having someone to talk with while you walk is something I haven't experienced for a long time. We prayed together (my first time leading a woman for over a year) and ate together and shared experiences. We really clicked well together and had fun.
Finally it was time for her to go and so I bid her fond farewell after we relaxed in the garden for a while at my house. After she left I felt restless like I needed to keep talking. I needed to keep interacting. But I only had my kids to deal with. My huband was tired and hungry and just wanted to sleep soon after eating so I didn't get to chat much with him. We both agreed how nice she was though.
A few days passed and I called her to ask if I could visit her and she agreed at first but then she became so busy the next few days that I couldn't see her. I felt like i was walking on eggshells because I didn't want to seem pushy and I didn't want her to think I'm trying to stalk her or something. Sometimes I think someone likes me and then later I would find out that I like them more than they like me - so I'm cautious about overstepping boundries now. So I waited a few more days and it was finally Jummah(Friday) and I decided to cal her and ask her to have picnic with us in the park. She said she was busy because she was going to a gathering for Moulid (Prophet Muhammad's Birthday) then at the last second she asked if i wanted to come and then arranged for me to do so. I was excited. All these women's number's I had (who live in Al-Ain) for so long in my phone i was about to meet them and I got that scared feeling again. How would they impact my life?
I went to the party and had fun but the best part was really seeing how much I got along with this canadian sister. I felt drawn to her soul as I had been drawn to many of my closest friends before in the past. SO I insisted to take her home and she accepted and when we got to her house and I walked her inside we were laughing SO MUCH. She invited me the next morning (THIS MORNING) to her house and I agreed. I spent the night hemming over if she likes me as much as I like her. (this is a big issue for me)
This morning was one of the most relaxing and best days I've had since I came to UAE. We had coffee and hung out with our kids and let them run around on the grass, we laughed and chatted and had deep conversations abut life and meaning there-in. We affirmed how short this life is and how we need to think about the next life and how to get to Jannah (YA RABB!). It was the first time I felt like I really belonged as a friend since comming to UAE. She's the kind of person that you instantly become best friends with. I enjoyed my morning so thouroughly that when my husband came to pick me up in the early afternoon i was so sad. SO of course I'm worried about still if I like her more than she likes me when she invites me TOMORROW MORNING to come again. That settled it for me. OK she likes me or she definitly wouldn't invite me THE NEXT DAY. So now I will have to beg my hubby to drive me all the way again. It's amazing how much we have in common, though we grew up so far apart. She's even DaVinci like me (I let her read the book)! SO this afternoon I felt an emptyness as I wandered my house. Once again I had only myself and my small kids to talk to. I Missed having a friend there to chat with when something enters my head. It's weird for me this sudden need to socailize because I've spent the past year and few months pretty much by myself all the time and got used to it. I never knew how much I missed having friends and how much friends can be good for your life. I've been a better Muslim since I met her and I've tried my best to impact her life in good ways (insha'Allah).
The sad part of this is her time in UAE may be temporary and I might loose this friend (though there is always e-mail!) but next time I think I wont be as nervous to meet people. That I'm becoming more confident about letting new poeple into my life.
I've had this Goal for longer than I've had this blog. I've wanted to share but felt I had enough goals on the table without adding this one to it so I made a new blog for it.
I'm still doing construction work on it because finding pictures takes time~!
Enjoy! It's all about my weight loss Goals.
Don't you just love the name Sweaty Hijab? Hehehe I bet odd images come to mind...
Ohh man, Last night I was up all night with two cuties who refused to sleep. It was a vicious cycle. The baby would cry for milk/diaper change/cuddling/rocking to sleep/playing all night. My 3yrs daughter wanted nothing but to lay next to me where ever i was. But she wasn't sleepy. 4 is definitly a crowd in bed so I kept having to go back and forth between the kids and try to convince the suddenly unattachable daughter to stay in her bed. She's just so clingy at night now. It's cute but definitly annoying when the baby is up too! Has anyone out there had this problem with their pre-schooler?
I felt just now I wanted to rant and rave about something but I can't because too many poeple I know including the person I want to rant about read this... and my other blog too everyone reads it. SO how can one publicly rant without anyone knowing it's me? SHould I make a secret new blog called anon and rant all day on it? But eventaully someon would find it, they always do... *sigh*
Some of my favorite books to read are Historical ROmance. I inherited a large shelf stuffed with historical Romances. Mainly of England. Beautiful Opinionated White women being sought after by Mr. Tall Dark and White Handsome. I loved the books and still do but at the age of 14 I kept searching book stores and came across "Black Romance". I thought wow that is interesting that they seperate the romance section Why can't there be mixed heros and heroines.
Later about 15/16ish I was watching boxing with my Grandfather and simultaniously formulating a plot and characters for my book when I hear "Up next England's Best Boxer from ***Shire." I look up expecting to see Mr Tall Dark and White Handsome and see a very dark gentleman pumping his boxing gloves together. My eyebrows rose but then when he started talking they nearly rose straight off my face. He had a british accent! Imagine that! a black person in England. I was beyond shocked not because of the boxer but because of my own stupidity and lack of knowledge. All books I ever read had whites in them and all history books talked about white kings and queens and royalty. I grew up with mexican friends and black friends but never did I ever hear of black poeple in England. I was angry that I was so stupid and lived in such a country that has so little multi-culturism that I'm 15/16 and was shocked by a black person with a british accent.
The same thing happened later when IN Lebanon and had learned by then that poeple from all over are all different colors and that is wonderful. I was introduced to a woman who was from SOuth Africa. I was therefore quite confused to meet a white woman with a british accent. She saw my confusion and was so sweet to me and explained about colonization and such. I felt stupid again. WHy does this keep happening. I'm not racist in any way I have friends from all colors and love them equally and dearly. But somehow becuase of the way I was raised in USA I didn't know that just because someone is from a certain area they have to be a certain color.
I just read an entry reply on PM's blog where someone said "I didn't know Puerto Ricans had (black) people." I relived the shame of that day watching the boxing match.
I read Angry Muslimah's entry on the injustice of Black WOman being treated unfairly in marriages especially darker blacks. Again I felt I wanted to comment that I'm glad she's sticking up for the sisters that need it but I was so ashamed from the day of the boxing match so I didn't reply.
I met a Canadian sister recently and was expecting to meet a white woman and was plesently surprised to see she was light black and had three beautiful dark kids. I didn't treat her differently of course because as I said I have friends from all walks of life and we had a wonderful long evening, but still WHY did I assume she was white before I met her?
So now I'm saying it for the world to hear WHY don't people understnad that there are people of all colors from all places? WHY am I constantly shocked and SHAMED?!?! I'm not racist I'M NOT!!!!!!!!! SO WHY the constant shock when I meet new people? WHy was I brought up to not know and expect things to be different?
What kind of thing should you call it when, as a child, you don't buy Black Romance novels? When you don't buy the black Barbies/dolls? When "Black Pollyanna" comes on and you get bored and switch on the white Pollyanna and are facinated? WHAT IS UP WITH THIS?!?!?! I don't like it! I'm ashamed of this!
Why didn't anyone ever tell me there ARE Black People in England!
It's very important to help our sisters of all religions and races. Please sign this
Mastectomy: This is important!
From a nurse: I'll never forget the look in my patients eyes when I had to tell them they had to go home with the drains, new exercises and no breast. I remember begging the Doctors to keep these women in the hospital longer, only to hear that they would, but their hands were tied by the insurance companies. So there I sat with my patients, giving them the instructions they needed to take care of themselves, knowing full well they didn't grasp half of what I was saying, because the glazed, hopeless, frightened look spoke louder than the quiet 'Thank You' they muttered.
A mastectomy is when a woman's breast is removed in order to remove cancerous breast cells/tissue. If you know anyone who has had a Mastectomy, you may know that there is a lot of pain afterwards. Insurance companies are trying to make mastectomies an outpatient procedure. Let's give women the chance to recover properly in the hospital
for 2 days after surgery.
It takes 2 seconds to do this and is very important .. Please take the time.Please send this to everyone in your address book. If there was ever a time when our voices and choices should be heard, this is it.If you're receiving this, it's because I think you will take the 30 seconds to vote on this issue and send it on to others. You know who will do the same. There's a bill called the Breast Cancer Patient Protection Act which will require
Insurance Companies to cover a minimum 48-hour hospital stay for patients
undergoing a mastectomy. It's about eliminating the 'drive-through mastectomy'
where women are forced to go home just a few hours after surgery,against the wishes of their doctor, still groggy from anesthesia and sometimes with drainage tubes still attached. Lifetime Television has put this bill on their Web page with a petition drive to show your support. Last year over half the House signed on. PLEASE!! Sign the petition by clicking on the Web site below. You need not give more than your name and zip code number.
May Allah reward you...
I've always yearned to be a LADY. A proper, sophisticated, well groomed, well mannered, graceful Lady. Who's skin is always in top condition and clothes are elegant yet modest. I've searched far and wide for this "inner me". Through clothing changes, Renaissance re-enactment in the SCA, and religious change into Islam. Finally in Islam I received my answer. I already embody this Lady in my heart. Now just conforming my outside appearance would be more challenging. Obviously though the abaya it is elegant and modest and if you add the lovely black gloves it is indeed sophisticated. Hijabs of all styles allow one to be modest and still fashionable.
So OK I have the clothes and the heart. What about the graces and manners? Islam teaches the best of manners for sure and I strive to follow them. Graces?
AHHHH here is the crux of the matter! We as young girls in America don't really learn these social graces as formal education anymore. It's too 50's-ish. Feminist says we must BE men Equal in every way. So I never learned to walk gracefully balancing a book on my head etc.. I never got to learn how to primp to look best for one's husband. (I'm not talking make-up and teddies ladies....) No one ever taught me to do all these feminine things!!! I'm not talking about being able to excite a man I'm talking about being a graceful LADY. Grace and poise, grace and poise! No one taught me how best to set a formal table or which fork or spoon comes first. I was envious in the movie "Mona Lisa Smile" the Etiquette class they had.
My brother-in-law's wife is the most graceful person I've ever met. She wastes no movement as she glides (not walks). Her gestures are simple and elegant and even wearing sports clothing she exudes grace and poise. I watch her in awe. Her mother has that same grace as does her brother (but in a manly way). I wonder if it's genetic or they learned from their mother.
How does one learn grace? Why aren't we taught in school or by our mothers how to be WOMEN!!!! The ART of being a WOMAN!!! Why can't they teach us? You see these politicians wives at the sides of their husbands exuding grace and poise and the sense of everyone knowing she has a lot of control BUT SECRETLY! Where did they get it from! Where can I get it? I've read hundreds of Historical Romance books longing for the social graces they exude.
In school you are either in the popular crowd where the more flesh you show the better you get noticed or you're in the out crowd which develops your personality cause you can't make it physically. Well I fully admit it I was in the out crowd I was the FAT GIRL in school who
was made fun of. How can you learn grace if you're constantly being told you're not good enough?
I'm not graceful or elegant....*munch munch munch* !Weight goes up! People
laugh.... strive again to dance with grace but once again people laugh at the fat ballerina..... *munch munch munch* !Weight goes up! ITS A VICIOUS CYCLE!
I didn't have the option of taking home EC in school so I don't know if you learn something useful in there like how to be a good housewife and be graceful but I sure wish there was a class in this.
Why is America against bringing up good housewives and good graceful women who can teach their daughters and sons a good way to move about the earth? Sometimes I feel like a clumsy ox lumbering around my house especially when i run. I want to soar like an eagle majestic not putter like a car on empty. I know I have graceful movement sometimes and I strive to use them more but it's not learnEd so how can one teach oneself? I'm angry at America. I'm angry at feminist that don't want me to be graceful at my husband's side supporting him with my silent strength as good women can.
Now I'm all for the betterment of womankind but can't we keep our gracefulness? I want to be a LADY!
Miss Muslimah is nervous to wear hijab and that is normal. Everyone has this nervousness at first about what people will say to them.
My mom didn't like when I wore it because people asked HER questions and she didn't know what to reply.
I want all the sisters and brothers out there to write the offensive and funny comments they have gotten for hijab and what they replied to that so others can have something to say when they are confronted.... even if what you replied wasn't islamically acceptable i still wanna hear it. (shorten the cuss words though ;) )
1. Once I got off a greyhound in Tucson,AZ (my hometown) and was waiting
for my father to pick me up and this ignorant man called across the parking lot
"Hey you RAG HEAD!!!! GO BACK TO YOUR COUNTRY! WE DON'T NEED F*- POEPLE LIKE YOU
HERE!" I stood up glaring did the ungalant thing and flipped him off "I'M FROM
TUCSON YOU MORON!"
2. Waiting for a bus on my way home from school in late spring (which means
90's degreesF hot outside) and this middleaged woman is standing and i smile at
her and she gives a furtive smile. A few minutes pass as we stand silently
then she calls out "Aren't you hot in that thing?" I smile "Oh not at all,
it's blocking the sun from reaching my body. Especailly keeps my head
cool." She nodds and thinks about that as she stands in the sweltering heat and
every so often starts touching her hair to see how hot she's getting as I keep
3. My friend in the SCA (renn. re-enactment group) comes up to me the first day I'm wearing my hijab openly (after saying shahada only a week ago). "Oh, you look really Muslim" "I AM!" I replied smiling. She thought obvisously that I think I'm pretending to be a muslim for a character. "No honey, you LOOK LIKE A REAL MUSLIM!" She emphasized. "I AM A REAL MUSLIM. I CONVERTED LAST WEEK." I emphasized back...... silence ensued as the whole group overheard and had to think about that for a while. Then my other friend Amanda popped up "Cool! I like the scarf!" I sighed as everything went back to normal. No one said anything again and things went fine after that. (Love you Amanda!)
Yalla everyone I want lots of replies to help this sister out and others who just want to share the funny/difficult things that happend to them when wearing hijab. May Allah reward you for being brave. Ask your friends to add stories too. This will be a great collection. Post as many times as you like.
Ah we all thought the little merry-go-round was too fast, too exciting, too daring..... little did we know the roller coaster that it lead to next was more extreme!
We wobbled off the merry-go-round looking like things were going to get better because Captain Panadol (Tylenol) and Superwoman Cough Syrup help save us from doom. Then they went to take a nap and a crowd rushed by us and swept us up into the line of a roller coaster and before we could even protest here we are flying full speed to only Allah knows where.
Daughter cries that the coaster is making her fever too high and the rushing winds make her cough up her lungs. Baby doesn't mind the hieghts anymore as his fever has vanished alhamdulliah but those winds are giving him one nasty croak of a cough. I'm trying to hang on so I don't fall off on the loop-de-loops but I also have to hold my WHOLE family in place and make sure that every 4-6 hours Captain Panadol and Superwoman Cough Syrup show up and try to slow the ride. (I feel like a pharmasist) When I thought I couldn't possibly be stretched further HUbby comes down over night with aches and pains, fever, cough and finally took my advice to stay with me on the coaster instead of running away to his cozy job free of germs. Though it's hard to hold everyone and myself on the ride we have a new re-enforcement of Flash Ibuprofen. He's super fast and super strong and he's taking the bite out of germs. While Captain Panadol and Superwoman Cough Syrup try to fix the coaster to stop, Flash Ibuprofen is the real hero because he keeps me and hubby sane enough to help the little ones. We are in a battle that is indeed mighty fierce but through it I know Allah will cure us and make my babies smiling again. For only with Allah is there cure. He gave us the Captin Panadol, Superwoman Cough Syrup, and Flash Ibuprofen and only HE can make them strong enough to help us.
Thank you sisters and brothers out there who have wished us well to recovery and plz keep us in your du'a.
Here we go merry-go-round, merry-go-round, here we go merry-go-round ALL FREAKIN DAY!!!!!!!! UGH!!!!
First it started out as an innocent cough from the far corner that is my daughter's bed at night. It moved up to a fever that kept her home from school for the day with some Panadol re-enforcements.
Now after Dr visits she's on anti-biotics for a full case of who knows what.
Then when we thought the ride was over the button was pushed again and it kept going...
Another more innocent cough started cuddled to my chest that is my son's place at night.
It moved faster to a full fever that started out my Jummah on a bad note
After Dr visit we thought it would be smoother like the first ride.
Then the merry-go-round started making odd noises and nearly threw us all off as son threw up anti-biotics twice no matter how I presented them.
All night with two kids fever and coughing that was barilly ebbed by beloved Captain Panadol, the hero of fevers.
After not eating all day because we were busy, hubby and I decided a treat to McDs would do to turn this merry-go-round ride from torment to fun.
Sure the food was good and daughter had fun on slides and climbing and son had fun playing with cardboard wrappings UNTIL!
Mommy nearly passes out from too much riding! I woosily get to the car and by the time we get home I'm beat and my head is throbbing. I weakly hold onto the merry-go-round and do my duty to my kids to make sure they are comfy in their beds as my body aches at every joint and muscle. My throat is particualrly scratchy and my head on fire. I down a ibuprophen and pray to Allah to make the ride stop just for a few hours so i can sleep. Allah answers my prayers and the ride is stopped but we are still chained to the merry-go-round. I wake up to three fevers, crying, now daughter yells tissue at the top of her scratchy voice every time her nose is a little drippy which is ALL the time. Also she says her eyes hurt as if she's about to go blind which frightens me a lot. The only reaon I'm able to blog on this merry-go-round that has lasted for a week now is because both kids are heat-comatose in fever and sleeping.
Ah but good things come to an end right? Please make du'a out there that we all get better soon and the merry-go-round will stop.
Sometimes I feel like a sock that has been knitted over and over patching each patch with a new color. Sigh I'm re-torn about life and blogging.
I've been maddly commenting on blogs far and wide getting a feel for what I love and am passionate about. Yes still Islam #1! That's not gonna change!
But thanks to Angry Muslimah (see link on side bar) I've re-awakened another side of mine... the compassionate one. I love about Islam it's compassion to those in need. Never before have I seen people who will take in complete strangers just because they are in need.
I read posts where someone "finds" a baby and milks it and raises it as their own. I think where's my baby? I have milk! Why can't I be the one to find a baby?!?!?! I'd love to raise an orphan as my own milk child! I want to help!
I read post where women have bad domestic problems and need a place to recouperate and someone to encourage them to get the help they need. ANd to put it bluntly spell out for them their Right in Islam. I want to talk to these women and encourage them! I want to shelter them and their children! I want to make a difference in someone's life for the better in their need of crisis!
I read posts about ignorance of Islamic laws and those men and women who don't follow the laws and cause harm to others. I want to educate them! I know lots about Islam! I want to teach them what is good and bad and right and wrong!
So subhan'Allah it's increadible that maybe I can get a job (though a friend) at a government sponsored charity project for New Muslims, and those in Need. OHHH what a dream job and getting paid for it too! MAKE DU'A MY HUSBAND AND I GET THESE JOBS!!!!!
But this is why I'm so torn. Haven't i writen post after post about art and the need for a store here in Al-AIn and then in a blink I abandon my pet project for this strong calling I have to help others in need. Not only abandoning my arts and craft store but my writting as well! I've even put off meeting with an influencial investor for my store just to await word that I could get this job. Not only do my hubby and I need this finacial assistance but it is in a field we are both dedicated 100% to. Helping others in Islam and giving Da'wa.
But say I get this job then what about art store and writting and WHAT ABOUT MY KIDS!!! I've never been a working mother and I'm loath to do it because I love being home for my kids and taking care of them totally. Of course the ease of breasfeeding not done publicly and where will I put my babay while working?!?! I CANNOT PUT HIM IN DAYCARE HE"S A BABY!!!! I really really dislike putting kids in daycare without there being a strong need.
Oh man the ironies of life. My life has been stay at home wife/mom for past 4 years and suddenly in the begining of one year all these oppourtunities happen! It's amazing, subhan'Allah. I was just thinking what will bloggers think about this new job oppourtunity? WIll they think I'm fickle? Hmm let me make a poll lol...... But after reading about some women's plight I would love to help people make a difference that matters. So do I have a new goal? You betcha! Goal: Help people in need....
The talent to make art and to use what Allah has given us to beautify the world is in no way limited by a field of study. I believe all studies of interest not just "hobbies" do have art in them and an appreciation of aesthetic values.
We like a clean home because the orderliness of a perfectly arranged house is calming to the inner artist. (all people not just "artists") The perfectly matched decor, lighting, furniture, accents all inspire us to the higher self.
Suzie said in a comment that what do people do who don't have a hobby and I really tried to think about a job or a task that doesn't have the quality of art in it. Even Language is an art unto itself though we normally don't see it this way as some of us curse the moron who cut us off in traffic.... Every job has it's orders to improve and promote the product/company. Even the task of stamping "accepted/denied" on claims has art. Where to stamp to have the greatest effect on the page. Plus the act of stamping is an art.... I always wish i had my father's job so I could use his "official" stamps.
Even taking care of our children we incorporate art... dressing children=fashion design; hair brushing= coiffure; food preparation=culinary art etc....
So even in the smallest task there has the chance for artistry to be expressed. Though sometimes we don't feel like we are expressing. It's all about changing your point of view though. If you think I have 15 minutes to whip up something everyone's gonna eat you're not realizing the potential of your time. In 15 minutes you can arrange a beautiful plate of multi-colored food (which is healthier anyways) that will have your family sighing or you can mush it all together and slap it on a plate. My younger sister-in-law taught me in Lebanon how to make a radish into a rose and from then on I really looked at food differently. The possibilities are amazing.
So perhaps we should all take the chance and stop rushing through everyday tasks and try to realize we are making art. You're not vacuuming, you are re-arranging carpet fibers. You are not driving the 9-5, you are moving harmoniously in the flow of life, meshing with the ebb and flow of Allah's Will. and His Artistry.
Surah27,ayah88 "Thou seest the mountains and thinkest them firmly fixed:(3318*) but they shall pass away as the clouds pass away: (Such is) the artistry of Allah, who disposes of all things (3319*) in perfect order: for He is well acquainted with all that ye do."
*Footnote3319: Atqana: to arrange or dispose of things with art, or so as to obtain the most perfect results. The present phenomenal world and the Future that is to be, all have a different object and purpose in the Plan of Allah, Who knows perfectly what we are, what we do, what we think, and what we need. Who can praise His Artistry enough?
Surah35,ayah27-28 "27: Seest thou not that Allah sends down rain from the sky? With it we then bring out produce of various colors. (3910*) And in the mountains are tracts white and red, (3911*) of various shades of color, and black intense in hue. 28: And so amongst men and crawling creatures and cattle, are they of various colors. (3912*) Those truly fear Allah, among His Servants, who have knowledge: (3913*) for Allah is Exalted in Might, Oft-Forgiving."
*Footnote3910: Everyone can see how Allah's artistry produces from rain the wonderful variety of crops and fruits--golden, green, red, yellow, and showing all the most beautiful tints we can think of. And each undergoes in nature the gradual shading off in its transformation from the raw stage to the stage of maturity.
*Footnote3913: In outer nature we can, though colors, understand and appreciate the finest shades and gradations. But in the spiritual world that variation or gradation is even more subtle and more comprehensive. Who can truly understand it? Only Allah's servants, who know, i.e., who have the inner knowledge which comes through their acquaintance with the spiritual world --it is such people who truly appreciate the inner world, and it is they who know that the fear of Allah is the beginning of wisdom. For such fear is akin to appreciation and love --appreciation of all that marvellous beauties of Allah's outer and inner world ("Allah is Exalted in Might") and love because of his Grace and Kindness ("Oft-Forgiving"). But Allah's forgiveness extends to many who do not truly understand Him.
Those who have garden surely know the life cycle of plants and flowers and fruits. I eagerly go to my garden everyday to see if the tomatoes have gone from dark green, to pale green, yellowish, orange opaque, orange-red, and finally to that juicy tomato red that screams PICK ME! EAT ME! Such a long wait for a minute of satisfaction but it is worth it. It's a marvel to watch flowers slowly unfurl their colors not knowing the final result until they are in full bloom. Everyone knows the beauty of the rain and how it turns shades of green darker and tree bark deeper. Allah gives us beauty in everything He made. At the end footnote we learn the meaning under all of these messages is the spiritual message. That only Allah knows our shades of spirituality and can Judge us with His Mercy. If we seek the knowledge through fear and love of Allah then insha'Allah our eyes will be bestowed upon with the greatest beauties of artistry: Allah's Artistry.