5:20 AM

Child Sexual Abuse (THE SACK MAN)

Wrote: American Muslima Writer |

wrote a very touching blog about Child Abuse and Sexual Child/People Abuse. A lot of people replied saying they were over cautious with thier kids because of their abuse in their past. I wanted to write more than a little comment about this because it's something that affects my life deeply.

Even before I could remember well (and I have early early memories from when i was 3 so we're talking before that) I was molested sexually and then many times after that when I was put with baby-sitters and then Arizona Governement(D.E.S.) foster homes bad things happened to me. One aweful foster family (I wonder if I'm legally allowed to name names?) the father raped my sister and had his son rape her too. She was only 5. People should be wary of where their children are at all times and who they are with. I can't stress this enough. I see these parents at parks and at the malls here in UAE and in Lebanon just letting very small kids run around without supervision. I think they are careless and stupid. It would be so easy for any man/person to snatch a pretty little kid and take it down stairs to the car parking and haul it inside (pretending the screaming kid is it's own naughty kid) it's (illegally) dark-tinted windowed car and have their way with the kid or kidnap the kid and take it to the desert or elsewhere. So I see these little kids running around parentsless and all this goes through my mind and I shudder.

I am extremely over protective when it comes to letting my daughter go anywhere. I know the dangers out there and I'm not letting MY daughter go through the crap I had to. Nor my SON. Sometimes I have really bad dreams about this and I hate those dreams but it reminds me to be ever vigalent. Once I finally let her take this van-bus to pre-school (making a big fuss that she always has to wear seat-belts) and the driver seemed nice enough but he looked like an indian form of the man who raped my sister (with thick gold chain necklaces and thick moustache overhanding almost his whole mouth) so I began to have horrid dreams and soon after made my husband start taking her to school. Still she wasn't happy in that school so I took her out of it completly. There are a lot of people who can just walk up into any school or place nearby and snatch her or whatever. I don't trust anyone. Especially in USA/Europe and especially in Middle East. USA/Europe because just more sickos out there from corrupted societies and Middle East because my kids are blond haired, blue-eyed, very white and masha'Allah adorable so these traits being highly valued in Arab countries makes me doubly edgy that even someone not in the sicko mind-frame might BECOME that.

SO not only am I protective but I am teaching my daughter and later when he's old enough to understand, my son, about strangers and that it's bad for anyone to touch them. When my daughter was just 2 and was starting to run off in the malls and my husband told me the tale of "Abu Keess" (Father of the Sack) where in Lebanon they frighten their kids by telling them the "Sack Man" will get them in their sack if they run away and he will never let them see their families again. I thought this cruel to teach a small kid until my husband pointed out to me that modern day Sack Men do exist (minus the sack) and will do worse than just "take away" a kid. So I started saying to my daughter that she has to stay with me in the malls or outside or the bad man Abu Keess might take her and I'd miss her so much and I'd be so sad to losoe her so it worked and if she starts running off a bit too far I just say two words and she stops to let me catch up (not in a fearful way just in a obediant way) ABU KEESS.

Then when she was starting school and I for one know those naughty kids (innocently and not innocently) who like to show them selves or play with themselves and others. So I taught her that no one touches her PeePee (name for her private parts) except a lady teacher who is cleaning her (islamically with water and tissues) after she goes Potty. To make this very clear I told her "If anyone tries to touch your peepee you shout and tell a teacher and then tell mommy and daddy so we can call the police and take them to jail." She was very impressed I'd put someone in jail for this. Everyday when washing her when she goes potty at home i ask if anyone touched her and would remind her of them going to jail because they are bad not her. So I made sure she is aware there are bad people out there and what she can do to protect herself. As she gets older I'll teach her (and my son) more things like alling police or how to run away etc.. but for now this keeps them safe so far. Oh and she's no longer in pre-schools but that's a whole other blog post.
I'm over my past and it held me back alot in life but since I became Muslim I understand the balance of justice better and know they will get theirs sooner or later and nothing that happened to me was my fault. Many of my siblings fear having children because we're afraid to hurt our kids inadvertaintly becuase of something that had happened to us in the past but after I became Muslim I got over that too and I protect and nuture my kids in the right way so they can grow into heathy individuals and have their own healthy families some day. insha'Allah.
We have to educate people that there are people like this out in the world and we have to be on our guard though not let it consume our lives but just to be wary. Some people believe the kids don't remeber it but let me tell you I remember and it took me a long time to tell even my best childhood friend until after 8 years had passed. I never shared these things with my parents or even my therapists. The only adult athority i told was a police woman who was investigating the case against the foster family that raped my sister. So far no action has been taken against them but I wish more could be done because who knows when that man might try it again. Again to his own daughter or her children etc... sick twisted ^%&@!#&^ . If someone lets me know if this is legal to say his name all over the net you bet I will update this post and really say what a Prick this guy is. Anyways be on your guard and protect your kids and don't let them out of your sight.

4 intelligent thoughts:

MyHijab said...

I am saddened to hear your story. I have issues with day care centres and pre-schools. I only put my daughter in one bcz I had no other choice, but this time she only lasted 5 weeks (2 days a week) bcz I was just not comfortable with the atmosphere. I know when my daughter is not happy somewhere and I know when I don't feel right about someone or some place.

I would rather be labeled over-protective then have something happen to my little girl. Having studied law I came across so many cases that are not in the media about certain day care centres and sexual abuse and molestation of children.

I made sure the one my daughter went to had no male carers (I got weird looks when I asked about this but I didn't care!) but I was still unable to relax.

I have never been sexually abused but I know many girls who have been and it is something they deal with their whole lives.

Thank you for sharing a very personal issue.

Stranger in this Dunya said...

Assalaamu alaikum,

I felt really saddened to read your story but thank you somuch for highlighting this issue and put forward some very important points. :)

Umm Ibrahim x

Yasmine said...

Oh my AMW... I felt my heart sanked into my stomache and my head got woozy... when I read the part of when you were 3 and your sister getting raped... Astagfurallah..!!! i seriously felt like crying. I am so lucky that I have a great family and have never been seperated from them. May Allah (swt) punish their souls for what they have done...I really mean that.

American Muslima Writer said...

My Hijab I'm so happy you're looking out for your daughter's best interests. and following your instincts when they say something may not be right. It must have been hard for you to deal with those cases. I would have been out of my mind with furry at the poeple responsable for hurting those poele.

Umm Ibrahim: I'm glad if by telling my story it helps others understand wheat A LOT of people go through in this world.

Yasmine: SOmetimes we don't know how many blessings our parents do for us until we hear of tragedy and realize we've been protected from that. So kiss your parents and tell them why you're showing them thanks so theyll be happy that they did the right thing in protecting you. Insha'Allah it never happens to you or your family (or anyone for that matter)

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