American Muslima Writer -Daring to Work Towards Jannah

Family first has always been my motto.
If you are having children then you should be ensuring they get the best care possible.  The care that matters because it comes from YOU. Leaving children for a Nanny or Governess or DayCare to deal with while you go wax your legs or shop til you drop (for non-essential things) seems like cruelty to me. I'm not talking the parents that do this once in a while to relax a bit but the ones that chronically do this.
Another alternative to this is parents who work when they don't really have to. They spend gobs of time away from their children and family and in the end is the money they are bringing home going to fill the void the child might be feeling? Of course I'm not talking about parents who need to work to put the Halal-Turkey-Bacon on the table, but those who work because that is what they are programed to do by society no matter the end result it has on family.
There are Sooooo many factors though to this all and it's hard to make open faced judgements like these because everyone's situation is so unique. I see too many families split across the globe. Philipina mothers slaving away as maids or sales clerks with their 2-5 kids back at home with grandma. They need to work, they have mouths to feed. Yet some of them work for sheer ambition... it's hard to draw the line.
I see wealthy Arab mothers flitting from one store to the next in a large group of women, maids and babies training behind them. I have seen children literally left in carts with AND WITHOUT nannies in the middle of the Mall while the mother pops into a store for a good ten minutes.  The child without the Nanny kept staring around her looking so lost and forlorn, sitting dolefully in the shopping cart stuffed with bags as if she were no more than an inanimate object herself. I stared in horror thinking sure NOW the mother would turn around and go back to her child...okay and NOW she would?...and Now?...I guess that shoe sale was just so irresistible to wipe the memory of your child from your mind!  Finally after ten minutes or so she stuck her head out of the shop and waved the maid who had followed her into the shop to bring the shopping cart so she could place the new bags into it.  They walked onto the next shop. I stopped watching lest I vomit or commit murder.
What and where is the Balance to this?
The lines are so blurry it's hard to find which is right or wrong.
How much time Should you be devoting to your family/children?
How much time Should you allot for necessary work?
How much time Should you allot for personal improvement/relax time?

As a non-working mother I was finding it hard to separate my personal time from my family time. If I spent too much time on one thing I became cranky that I was over burdened and never saw the light of day. The whip was cracking 24/7 and there was never enough time to finish everything.
My creativity was dying and manifesting itself into other ways...like mass organizing...re-decorating.... etc...
For a long time I put off writing my novels all together, sure and 100% certain family was more important and my novels could wait.  Yes they did wait. But I found myself writing inane stuff like in depth shopping lists for food. Finally I began this blog, I had to release my stress and somehow get my words back out. I had used LiveJournal and MySpace to vent and keep up with friends but it puttered out and I wanted MORE.
As I posted and posted I began to realize my time was importantt and I needed to allot myself time for my creativity and making more friends.  So I did, and my family life suffered a bit more. Things got less clean, meals got less tasty, children got less quality time.  And the guilt would start again.
I'm being selfish using time I could have spent with my kids.
Then on top of this began my working career, with publishing projects that took up huge chunks of time, and then getting my job. Now everything seems to be hanging precariously by strings.  No one item seems to be getting enough of the time it deserves.... especially my kids.  And it cuts me to the bone.
I love my family and it will always be number one. That is how Allah created me and that is what I've learned from living a difficult life. Every time I see my kids playing by themselves I think why am I not with them? Memories always come to me of times when adults didn't have time to be with me, and that is all I wanted, more attention, more time.  I told myself I'd be different, I'd sacrifice EVERYTHING, to make sure they got that extra attention.  And for years I did. I refused to work unless it was absolutely necessary. I put aside my dreams and aspirations (or at least toiled on them when the kids slept). We lived mostly in scraping-by-poverty. But it was worth it, watching the bond grow between me and my kids.
It stopped being worth it when I was self destructing mentally, emotionally, maritally, and physically.
It stopped being worth it when my kids wanted more to eat and there was nothing else.
I don't regret those years, but now as things are changing there had to be a new balance.
I know I need free relax time
I know I need creative time
that keeps me sane.
I know I need time with my husband separate from the kids
that keeps us stronger.
I know I need time with my kids
that makes them stronger.
I know I need time for work/society
that makes us able to live.
I know I need time for family and friends
that makes us connected.
Above All else, I need time for Allah.

But it needs to be Balanced.
Crazy rushing from one areas to the next or bypassing some areas completely leads to burnout.


The amount of work I'm doing sometimes feels worth it when I'm helping people out in the world.  Other times when I get home to find my kids asleep and only get a few hours with them in the morning it feels like utter HELL. But then when they are sleeping peacefully in their beds and I have some alone time or creative time it's refreshing. When I get that paycheck it feels good to have helped out my family and be able to take the kids out for a special treat.  But I worry and feel guilty that the special treat is a bribe for taking away their quality time with me. I love the extra time I get on the metro to write my novels or read books, but it's transport time away from my family. I adore teaching my kids and have placed the responsibility of their education on my shoulders, yet if the day gets scrambled and there is no time for that, the guilt falls to me.

It's all a giant balancing act.  Everyday there seems to not be enough time. Everyday something new happens to tip the time scales. Routines get disrupted or slightly unbalanced and the whole system must begin again.
I've wrote two long posts this week and sacrificed my Nano Novel.
I've spent yesterday recuperating my mind and heart and contributing to society and sacrificed my Nano Novel and my family.
Today I spent really quality time with my family but sacrificed my work.
Now I will sacrifice my sleep (and thus tip the scales awry for the next 12 hours) to catch up my Nano Novel.
Without my Nano Novel I'd be fluttering aimlessly creativly which would make me go mental.



It may seem madness, but this is my Balance Beam.  I'm glad I was in gymnastics so I wont fall off, but I was never in the circus to learn juggling.

My daughter popped up to me just now holding her pink sparkly jewel/bead crown and with a official tone proudly announced,

"You are now Queen of Quoz Industrial!"

She placed the crown upon my head and beamed at me, wearing her own crown of sparkle gold.

"Queen of Quoz Industrial?" I asked.

"Yes, and I'm the Princess of Quoz Industrial." She beamed again then wandered off to rule her domain.

Now I'm left here with this title.  Well I'm not one to scoff at being promoted to Queen, Buuuuuuttt....... I was hoping for something a little more substantial like London, Venice, Versailles, or heck, even Jumairah.  Even just Quoz sounds better. As the Quoz area has Villas and a beautiful park and a bowling center.

However I've been deemed worthy of ruling over the down-trodden industrial section, filled with factories, and masses of accommodation apartments, and more trucks and large vehicles than you can shake a stick at.
But I'm not one to turn my nose at those unfortunates so I shall accept my appointment and shall rule my Queendom with all the geniality and care I possess.
May my reign be long and true .....(and a quick promotion.....)

~Written this twenty-fourth day of the tenth month October in the year two-thousand-ten.
   Brandy AZ Chase, Queen of Quoz Industrial

AHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

Scream of Fear or Happiness, could be both.

I realized National Novel Writing Month 2010 will begin in a few weeks!!!!

Worse, I don't even have a character!
Worse yet, I'm not even sure I can even manage to do it this year.  I just moved, I'm working, I have kids, and a husband, and a house, AND I HOMESCHOOL!!!! (Not to mention a slew of other stuff to do)

But failing to do it and leaving that Nano Winner Sign on my blog sidebar all alone for another year would make me disappointed in myself ALL YEAR LONG TIL NOV 2011!!!

But how can I possibly pull long all nighters and drink mounds of coffee, while praying by the end of 50,000 words I have the semblance of a book, and still haven't trashed my responsibilities so much that I've lost my job and family.....?


BUT HOW CAN I RESIST SUCH A CHALLENGE? I love CHALLENGES!!!!
MUAHAHAH.....

Up and down the aisles she wanders stalking her pray.
They hide in fear and scamper around corners trying to remain unnoticed.
They are no match for her though.
She angles right then twists effortlessly around the display to time their next turn until they are face to face.
Their eyes are wary and uncertain.
She can read their thoughts.
They wonder how much of their time she will take and how much of their life she will disturb.
"Hi there!" She begins brightly, reeling them in like a caught fish.
"Hi." They reply still a bit wary then realization dawns that they've been hooked.
"Can I help you find anything?" She asks letting them bask in her warm friendliness, showing them being caught by the hook doesn't have to be painful.
"Uh, no, I'm just browsing around." They answer, uncomfortable still and flop around on the hook.
"Well let me know if you need help with anything." She assures them gently releasing the hook and setting them gently in the new pond.
With sudden clarity at her friendliness, they realize she can indeed help them with finding what they desire.
"Actually, can you help me find this?" They reply and name their desire.
Hiding her shark smile of satisfaction, she nods pleasantly and leads them to their doom down into the back. They follow vacantly but eager. She shows them the correct item they want and their eyes light up with joy.
She drinks in deeply the mood. Savouring the rushing high and glow it gives her.
She needs more.
With a nod and friendly smile she backs off slowly seeing they have been maxed out.
She turns abruptly and begins the hunt again, wandering the aisles, searching for the next pray.
They go up the left side trying to avoid her behind the taller displays.
She again hides her shark smile as the chase is on.
Rounding from the right again she manages to trap them and face off with them.
Another beaming smile appears,
"Hello! Welcome to Magrudy's Bookstore! Can I help you find anything?"


____________________________________________________________

  I am the Customer Service Executive at Magrudy's Bookstore in Bawadi Mall. Located in Al-Ain, UAE.
Although I don't actually "hunt" my customers, it is a thrilling feeling to find exactly what they are looking for.


We offer a wide range of items from various categories of Books to Toys, Games, Stationary, and Gifts!
It's been a fabulous place to work in with very friendly fun staff and getting to be with two of my favorite objects everyday: notebooks and BOOKS. I'm actually paid to read back covers! (To widen my knowledge and experience...)
Not only I've used my book skills but as an Artist I've been able to redo the front displays.  I've recently finished my Summer Display. Come check it out!! For those afar I will be posting pictures later.
I get to be creative and spontaneous, organized, efficient,and above all very friendly. Definitely everything I've ever wanted in a job. (Not to mentioned highly valued, wink wink...)

One thing I was surprised to find was an excellent section of Islamic books in English! We have various categories such as:
Prophet Muhammad's Life
Companions of the Prophet
Fiqh and Jurisprudence
Questions and Answers of Islam
General Knowledge
Qur'an
Hadiths
Tafsir
Women's Issues (lots of good books there)
Inspirational and Life
and of course books on the 5 pillars of Islam
But recently we've added Children's Educational Resources!

I'm working with the Administration to start getting Islamic Fiction involved too so look forward to that!

Otherwise we have the backbone subjects of Bookstores:
Fiction
Thrillers & Mysteries
Fantasy & Sci-Fi
History
Biography
Learning Resources for Adults and Children
Children's Books separated by ages: Baby to 4, 5-7, 8-12, Young Adult, and Sci-Fi.
Mind Body Spirit
Mother and Baby & Parenting
Photography
Destinations World Wide
Middle East
Architecture
Music Movies & Fashion
but most amazing is we have these same subjects in Arabic too!

So there is something for everyone here in the UAE!

Please feel free to come in and experience the BEST Bookstore.  :)
I promise not to bite you......
                                                 ..... much.

April my favorite month of the year.  Such a beautiful month filled with images of Flowers and fresh Spring Air. To start off the month is the best day ever, the day I was born.

For me, it is a day of renewal and refreshment.  I take stock of my life and decide where I need to go next.
This year I'm 26. I crossed the quarter decade line and have lived to see the other side, Alhamdulillah.


So for this special day I'd like to dedicate it to my Father, who still calls me "My little April Fool".


Daddy did you know?

Daddy did you know this day would change the way you looked at the world?

How many workout videos do you own? Seriously think about it. How many of them do you watch and use? Manic instructors grinning hardly breaking a sweat as perfect people jump to the beat in a rhythm you just can't seem to follow. Something about Eye-TV-Workout coordination doesn't agree with you?


TRY IT HERE:
FREE BOOT CAMP

By the way since it seems overwhelming to follow(ONLINE) I actually went and printed myself out a calendar for each week's exercises and then a daily list so I wouldn't have to stare at the screen. I gave myself this whole week to prepare to start this. And alhamdulillah it helped to have the extra time.


So "Hooah!" Onto Being Healthy!

This past weekend I actaully spent the whole day feeling like I was being partially brainwashed except I liked it.

The opening and commemoration of the World's Tallest Tower happened on January 4th.  The event took place on the same day as the aniversary of His Highness Sheikh Mohammad bin Rashid Al Maktoum taking assenssion to the Throne as Dubai's ruler 4 years ago.

To celebrate this mighty occassion they spent the entire day from sun up til probably about midnight on all local Dubai TV channels covering different aspects of the day and how the Burj Dubai was built. Inbetween talking about the Burj there was extensive coverage of the Sheikh himself. How he helps humanity and how humble he is to even sit on the bare dirt while speaking to an Elderly Emirati man who is also just sitting on dirt.  He built the man a brand new house and a whole community of houses in four months.  Masha'Allah.  He enjoys supporting the sports and camel and horse racing events.  BUT my particular favoritism for this man has to do with his involvement in the Literary world.  He largely supports Poetry and Literature.  His foundation has made the goal to translate 1,000 novels into Arabic language in the next three years, more than one novel translated in a day.  That is pretty awesome!  He is a poet himself and always attends literature events.  Now I'm not all googly eyed or anything like that as I'm well aware all people have flaws especially Rulers.  But as far as rulers go he's a lot better than MANY.
One of the weird things though was in the middle of Opening the tower Sheikh Mohammad RENAMED the Tower!!!  I was stunned.  There went years of advertising revenue aimed at imprinting the NAME of BURJ DUBAI into people's minds.  it is NOW BURJ KHALIFA.  Named after the Ruler of UAE, based in Abu DHabi.  So me and Hubby speculated why the name change and the best we could figure is because ABuDHabi just bailed out Dubai finacially and thus they are grateful?  AS I said it is speculation, don't sue me. I'm sure the real reason is out there if I wanted to take the time and google it... erm which i don't.....
But it's another excuse for me to go to Dubai and see something new.  I'm definitly going to go to the top someday and see the world.

Although the whole time I'll be fearing Allah's Wrath on the city where Sin and CORRUPTION is RISING!!!  Although NewYork is still standing.....and L.A. ...... and London.....  perhaps the Burj "formerly Dubai" Khalifa will be spared?

So this is what's been on my mind for the past month, erm you people did miss me right? I could tell by the lack of comments how much i was missed ;)
But it didn't hurt really to be forgotten in blogworld because I hadn't really been on blogger to do more than check comments (lotta spam whats up with that!!!) and see if my best buds had posted anything.
But I have been on the Computer almost 24/7 the last few months.  Imediatly after NaNoWriMo in November ended (whew!) I completly ignored my story and turned to business.
I have been seraching for the perfect business project for ages now.  It's always been a toss up between Interior Designing, Landscape Designing, or actaully I can't remeber half the ideas that used to float in my head anymore. But everytime I made istikhara for it things would seem to go in the rigth direction but just "put on hold for now" and evertime this happened something else would enter my mind as soemthing better to do. Well after Nano I was really cracking down on figuring out if I wanted to do Interior Designing Firm.  But meanwhile in the Islamic Writers Alliance (IWA) message boards I was absolutly happiest when dealing with IWA matters and talking with people in this industry.  My heart longed to do soemthing meaningful with Books and Literacy.
After sending a hesitant question in my discussions with an American Muslim Publisher and hearing her enthusiastic response it was solidified in my heart.

Meantime though I still gotta keep up the house, kjeep off the weight, Homeschool, help friends, etc.... so that is why the month is now almost over and I haven't had time for blogging and haven't even finished my Business Plan.  But yesterday I got a lot of free time in so I worked hard and got a lot of good statistical figures about the industry and demographics of UAE.

I really feel the hardest part is the Business Plan. Getting it right and making it work and doing all the research.  Finding an investor i believe will happen with the Grace of Allah. He will either send me one or not. End of Story.

I may have a logo contest in the future so stay tuned.

"Muahahahaha!" She thunders waving her cat'o'nine tails high and raking them down the hapless victim's back in glee and furious might.

I whipped NaNoWriMo good!
I managed the incredible feat of beating out 50,000 words of literary pearls from the clutches of my mind in less than a month.


Hmm now for taking this pile of words and arranging them in PLEASANT to READ literary pearls...

that be 'nother task for 'nother month's undertakin'.....

Masha'Allah, Masha'Allah, Masha'Allah
FINALLY after waiting years and eyeing my friend's follower lists muahahaha not with evil eyes just with "WOW Cool look at your numbers!"
I have passed 100 Followers mark. That means I need to get my butt in gear and get back to writing those quirky posts y'all love. ;)

I'm looking at that sidebar to the right and seeing the number of posts I've made each month... lol can you see in March that was my biggest posting. Then with the IWA STORY and POETRY contest in April I started slacking off, then in May when I was sooo busy trying to make more poetry and stories I was totally MIA!!!
Finally finisheing those projects and working on the art now I've been starting to re-coup my posting numbers lol.
Still haven't had time to get around to all these new bloggers and keep adding poeple to ALL MUSLIMAH, but still it's getting there!
I'm on the 3rd artwork out of six right now, I finished all the rough drafts of them now I have to go back and clean them up lots. BUt they are turning out just awesome really. I'm sooo happy. I KNOW you all are just drooling now to buy the books when they come out eh? BUt all that juicy info will have to wait for later.....LOL really I'm just excited as you are but Sabr, Patience my friends.
Well I'm off today to a going away party for a friend of mine who's leaving UAE for good :( Gotta get my kids and house ready and all that good stuff so just wanted to pop in for an update. You know now that I have so many of you out there who are Striving Hard just like me.

So Yay for me hitting the 100 mark and Yay for you for inspiring me to keep going on and on with blogging :D