Followers

10:02 AM

Husbands: Should they stay or should they go?

Wrote: American Muslima Writer | Topics: , , , , ,

If you don't like your job: you get another.
If you don't like your car: you get another.
If you don't like your clothes: you replace them.
If you don't like your house: you get a different one.
If you don't like your husband?
..................... uhhhhhhhhh......................?
If you don't like your kids, too bad, you can't exchange them for others (well at least morally you shouldn't).
If you don't like your parents, you can move out, but they will always be your parents.
If you don't like your in-law, you have to suck it up and negotiate.
So why if a husband is your family, you can replace him with another?
......................uhhhhhhhh.......................?

So in marriage often spouses fight and make up and fight and make up and fight and make up over and over again ad nausium.... so where is the line drawn to when it's time to give up and find another?

Some times that line is clearly crossed when abuse happens yet other times if there is cheating involved.
Yet on the other hand there are women who "stick by their man" and work it out.
In the old culture divorce seems less common than now a days.
We are so used to having everything convienient and easy-to-use that do we look at relationships the same way?
You should have unconditional love for your spouse as you do for your family and kids, yet often he doesn't have this for you and thus you don't have this for him. Maybe he sees you as replaceable so you feel the need to think the same.
In Islam, Divorce is allowed yet disliked. Families should try all methods to stay together as long as they can. Getting help, counceling, intervention..... it all seems so easily typed yet it's very hard to get this for some couples. So they just let it go and break up the marriage.
Other times it is crucial to break it up when someone is being seriously harmed in an unislamic manner.  Yet even then (sometimes often wrongly) people push to keep them in the marriage.

So just some food for thought today.... should your love for your spouse be unconditional or are their lines to be drawn and who draws them? Should they be stated explicitly or only spoken once transgressed?
Hmm lots to ponder.....
I was thinking about this as I was driving home yesterday how strange it is that finding a new job is much like finding a new husband.... gotta look your best, gotta make interviews, follow tangents, pray for help, take the plunge and sign the contract...... pray the job works out and pays for your needs....

weird how similar they are....

But like jobs, can Husbands be FIRED!?!?!

intelligent thoughts (7)

1:34 PM

6 Week Plan

Wrote: American Muslima Writer | Topics: , , , , , , , , , ,

So I read this Awesome Book! "The Illustrated Pratical Encyclopedia of FITNESS TRAINING" by Andy Wadsworth

Very very excellent book. Really taught me where I've been going wrong in my previous workout attempts. Now I have a new Fitness Workout Plan for the next 6 weeks. Grueling of course.
And I've been working on my eating plan, made myself a comprehensive healthy eating plan.
Instead of making a specific food for each meal I put the things I can have at that meal time and how many servings of each kind so I can make an informed decision even when I don't have a specific food on hand. (common in my house).

Also working on resisting again my "happy" foods. My sugar-drug. OMG DID YOU SEE THEY CAME OUT WITH COCONUT M&MS!!!! I LOOOOOOVE COCONUT AND CHOCOLATE COMBO......
*ahem* yes as I was saying..... RESISTING!!!!  Like last night went with my kids to the park (at 11pm) and on the way we stopped for gas and "snacks" I told them before we went in Healthy snacks only.
OH MY GOODNESS trying to find a healthy snack in a convienience store was like a needle in a haystack. Sure they had fruits, like a pre-packaged Banana and an apple but my kids were not gonna be fooled into thinking that is a snack for parks. and I didn't want to deal with the sticky hands from the juice.  My son started out looking at the marshmellows and I firmly said no, put it back. Then my daughter saw Gummy Cherries, "Look Mommy, your favorite!"  No NO! Put them back!
Then I saw JELLY BEANS!!!! OHHHH I LOVE JELLY BEANS!!!! I was like ok just one bag.... I held onto them as I strolled around. We got to the cookie and cracker aisle. I started checking every package for Carb and sugar counts.... OH the HORROR of high carb counts! 60carbs per serving in most if not more! THen I looked at the back of the Jelly Beans.....WAY more than 60! Stupid me why did I even pick them up...old bad habits! I tossed them aside and finally settled on TUC crackers and SKYLINE crackers. Meanwhile both kids were literally crying and screaming everytime they brought me something sugary and I said No. But their tears just confirmed to me how badly we are all getting sucked into the unhealthy trap.
We made it to the Check-out with only the crackers where COCONUT M&MS assaulted my mind.
I even got sucked into thoughts of "health Bars" with rediculously high carb and sugar counts....which made me put it back....and then on the way out CHEX Trail Mixes in multi-tempting-flavors. I checked the carb counts and was like ummmm not bad carb count until i saw the serving size and servings per bag.. 7-10 servings each bag. So multiply 72 carbs by 7.  342 calories by 10...yeah no thanks......
we got in the car and realized we had forgotten water...but i was NOT going back in there.

 Any of that junk at the park wouldn't have lasted more than 5 minutes, ten max, but those two small packs of crackers lasted the three of us 50 minutes. pretty good! We even found a vending machine at Safa Park (which closes at 11:30pm so we got in free) and I thought the kids would beg for soda but lo and behold they lvoed healthier and begged for water!  YAY!!! Small steps!

It was amazing reading a Weight-Loss Blog "Escape from Obesity" about the brains pathways in habits. Very interesting! Go check it out!

So the last week I spent writing down my plan and fine-tuning everything and prepping myself to resist junks so that on Saturday I can start the workout part.  Yay!  They also have a nice spongy jogging path around the park I'm thinking to use for Rollerblading by myself. Weeee!!!!!

_______________________________________________________
Ah and of course Homeschooling and Work and everything is going on track too!  :D

Thanks for all your support and comments the last post :)

intelligent thoughts (5)

7:17 AM

INDIAN GIVER: RAFFLES SCHOOL

Wrote: American Muslima Writer | Topics: , , , , , , , , , ,

OK so it's a derogatory term that I never liked but in this case it's well aptly used and has no actual conitation to Indians.
Indian Giver was a term given to Native Americans who would "sell" you something of theirs, say Fur-lined boots for $20, but with their religious beliefs nothing was ever NOT theirs even when given away/sold, so often they would return and "take back" their item, without refunding the new owner their money. So basically they would take back what they had given.
Yeah like i said it's a crappy term but some people would do this. Not all American Indians of course are like this or would condone this, and I agree. It was a rough life out there on both sides of the fence and sadly the Indians often got the short end of the stick.
Which brings me to my Blog topic:
I've been searching long and hard for a job once Magrudy's Layed me off, (and SEVERAL others). Everyday I and my husband (especially my husband) have been sending out my CV (RESUME) for any job I remotly even had a chance at, and many I'd be perfect for. My Husband's Salary cannot support us alone. Not even close. Which is no fault of his, just reality. So I have to work (for those who would insist I should stay home).
I've had many many interviews with such a variety of companies. Each one you set out early in the day, dressed to the Business NINES, carrying a sunny smile and a winning attitude. You go through the ordeal of a tough interview with your dignity intact and then sit and WAIT AND WAIT for a call or confirmation.
Mostly nothing returns. Even though I keep getting top-listed for jobs there is always that SOMEONE who has that tad more experience or WASTA or degree that puts them in front of me. Finally FINALLY I recieved a callback for a second interview. Thrilled, I double prepared! Triple prepared!
I went to the second interview and nailed it head on! They e-mailed me the next day with an offer for a high Administration Position! My whoops of gleee could be heard at the top of Burj Khalifa. I jumped around screaming with my kids in the hallway as I told EVERYONE the good news. Thank Allah! My children wont starve next month! My Nanny wont be forced to leave from lack of pay!
Do you FEEL my excitement here? They called me the next day to confirm the offer and Salary.
A few days passed and my husband started to worry why they aren't calling me back to sign the contract. I said no problem they are busy, everyone just got back from Spring Break, maybe things are chaotic.
Finally I emailed them and waited a few more days then fianlly called them (twice). On the phone again I asked if the offer still stands despite the delay and was assured yes it does.
WOO HOOOOO!!!!
Stopped sending my CV out. Stopped accepting interviews. I prepared a detailed schedule for my kids and Nanny and began implimenting it so there would be a smooth transition back to working life. It's certainly not easy to get kids to bend to new rules and timings! It was a cranky house for a week, but it got smoothed out!
I even went shopping for groceries for the begining of next month, over spending a little just to make sure I wouldn't have to go shopping for a few weeks while trying to get into the routine of my new job.

I was mid-shower when the phone rang.

I finished up and hopped out and called the School back. The CEO changed the contract details of the qualifications, thus denying me the position. The offer was taken back, despite the overwhelming approval of my canidacy from the Head HR and Admissions Manager.
I do not get the job after all.

I'm a Customer Service Executive, so I keep my cool when people say and do crappy things to me (well professioanlly anyways), and so I polietly thanked them and calmly hung up.
I sat there on the edge of the bed, wrapped in a towel, drops of water rolling off my hair to splat on the tile floor and just looked numbly at the sun shining through the curtain of my bedroom sliding door. I just kept thinking SubhanAllah, Allah didn't want me to have this job and He wanted me to have insha'Allah something better than this. So I said my Alhamdulillahs despite my depressed mood.

 A heartbeat later my husband comes home in a jolly mood, cracking jokes and nuzzling our kids hello, making them giggle. I swollow hard. I don't want to break his cheerful mood. He greeted me and asked me if I heard back from the school. I winced and nodded. At my unhappy face he was like "What happened!"
So I told him.

It was downhill from there. Sunshine gone like a sudden blizzard on the praire. He couldn't sleep that night too angry in his heart about the sudden taking back of the job offer, and my Nanny too. It was confirmed in writing and verbally TWICE! I googled if this was even LEGAL, apperently it is even though it's crappy.

It's now the end of the month and because I lost a week and a half from the job search market I have no interviews scheduled until hopefully into the last days of April or begining of May. I'm mentally kicking myself for stopping sending my CV. On top of that through a glitch in the system of my husband's company he wont be getting his full paycheck until NEXT month at the end of May.  Thank Allah I stocked up on food but that was the last of our money. We'll have to resort to borrowing again and paying them back when I get paid, which is what we had to do when I had to start working for Magrudy's thus most of my monthly salaries went back to paying off people, May Allah Bless Them. Living like this is just depressing though. Having to resort to begging and borrowing again. UGH!
I was soooooo done with that when we left Al-Ain.

But I always have my Faith. Allah wont let us starve to death. He will give us something better soon. I put my trust in Him to get me a job or some means of providing for my family. Insha'Allah something turns up. Make du'a. There are a lot of people in worse situations.


So Raffles School, you are officially and professionally.......the Title of my Blog Post.
May Allah guide you from doing this to other people.

intelligent thoughts (6)

4:38 AM

The Balance

Wrote: American Muslima Writer | Topics: , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Family first has always been my motto.
If you are having children then you should be ensuring they get the best care possible.  The care that matters because it comes from YOU. Leaving children for a Nanny or Governess or DayCare to deal with while you go wax your legs or shop til you drop (for non-essential things) seems like cruelty to me. I'm not talking the parents that do this once in a while to relax a bit but the ones that chronically do this.
Another alternative to this is parents who work when they don't really have to. They spend gobs of time away from their children and family and in the end is the money they are bringing home going to fill the void the child might be feeling? Of course I'm not talking about parents who need to work to put the Halal-Turkey-Bacon on the table, but those who work because that is what they are programed to do by society no matter the end result it has on family.
There are Sooooo many factors though to this all and it's hard to make open faced judgements like these because everyone's situation is so unique. I see too many families split across the globe. Philipina mothers slaving away as maids or sales clerks with their 2-5 kids back at home with grandma. They need to work, they have mouths to feed. Yet some of them work for sheer ambition... it's hard to draw the line.
I see wealthy Arab mothers flitting from one store to the next in a large group of women, maids and babies training behind them. I have seen children literally left in carts with AND WITHOUT nannies in the middle of the Mall while the mother pops into a store for a good ten minutes.  The child without the Nanny kept staring around her looking so lost and forlorn, sitting dolefully in the shopping cart stuffed with bags as if she were no more than an inanimate object herself. I stared in horror thinking sure NOW the mother would turn around and go back to her child...okay and NOW she would?...and Now?...I guess that shoe sale was just so irresistible to wipe the memory of your child from your mind!  Finally after ten minutes or so she stuck her head out of the shop and waved the maid who had followed her into the shop to bring the shopping cart so she could place the new bags into it.  They walked onto the next shop. I stopped watching lest I vomit or commit murder.
What and where is the Balance to this?
The lines are so blurry it's hard to find which is right or wrong.
How much time Should you be devoting to your family/children?
How much time Should you allot for necessary work?
How much time Should you allot for personal improvement/relax time?

As a non-working mother I was finding it hard to separate my personal time from my family time. If I spent too much time on one thing I became cranky that I was over burdened and never saw the light of day. The whip was cracking 24/7 and there was never enough time to finish everything.
My creativity was dying and manifesting itself into other ways...like mass organizing...re-decorating.... etc...
For a long time I put off writing my novels all together, sure and 100% certain family was more important and my novels could wait.  Yes they did wait. But I found myself writing inane stuff like in depth shopping lists for food. Finally I began this blog, I had to release my stress and somehow get my words back out. I had used LiveJournal and MySpace to vent and keep up with friends but it puttered out and I wanted MORE.
As I posted and posted I began to realize my time was importantt and I needed to allot myself time for my creativity and making more friends.  So I did, and my family life suffered a bit more. Things got less clean, meals got less tasty, children got less quality time.  And the guilt would start again.
I'm being selfish using time I could have spent with my kids.
Then on top of this began my working career, with publishing projects that took up huge chunks of time, and then getting my job. Now everything seems to be hanging precariously by strings.  No one item seems to be getting enough of the time it deserves.... especially my kids.  And it cuts me to the bone.
I love my family and it will always be number one. That is how Allah created me and that is what I've learned from living a difficult life. Every time I see my kids playing by themselves I think why am I not with them? Memories always come to me of times when adults didn't have time to be with me, and that is all I wanted, more attention, more time.  I told myself I'd be different, I'd sacrifice EVERYTHING, to make sure they got that extra attention.  And for years I did. I refused to work unless it was absolutely necessary. I put aside my dreams and aspirations (or at least toiled on them when the kids slept). We lived mostly in scraping-by-poverty. But it was worth it, watching the bond grow between me and my kids.
It stopped being worth it when I was self destructing mentally, emotionally, maritally, and physically.
It stopped being worth it when my kids wanted more to eat and there was nothing else.
I don't regret those years, but now as things are changing there had to be a new balance.
I know I need free relax time
I know I need creative time
that keeps me sane.
I know I need time with my husband separate from the kids
that keeps us stronger.
I know I need time with my kids
that makes them stronger.
I know I need time for work/society
that makes us able to live.
I know I need time for family and friends
that makes us connected.
Above All else, I need time for Allah.

But it needs to be Balanced.
Crazy rushing from one areas to the next or bypassing some areas completely leads to burnout.


The amount of work I'm doing sometimes feels worth it when I'm helping people out in the world.  Other times when I get home to find my kids asleep and only get a few hours with them in the morning it feels like utter HELL. But then when they are sleeping peacefully in their beds and I have some alone time or creative time it's refreshing. When I get that paycheck it feels good to have helped out my family and be able to take the kids out for a special treat.  But I worry and feel guilty that the special treat is a bribe for taking away their quality time with me. I love the extra time I get on the metro to write my novels or read books, but it's transport time away from my family. I adore teaching my kids and have placed the responsibility of their education on my shoulders, yet if the day gets scrambled and there is no time for that, the guilt falls to me.

It's all a giant balancing act.  Everyday there seems to not be enough time. Everyday something new happens to tip the time scales. Routines get disrupted or slightly unbalanced and the whole system must begin again.
I've wrote two long posts this week and sacrificed my Nano Novel.
I've spent yesterday recuperating my mind and heart and contributing to society and sacrificed my Nano Novel and my family.
Today I spent really quality time with my family but sacrificed my work.
Now I will sacrifice my sleep (and thus tip the scales awry for the next 12 hours) to catch up my Nano Novel.
Without my Nano Novel I'd be fluttering aimlessly creativly which would make me go mental.



It may seem madness, but this is my Balance Beam.  I'm glad I was in gymnastics so I wont fall off, but I was never in the circus to learn juggling.

intelligent thoughts (4)

6:36 AM

POLITICAL TENSIONS

Wrote: American Muslima Writer | Topics: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

In an age where Muslims have to keep their heads down and their political views under wraps sometimes we read news pieces that just make up pick up our heads a little bit and find a way to talk more about things that interest us.

I just read this news report on "Between Two Worlds" about Israel gearing up to go to war with Lebanon/Syria/Iran THIS SUMMER! Possibly backed by US forces.

Oh how my heart clenches and how Terror strikes fear deep in my gut. My beautiful "home away from home" of Lebanon, a land of rich culture, beautiful scenery from shore to mountain top. My piece of the Mediterranean. Ready once again to be blasted. To have thousands of civilians killed on our side while if ONE civilian is killed on THEIR side, it is a crime most heinous. I don't want this report to come true, yet I'm seeing the pieces fall into place already.

I am writing a novel featuring UAE-Iranian Political matters, a work of Fiction, yet based on my observations of real life. I closely follow the Politics of the region and have my personal speculations about how things will turn with certain rising powers. But I try to keep all that off blogland for the safety of my family.


But I'm really wondering with this possible war: Will US really be involved in another Middle East War? Will Barak really blah blah blah the political jargon needed to appease American's minds that killing innocent civilians is good for their interests.  Will Lebanon's Army be brave enough and strong enough to actually retaliate against Israel? Or will it be up to Hezbollah to save their bottoms again.

How quickly at the end of 2006 War (which i was there for some of it, and the rest, there in heart) they praised Hezbollah and called them their savior. Then when things settle back down into internal politics they are once again a threat to peace.  I'm not sure Lebanon can have it both ways. They want Hezbollah to be strong to save them in case Israel wants to play war games, but they don't want it to be strong fearing the Western Powers wont let them rise up.  For USA, Lebanon is it's ally and foe.

I really don't want to see another War this summer. I have family and friends there and I don't want to see harmed. I don't want their life thrown into chaos. Forced to run away if they are expats or hide out in unbombed territories. Lebanon has been gaining in it's economy and the lives of the citizens has slowly been improving. Another War could really set that back.


 One of my neighbors once said "Hariri will never let War touch Lebanon again." Overly optimistic? Or right on the button?  I guess only time will tell and the fate of Lebanon is up to Allah.  May He protect these nations from more War.

intelligent thoughts (4)

1:48 AM

Stuck in a Rut

Wrote: American Muslima Writer | Topics: , , , , ,

Imagine: Walking around in circles, moving yet going nowhere.  Or worse yet, stuck in a rut, unable to really do much at all.

Sometimes this happens in life where we are stuck in a situation that we cannot get out of.
Sometimes it involves family members, jobs, abuse, pain, weight, it could be almost any situation you feel stuck in.

It is these times our faith helps us and teaches us how to cope.
You continue to make du'a and Pray hard hoping for better times and the Mercy of Allah.
More than that though you really have to rely on Allah that He will get you out of this situation. No one really has control over life and it's events than HIM. That is real faith.

We all are tested and tried by God to improve ourselves and to give us the chance to help more than ourselves in the end.

intelligent thoughts (4)

10:25 AM

I. WILL. NOT. FAIL.

Wrote: American Muslima Writer | Topics: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

I will not fail

i WILL not fail

i will NOT fail

i will not FAIL


I.  WILL.  NOT.  FAIL.





I will not go down

Knowing

I could have done better

Knowing

I gave in to my weaknesses.




I will rise up

Rise up to the Destiny

Allah has Willed for me









Should I fall

I know

I will fall without Failure.


I.  WILL.  NOT.  FAIL.

intelligent thoughts (3)

7:02 AM

Confession: My Drug Addiction

Wrote: American Muslima Writer | Topics: , , , , , , , , , ,

I am out of my mind with depression and misery and anxiety, waiting for that next hit. Trying to hold it off as long as possible. Yearning for that mad rush every time I take a bit. "I'm not a heavy user" I claim, yet there I go sneaking hits here and there. Sometimes I've gone a few days to a week without it... was I miserable? You betcha. Does my family realize the extent I go to get my drugs? Not at all. I hide it in different forms. I sneak it into the house under false pretenses. Sometime I even get my rush outside the house. Taking the kids out somewhere and I know they wont notice my purchase. They love their mother's sudden rush of energy and excitement.

I've been hooked on this drug for a long time and this past few weeks I've really had to come to terms with what it does to my body and mind. But naturally the more I realize what is wrong with me the more I crave my drug to ease the pain of stupidity. "Oh I'm a druggie eh? Well that's depressing, I need another hit."

But having found out my weakness has lead me at the same time to a solution to fixing it. It's sure as hell not gonna be easy. After all this drug is EVERYWHERE!!!! SERIOUSLY! You have to spend MORE time and money to AVOID it than it takes just to get it.

It's so common these days that they wrap it up in fancy packages and you can even have it served to you like royalty. Ahhhh, just typing about it is making me want some more NOW!

I'm sure you are wondering what is this drug I'm desperate to get everyday at least seven times a day. I will tell you. I don't fear Police Reprisal for my Confession but I do fear your mocking laughter. Promise me right now you're not gonna laugh at me. This is not some joke or prank I am pulling.

I am seriously addicted and you just might be surprised to know you might also be too......



I am addicted to Sugar. I have a sugar sensitivity to where my body craves it as deeply as any narcotic drug. If I don't get it I have wretched withdrawal symptoms. When I get a hit, I get a sugar high Ecstasy users would dream of. And I found out recently just how much it is ruining my life. Every time I get a bit of sugar my body becomes accustomed to the effects requiring me to need more and more over time until now it's come to the point large doses don't affect me and I have to seek out more high sugar content. A spoonful of pure Brown Sugar, or Honey, or sneaking in a juicy oozy Extra Large Kit Kat Bar with dribbly caramel. I save the KitKat for days when I'm super low. Or when I've saved up enough for my habit a large Iced Coffee with Mint Chocolate flavor with whip cream and caramel on top with a rich super chocolate cake. Arg, I'm drooling on my keyboard now and wishing I had the money to pop up to the Mall...

But there is hope for me and for you too if you are sugar sensitive and call yourself a "Sugar Addict" or "Chocoholic". My friend lent me the book "Potatoes NOT Prozac" and BOY OH BOY! did it open my eyes! This is one book recently I've been reading to battle my depression and to help overcome my mental meltdown I had a few weeks back. We'll discuss the other books I read and things I implemented later lets get back to the Potaters. So I reluctantly and dutifully copied all the info I'd need from the book into my own Food Journal. I've been lazy as all get out to do it properly everyday. But slowly I'm trying to ease the sugars down and be more aware of my body's responses to it. It has been helping.

Along with the other books I've been reading I feel more peaceful and better about life now alhamdulillah. Things are definitely turning around and all is not lost or hopeless. I appreciate your comments and concerns in the last post, it really helped me to know there are so many caring poeple out there.

intelligent thoughts (12)

6:39 PM

Mental and Nervous Breakdown

Wrote: American Muslima Writer | Topics: , , ,

Gosh what a scary sounding thing to happen to someone.

And it is, scary.

SO I wont be posting for a while, not that I've been posting much lately anyways but now even less so...

See ya insha'Allah when things are brighter.

intelligent thoughts (15)

12:50 AM

Suicidal Depression

Wrote: American Muslima Writer | Topics: , , , , , , , , , , ,

Have you or someone you know been close to the edge? That dark abyss there is no returning from. Staring off that massive edge wondering if you have the nerve to jump or the nerve to back away and go back to life. Both take extraordinary amounts of will power. Yes it takes a lot of power to walk away from suicide. To not give into that seductive whisper of peace for eternity.

What can you do if you're on that edge?

-Talk to someone who cares about you deeply. A wife, a husband, a parent, a friend, a relative, the police if need be, anyone who is willing to listen to you and take you seriously.
-Have someone around you to keep you company for 24 hours or longer until you feel free from the edge.
-Explain frankly that you want to kill yourself and you want them to prevent you from this.
-Realize you don't really want to die, you just want to stop the pain, anxiety, stress, chaos, depression, and agony.
-You have a problem and it needs to be fixed for you to feel you can live.
-Work with people on how to fix this problem in small manageable steps, or to get through your pain in small steps.
-The solution may take time to work itself out but with determination and obviously the instinct to survive and live it will work out.
-If the first person you talk to doesn't help you, find someone else.
-Don't worry about going to work or school or taking on the responsibilities you have for a good few hours while you find someone to talk to. If you have kids find someone to watch them immediately. Anyone trustworthy will do.
-It is more important to take care of your mental well being NOW so you can be there for those who count on you another day.
-If you feel counseling will help you take that step to find some. If you've been that route before without benefit try to use the network of people and friends you do have to find solutions for your problems.
-Search the internet for solutions and ideas if need be. Remember some people don't HAVE any friends.
-And above all: DO NOT KILL YOURSELF, you are loved, if not by anyone in this world, than by God who Created you, and made you for a purpose.

Many times SADLY people try to reach out in their suicide attempts. AND ARE IGNORED! Their sadness, depression, and pain are swept aside. These people are too busy with their own lives to be overly concerned with yours. It happens all too often, resulting in the tragic loss of one life, and perhaps several more with them.
If someone you know or a random stranger even tells you they are suicidal:
-Take them seriously.
-Offer to stay with them until the feeling passes, talking out their problems offering solutions where you can.
-Try to get help if you are unable to assist them
-Call anyone from their family or friends that they are willing to talk to about their problems.
-Call police if need be if it is serious and critical
-Remove any pills, sharp objects, unsafe locations from the person's immediate area.
-Show honest sympathy not just wary concern.
-If it's someone you are close to then hug them or make them feel special and loved in some way.
-If you are called on the phone with someone wanting to harm themselves then keep them on the phone as long as need be, getting their location, and how you can find them or someone near them so in case the phone line goes dead you can do your best to track them and make sure they are safe. Try to calm them and help them find a solution.
-Try NOT to take anything they say personally, life is stressing them out not just ONE person (you), so try to put aside your personal feelings of anger at anything they say.
-If you honestly cannot sympathise or help the person do NOT say "Well, I just don't know how to help you really..." Even if it's true, it will make the person feel more depressed. Pretend if you have to until you can get them in touch with someone else reliable that CAN help them.

Another important aspect of helping those with suicidal/depressed thoughts.
FOLLOW UP!
Depression and suicidal thoughts often do not go away over night.
Do what you can of the following to continue to support that person:

-Call them regularly, daily, twice a week, weekly etc...
-E-mail them if they are far away.
-Visit them if they are near.
-Bring gifts that make them feel happy and valued.
-Focus conversations away from depression/suicide attempt. Last thing you want is them thinking dark thoughts again. Try to be just enough upbeat to make them feel better without smothering them in "thick candy-sweetness".
-Ofter to help them with their problems, watch their kids for a bit to let them relax and unwind, perhaps help them clean the house, do those tedious chores, study for that awful exam they were dreading, anything that helps them find mental relief.
-If they started therapy ask them how they are liking it, are they feeling better yet?
-Also if they seem withdrawn from society or people try to take them on outings that are nature focused, to the park through the woods. Nature is peaceful and beautiful. AND CALMING. Sometimes just leaving a person's house can make them feel better. Somewhere where there is no pressure for them to be something they aren't.
-Do anything you CAN do to help them. DO NOT let their misery take over YOUR life but be supportive as you can. Your role is not to CURE them just to support them so they will think twice before crawling back to that edge.

PLEASE try to remember that just because someone is highly religious doesn't guarantee they will not try to harm themselves. Everyone has their weak days and weak points. Don't tell them "You are "insert religion here", so you are not allowed to kill yourself." That is stressing the negative and will likely cause the opposite effect you're looking for. Be positive. If it helps to appeal to their religious side remind them of their Creator and the Mercy within. Stay positive. Remind them of all the things life is worth living for.
Be an honestly good person. You may have saved someone's life. Follow up on people you haven't spoken to for a long while and make sure they are okay. You never know when you'll make someone's lonely day sparkle.

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