American Muslima Writer -Daring to Work Towards Jannah

Sometimes I feel like a sock that has been knitted over and over patching each patch with a new color. Sigh I'm re-torn about life and blogging.

I've been maddly commenting on blogs far and wide getting a feel for what I love and am passionate about. Yes still Islam #1! That's not gonna change!
But thanks to Angry Muslimah (see link on side bar) I've re-awakened another side of mine... the compassionate one. I love about Islam it's compassion to those in need. Never before have I seen people who will take in complete strangers just because they are in need.
I read posts where someone "finds" a baby and milks it and raises it as their own. I think where's my baby? I have milk! Why can't I be the one to find a baby?!?!?! I'd love to raise an orphan as my own milk child! I want to help!
I read post where women have bad domestic problems and need a place to recouperate and someone to encourage them to get the help they need. ANd to put it bluntly spell out for them their Right in Islam. I want to talk to these women and encourage them! I want to shelter them and their children! I want to make a difference in someone's life for the better in their need of crisis!
I read posts about ignorance of Islamic laws and those men and women who don't follow the laws and cause harm to others. I want to educate them! I know lots about Islam! I want to teach them what is good and bad and right and wrong!

I

WANT

TO

HELP

!

So subhan'Allah it's increadible that maybe I can get a job (though a friend) at a government sponsored charity project for New Muslims, and those in Need. OHHH what a dream job and getting paid for it too! MAKE DU'A MY HUSBAND AND I GET THESE JOBS!!!!!
But this is why I'm so torn. Haven't i writen post after post about art and the need for a store here in Al-AIn and then in a blink I abandon my pet project for this strong calling I have to help others in need. Not only abandoning my arts and craft store but my writting as well! I've even put off meeting with an influencial investor for my store just to await word that I could get this job. Not only do my hubby and I need this finacial assistance but it is in a field we are both dedicated 100% to. Helping others in Islam and giving Da'wa.
But say I get this job then what about art store and writting and WHAT ABOUT MY KIDS!!! I've never been a working mother and I'm loath to do it because I love being home for my kids and taking care of them totally. Of course the ease of breasfeeding not done publicly and where will I put my babay while working?!?! I CANNOT PUT HIM IN DAYCARE HE"S A BABY!!!! I really really dislike putting kids in daycare without there being a strong need.
Oh man the ironies of life. My life has been stay at home wife/mom for past 4 years and suddenly in the begining of one year all these oppourtunities happen! It's amazing, subhan'Allah. I was just thinking what will bloggers think about this new job oppourtunity? WIll they think I'm fickle? Hmm let me make a poll lol...... But after reading about some women's plight I would love to help people make a difference that matters. So do I have a new goal? You betcha! Goal: Help people in need....

For some people a life without use of creativity is like death. For some it's just another day. As I've seen in other blogs, and was forced to add my two cents, this is a widespread idea, that today, especially in the Arab countries, more and more men and women are being led away from creativity and more towards technical applications of their brilliance.
More people are told by their families that a life goal of being a painter, writer, dancer, movie maker, crafter, specialty designer is a waste of time and money spent on education. They want their children to do something that will bring them financial stability and home "honor" like being a doctor or scientist or computer technition etcetera. Now there is nothing wrong with these professions in the least, all are noble undertakings and if that is what suits your personality then go for it. But for many they do it just to please their families and go through most of their life feeling hollow and empty inside. Why? Because maybe in their pursuit of a stable career they have no time for their real passion which is the Arts (all arts). Which is using their creative talent to better the world and themselves.
Here in the Middle East especailly it's practically shameful for a man to want to be a dancer or a woman to be a film director or other such gender-related roles. Of course there are those that are brave and do what they like but many are pushed away from these goals. My Phillipino neighbor is an example of this. Now he may be good at his technical job and may even ENJOY it. But what is his REAL passion? Gardening. Expresing his creative talents through planting and nuturing Allah's creations. He's very good at it and you can see he really enjoys it.
When I moved into this small neighborhood the plants were dead from lack of water. The residents who lived in the main house apartments instead of the new ones bordering the "garden" didn't take care of the plants. They didn't have time or energy to expend. My husband and I were enthusiastic and had a dream of taking care of a beautiful garden that our kids could play in. In Lebanon especially Beirut, people don't have backyards to make gardens they just have potted plants on their balconies, so nature is a wanted commodity. After moving our stuff in we got a worker (paid of course) to clear the dead plants for our half of the garden. We had no neighbors yet on any of the other garden properties so the other dead areas still looked ragged and pathetic. We started planting and toiling in the sun. The first few days worms popped to the surface with all the water and earth mixing. The birds flocked in for the feast. And within a week things began to turn green again. Then soon our garden became a nice place to look at instead of an eyesore. But the rest of the neighborhood looked even shabbier in our splendor. Then my neighbor moved in and took his time getting his hosue in order and we feared at first he was the lazy sort that wouldn't fix his garden too and we'd be stuck sharing a weed lot. Then one day we come outside to see a bonfire of all the dead plants being burned. It was great. He cleared the lot and started his planting and it began to take shape. Day and even in the middle of the night my neighbor toiled and soon his garden put mine to shame. He had friends with beautiful plants that I couldn't afford to get. Soon more neighbors moved in and new bonfires were made because of this man's effort to beautify the neighborhood. Now about 6 or 7 gardens later everything is green with food or flower plants and people actaully spend time outside and let their kids run around outside. My garden is my comfort for being indoors too much. It's beauty is in thanks to my neighbor and our combined vision and creativity. If he had suppressed his talent only going to work and home to sleep we wouldn't have a thriving place to relax. We owe him a lot.
Other people too have such wonderful taents that need to be shared and expressed and if we urge them to just work for money we are loosing a vital part of our humanity. We are not cattle to be herded and worked. We are people allowed to dream and make increadible things. Our ancestors would have never imagined this world full of fast cars, internet, space rockets, and movies that seem so real. But a few DID dream it, did Imagine it and they changed the world. If we view creativity as only a dream instead of the hope for tomorrow then we are throwing away our futures. Allah gave us the ability to express our souls and to supress that is to deny our rights.
I visited someone recently and told them about my project for a craft store and I thought she would be suportive because she is in charge of a "western" pre-school which encourages creativity. She laughed and said it is a bad idea because here in Al-Ain the Emeratian women are "ONly caring about shopping, eating, buying toys for their babies, and visiting each other." I asked what about their children don't they value creative education and she said NO. They just think to let the children know their ABC/alif,ba,ta and numbers and that is good enough. "Most of the women will not try to get jobs here, why would they? They have money. ONly if they want to be a doctor or something that will get them more money will they work." I was angry at her(momentarily) for refusing to encourage her friends more to change thinking. But I know sometimes it is futile.
In Lebanon most men and women dont have time for arts and crafts and even reading books. If they can't make it in Lebanon's tough school system (tough in some private schools that teach 3 languages manditory and everything by memorization) they drop out at 15 and get married and within a few years start having children. Usually if their parents are highly educated the women may wait until they finish the schooling and then get married at 18. Then the burden of keeping your house perfect and then keeping your kids in line and helping them learn their memorizations becomes too much so they have no time to have hobbies. Most women relax by visiting their friends and having tea and maybe religious classes. The few who continue on to university usually become doctors and nurses and such. A very few become architects, painters, musicians, writers. When an economy is as bad as Lebanon's the arts are put last and day to day survival is put first.
When people ask me in Lebanon what I do in my spare time (when I first got there and didn't have kids and a house to manage) I would tell them I read, or draw, or write stories and I swear by ALLAH they would laugh. "Time to do these things IN Lebanon? AHAHAHAHAHA!!!!" or "Masha'Allah you have so much time to WASTE. I wish I had so much time." Soon I stopped telling people. Then soon I began to have no time slowly and slowly I was immersed into their patterns of spending the day cooking and cleaning and then just relaxing with a cup of tea and good conversations. I'm not saying the life is bad or boring it is just lacking art. And for me that is like death. Slowly I began to have exagerated nervous tendencies. I was over stressed, biting my nails like crazy instead of idly like my whole life, my face would break out constantly from stress then I'd scratch it because I dislike anything on my face. People would ask me what happend to your face and i just say stress. They nod knowingly. But then I started demanding myself to make time to sing and dance and WRITE. I felt better and more alive and though yes my cleaning and cooking skills slipped but I was happier. My face cleared up and I laughed more. But sadly in this society if you can't keep up your house, problems soon surface. People will visit you unexpectedly and you have to rush around cleaning in minutes and preparing food on the drop of a dime. That was too much stress and I broke out again on my face. Soon I had to learn to schedule myself only an hour or two of creative time. The rest of the day was spent working the house.
So when I got to UAE I assumed since the poeple had more money and had maids to deal with the majority of cooking and cleaning I'd find more creativity here. I guess that's not the case. Sure there is MORE creativity here compared to Lebanon. But still not compared to the amount of people who do hobbies in USA. Architectually this is a beautiful country. Straight lines mixed with curves in a plesent manner everywhere even the malls are glamorous. But that is the work of a few not the whole society. We need to Dare to dream that our creativity can change things for the better in our society and let our kids do more to satisfy their hearts.
I'm glad recently there has been a movemnt to change. Now when I go places I see some differences, "Kids for arts" campaigns (Al-Ain Mall), more arts and crafts in some westernized stores (ELC and BabyShop). I think with so much western influence and the excess of money and freetime peole are starting to notice the arts more and be compelled to them. At least that's what I'm hoping. SO I hope also that my arts and crafts store will support the artistic community and encourage others to take up something new. We can't let creativity be just a dream. We have to LIVE it.

Well so far no sponsor/investor. I'm a little downhearted but I'm sure soon things will turn around. I have a gut instinct and it tells me to keep waiting and soon someone will come to the rescue. Things do fall neatly into place though. I went and saw a location again and this time talked with the manager of the real estate. He gave me some pointers so I wrote a business letter to secure placement for the shop i want for a whole 10 days. My Hubby will take it to the manager tomorrow. I made him laugh by not knowing who the owner was (who is a Sheik of high importance in UAE). But in a good way laughing. He liked that i was clueless. I hope this works to our advantage. I'm just hoping everything falls in place IN TIME! I know it's ALlah's Will what happnes and doesn't so I'm not very worried just hopeful that Allah has WIlled for this to be the place for the shop.

I've talked more with my co-partner in this business and we clearly need to hash out more ideas because we had two completly different business ideas. This is a flaw of Arab business, very little "pre-planning". They talk on the phone: "I wanna make X Business and 50-50 profits."
Investor "OK lets meet." So they meet and what happens it all gets explained verbally with very little written. Later down the road a problem happens between the partners and no written agreement was made and someone gets screwed royally. I will be sure everything is written down to the littlest remark so everything is clear.
So I clarified what I want my business to be but it's kinda scary to demand what you want and put the other person's idea to the shreader. But I know for sure what I'm planning will be big and awesome and work to not only bring in the money but will provide a unique service to the town. That's what's important after all. No one will buy from you if you're not helping them.

On a new note I just recieved "The DaVinci Method" a book to help those of us with the gift of DaVinci/ADD/ADHD/Bi-polar/etc.. learn to control and use our gift to the best instead of repressing it with medicine. Everything rings so true for me. I'm the kind of person who sits around dreaming using only 10% of my ability until a crisis happens (usually made worse by my waiting) and I rev into 100% and demand everyone around me do the same. But it expl;ained to me that people i work around may be giving normally their 20% and rev it up to 30% max and then think i'm putting too much preasure on them for they work best as a cog in the wheel instead of the axle that turns things. It's so facinating. And fianlly a relief to stop thinking of myself as lazy, ADD, procrastinator and finally as a creative genious who has all the potential i give myself to have. So parents if your kids need ritalin or you need ritalin or adderal then read this book first and save yourself moeny in the long run not buying drugs. Google it: "The DaVinci Method" It's fabulous! I've read half the book so far and I can't put it down. It also lets you realize the different brain waves you use diffeernt situation and what you should use to get what you want out of your mind/body. Like I'm usually in Alpha/Theta phase most the day unless my HUbby comes home and is like why haven't you done this or that then I rev it up to 100% (in Beta, where Normal people always stay) and get things done fast then kick back to my alpha stages. He just sees a clean house and doesn't understand what I had to go thorugh to get things done. But we're working on harmonizing.

See the arival of my book to help me learn to focus better (which i thought was lost in the mail and never would come) came that ezact day and moment I was feeling bored and anxious in the house because i had no sponsor and was running out of things to do with planning the business. Now suddenly I have so many new ideas again. Alhamdulliah, Allah KNOWS when we need something and gives it to us.

All this spare time though has let me pent out my frustrations on my garden by shaping it up after staring at it everyday blankly. Nothing better to tune your thoughts back to sanity than to kick a shovel deep into the earth and rip up a mountain of black gold (dirt) and spread it where it needs to go. I have now a carfully bordered L-shape flower bed to put in transpalnts and new seeds. Masha'Alah nothing so comforting than to plant seeds and watch them grow. My neighbor helped me last night and I took the initiative while he wa at work to finish the rest of it because he doesn't liek to see me working i think. Everytime I shove that massive shovel into the ground happily he goes Pleas please let me do it for you. And because i know he LIKES to do it and I like people to do their passions I let him and fuss around with a small shovel just so i have something to do too. But today I did it! Muuahahahaha!!! Then i have to go to Carrefour to buy more seeds before he sees the empty bed and runs for his seed bag beats me to the planting hehehe. SO Maybe if my Hubby will give me more money tomorrow i'll go get seeds. I'm thinking blue for that side. The other side has purple and Multi-colors so I think we need more even colors for the small side of the L.
Thanks to all the recent comments I was so pleasently surprised to have so many after months of jsut one or two I actaully had 7 today. I was shocked. Happily. Thanks and I' m trying to comment on yours too but some websites I write a long comment then never see it posted and that's frustrating!
By the way I DID go to the Rugby Club Arts and Crafts Show. It was terrrific! It felt just like being with my mom at her shows but only smaller. Lots of Photographers too with their awesome pics. I really wish I had money to buy something but I had nada. I really wanted this children's book with beautiful hand colored pictures but my Hubby said we couldn't afford it. It's a beautiful book though. It encouraged me though that there was a high calling for arts and crafts in AL-Ain. (Aso the day it was held was the day after I thought of having an arts and craft store and low and behold a show was that same day? Coincedance or fate?) Allah's Will for sure.

It's in quotes because it was fun so not totally allowed to call it out-right research.
We first started out late for our Dubai trip because we overslept becuase little man was howling all night. We picked up Hubby's co-worker and hit the road. We got to Dubai easily but then Hubby started freaking out that we have to find Masjid quick so we can pray Jummah (Friday Prayer). SO I'm the map reader and have to direct us. But no masjids that aren't historical sites aren't listed on said map. I get us near where we need to be to meet my new friend. We get to pray on time. Well they do I sit in the car and wait because there are all men and I doubt women at this masjid but it's ok cause I can pray a little later.
So we drop Co-worker off at Mall nearby and get lost in residential areas until we find a highway again. Then call my new friend who I'm late by 2-3 hours to visit. FInally we meet and it's sooo wonderful! I learned so much about Emeratian culture and I realized there is SO MUCH MORE I gotta find out. Cultures amaze me and I just soak up all info. Yes i can use it in a book later but the most part is learning why people behave in certain ways. And I like the reasons behind it. I openly questioned and she openly answered even the things i didn't think she would hehehe. I learned one important tool: How to eat a plate of rice with no utensils, bare hand (right hand of course) only. It was fun and more important the sunnah is right. It is more filling when you touch your food and more satisfactory. Gnashing your teeth on a cold metal spoon isn't nearly as plesent as scooping with a few fingers and being able to leisurly eat. It takes time to scoop and gather and bring to mouth than to scoop on spoon and eat. Fabulous! I loved it. Important other thing i learned is don't trust most Expats (a certain one who write controversial things about emeratians which i wont link because she has enough hate on there to scare anyone from UAE) blogs about emeratians or locals because just like every people and every country there are good and bad and I just met a bunch of good and I'm hoping to meet more. She said with over 300 cousins most Emeratians don't have time to deal with expat friends ebcause they have to make visits and such to keep family ties strong, it's not a matter of being stuck-up liek some people think they are. Of course she said some ARE stuck up but they aren't as many as the normal people. So this goes to show you out there don't judge people until you know them well.
After I said a fond good-bye to them, i can't help it I'm a hugger and i doled out many hugs! Hubby kids and I went to pick up co-worker and then go find Wafi Mall. Ok we saw it and drove past it as we were lost a billion times and trying to avoid toll roads called Salik. FInally after watching it pass by the window with no way for my road to connect to that road i was liek FORGET WAFI!!! We go to Jumaira. I know that area better! So we went to Jumairah Center which has an amesome bookstore outside the mall itself. I snooped prices and ites in stock at any and all craft stores and the decor used. Most craft stores had same decor BORING!!! But one THAT WAS CLOSED! had awesome American themed and I was peeking in the window so long and writiting everything i saw I was nervous the security might come and question me hehe. Then we all went to dinner and that was nice. Then my little man went to sleep fairly quickly with a soothing feed and a noisy car and I had freetime to think about the business but my mind kept wandering and I nodded off every so often only to startle awake to make sure my HUbby wasn't falling asleep while driving becuase sometimes he gets sleepy on long drives at night. He did fine then crashed into his bed (without the car) to sleep solidly. Of course long car ride with baby sleeping means he stayed up LATE but he was being cute not difficult so it was fine. So I had very good day of research! Now if only i can get the funding!!!!
Gulf News said "It doesn't run ads like this from people who don't have a company already." I guess only people WITH companies can run ads saying they want financing to START a company.....hmm GOOD POLICY!!! NOT!!!!!! So now either i have Hubby translate my ad to Arabic and run it in AL-Waseet arabic classifieds or i rely on word of mouth and meetings to get a sponsor..... I WANT a sponsor soon though before someone takes the shop i'm looking at!
I found great new links for Expat Women that I'll link soon (when it's not 5am and I've been up all night) but I feel like I don't quite belong because I'm Muslim and they are mostly not. I miss Lebanon where I had Lots of women jsut like me, Marrried to Lebanese Men, Muslim Converts all living in Lebanon.

That's the new name of my Arts and Crafts Business! Isn't it fab! Don't you just wanna pick up anything artsy and do something with it? Don't you want to buy my products!



Heh ok so back to the moment of inspiration! I've been thinking deeply about my goals this year and teh fact taht I've dared myself to complete them. I also looked at a site ina small mall where everything was fancy and had catchy names and i was like AMerican Quality A&C wont hold water here. Thus as I was feeding my son and daydreaming (the best part of breastfeeding) how to decorate my shop i thought about painting a slogan on the wall like Dare to Succeed, or Dare yourself then Dare yourself to create but create is a term used by Alah so taht was no good. So Creativity came in suddenly and BAM!!! Dare Your Creativity! Now I'm here 3rd night in a row i can't sleep from excitement. How am I living...i dunno but it's working. I haven't been so excited about soemthing since I had my babies and also fell in love with my Arab Hubby.


OK I've been up all night many times to do writing of books but never to the point of constant awakeness. I had to force myself to lay down yesterday afternoon and do hypnosis relaxation methods just to get rid of this feeling like I was hungry but stuffed to my ears at the same time. Maybe it's called strung out. I know about being Manic Happy (I used to be Manic Depressive) but this tops it all!


I read about Enrepernurials(sp?) and Business People on CNN INTL. and i was like man I'll never be like that and like them driven in the business world and LOOK AT ME NOW! I don't recognise this sudden drive! Arab Hubby will go put an ad tomorrow in GULF NEWS the english paper here in UAE. I am seeking afemale investor for a whole lota monaaay. A female so i can be close to her as friends not just finacier. Also I have a secret new partner who will suppiment my weaknesses.
GO GO GO!!!!