American Muslima Writer -Daring to Work Towards Jannah

Ohh man, Last night I was up all night with two cuties who refused to sleep. It was a vicious cycle. The baby would cry for milk/diaper change/cuddling/rocking to sleep/playing all night. My 3yrs daughter wanted nothing but to lay next to me where ever i was. But she wasn't sleepy. 4 is definitly a crowd in bed so I kept having to go back and forth between the kids and try to convince the suddenly unattachable daughter to stay in her bed. She's just so clingy at night now. It's cute but definitly annoying when the baby is up too! Has anyone out there had this problem with their pre-schooler?

I felt just now I wanted to rant and rave about something but I can't because too many poeple I know including the person I want to rant about read this... and my other blog too everyone reads it. SO how can one publicly rant without anyone knowing it's me? SHould I make a secret new blog called anon and rant all day on it? But eventaully someon would find it, they always do... *sigh*

Some of my favorite books to read are Historical ROmance. I inherited a large shelf stuffed with historical Romances. Mainly of England. Beautiful Opinionated White women being sought after by Mr. Tall Dark and White Handsome. I loved the books and still do but at the age of 14 I kept searching book stores and came across "Black Romance". I thought wow that is interesting that they seperate the romance section Why can't there be mixed heros and heroines.
Later about 15/16ish I was watching boxing with my Grandfather and simultaniously formulating a plot and characters for my book when I hear "Up next England's Best Boxer from ***Shire." I look up expecting to see Mr Tall Dark and White Handsome and see a very dark gentleman pumping his boxing gloves together. My eyebrows rose but then when he started talking they nearly rose straight off my face. He had a british accent! Imagine that! a black person in England. I was beyond shocked not because of the boxer but because of my own stupidity and lack of knowledge. All books I ever read had whites in them and all history books talked about white kings and queens and royalty. I grew up with mexican friends and black friends but never did I ever hear of black poeple in England. I was angry that I was so stupid and lived in such a country that has so little multi-culturism that I'm 15/16 and was shocked by a black person with a british accent.
The same thing happened later when IN Lebanon and had learned by then that poeple from all over are all different colors and that is wonderful. I was introduced to a woman who was from SOuth Africa. I was therefore quite confused to meet a white woman with a british accent. She saw my confusion and was so sweet to me and explained about colonization and such. I felt stupid again. WHy does this keep happening. I'm not racist in any way I have friends from all colors and love them equally and dearly. But somehow becuase of the way I was raised in USA I didn't know that just because someone is from a certain area they have to be a certain color.
I just read an entry reply on PM's blog where someone said "I didn't know Puerto Ricans had (black) people." I relived the shame of that day watching the boxing match.
I read Angry Muslimah's entry on the injustice of Black WOman being treated unfairly in marriages especially darker blacks. Again I felt I wanted to comment that I'm glad she's sticking up for the sisters that need it but I was so ashamed from the day of the boxing match so I didn't reply.
I met a Canadian sister recently and was expecting to meet a white woman and was plesently surprised to see she was light black and had three beautiful dark kids. I didn't treat her differently of course because as I said I have friends from all walks of life and we had a wonderful long evening, but still WHY did I assume she was white before I met her?
So now I'm saying it for the world to hear WHY don't people understnad that there are people of all colors from all places? WHY am I constantly shocked and SHAMED?!?! I'm not racist I'M NOT!!!!!!!!! SO WHY the constant shock when I meet new people? WHy was I brought up to not know and expect things to be different?
What kind of thing should you call it when, as a child, you don't buy Black Romance novels? When you don't buy the black Barbies/dolls? When "Black Pollyanna" comes on and you get bored and switch on the white Pollyanna and are facinated? WHAT IS UP WITH THIS?!?!?! I don't like it! I'm ashamed of this!
Why didn't anyone ever tell me there ARE Black People in England!

It's very important to help our sisters of all religions and races. Please sign this


http://www.lifetimetv.com/breastcancer/petition/signpetition.php


Mastectomy: This is important!

From a nurse: I'll never forget the look in my patients eyes when I had to tell them they had to go home with the drains, new exercises and no breast. I remember begging the Doctors to keep these women in the hospital longer, only to hear that they would, but their hands were tied by the insurance companies. So there I sat with my patients, giving them the instructions they needed to take care of themselves, knowing full well they didn't grasp half of what I was saying, because the glazed, hopeless, frightened look spoke louder than the quiet 'Thank You' they muttered.
A mastectomy is when a woman's breast is removed in order to remove cancerous breast cells/tissue. If you know anyone who has had a Mastectomy, you may know that there is a lot of pain afterwards. Insurance companies are trying to make mastectomies an outpatient procedure. Let's give women the chance to recover properly in the hospital
for 2 days after surgery.
It takes 2 seconds to do this and is very important .. Please take the time.Please send this to everyone in your address book. If there was ever a time when our voices and choices should be heard, this is it.If you're receiving this, it's because I think you will take the 30 seconds to vote on this issue and send it on to others. You know who will do the same. There's a bill called the Breast Cancer Patient Protection Act which will require
Insurance Companies to cover a minimum 48-hour hospital stay for patients
undergoing a mastectomy. It's about eliminating the 'drive-through mastectomy'
where women are forced to go home just a few hours after surgery,against the wishes of their doctor, still groggy from anesthesia and sometimes with drainage tubes still attached. Lifetime Television has put this bill on their Web page with a petition drive to show your support. Last year over half the House signed on. PLEASE!! Sign the petition by clicking on the Web site below. You need not give more than your name and zip code number.

May Allah reward you...

I've always yearned to be a LADY. A proper, sophisticated, well groomed, well mannered, graceful Lady. Who's skin is always in top condition and clothes are elegant yet modest. I've searched far and wide for this "inner me". Through clothing changes, Renaissance re-enactment in the SCA, and religious change into Islam. Finally in Islam I received my answer. I already embody this Lady in my heart. Now just conforming my outside appearance would be more challenging. Obviously though the abaya it is elegant and modest and if you add the lovely black gloves it is indeed sophisticated. Hijabs of all styles allow one to be modest and still fashionable.
So OK I have the clothes and the heart. What about the graces and manners? Islam teaches the best of manners for sure and I strive to follow them. Graces?
AHHHH here is the crux of the matter! We as young girls in America don't really learn these social graces as formal education anymore. It's too 50's-ish. Feminist says we must BE men Equal in every way. So I never learned to walk gracefully balancing a book on my head etc.. I never got to learn how to primp to look best for one's husband. (I'm not talking make-up and teddies ladies....) No one ever taught me to do all these feminine things!!! I'm not talking about being able to excite a man I'm talking about being a graceful LADY. Grace and poise, grace and poise! No one taught me how best to set a formal table or which fork or spoon comes first. I was envious in the movie "Mona Lisa Smile" the Etiquette class they had.
My brother-in-law's wife is the most graceful person I've ever met. She wastes no movement as she glides (not walks). Her gestures are simple and elegant and even wearing sports clothing she exudes grace and poise. I watch her in awe. Her mother has that same grace as does her brother (but in a manly way). I wonder if it's genetic or they learned from their mother.
How does one learn grace? Why aren't we taught in school or by our mothers how to be WOMEN!!!! The ART of being a WOMAN!!! Why can't they teach us? You see these politicians wives at the sides of their husbands exuding grace and poise and the sense of everyone knowing she has a lot of control BUT SECRETLY! Where did they get it from! Where can I get it? I've read hundreds of Historical Romance books longing for the social graces they exude.

In school you are either in the popular crowd where the more flesh you show the better you get noticed or you're in the out crowd which develops your personality cause you can't make it physically. Well I fully admit it I was in the out crowd I was the FAT GIRL in school who
was made fun of. How can you learn grace if you're constantly being told you're not good enough?

I'm not graceful or elegant....*munch munch munch* !Weight goes up! People
laugh.... strive again to dance with grace but once again people laugh at the fat ballerina..... *munch munch munch* !Weight goes up! ITS A VICIOUS CYCLE!

I didn't have the option of taking home EC in school so I don't know if you learn something useful in there like how to be a good housewife and be graceful but I sure wish there was a class in this.

Why is America against bringing up good housewives and good graceful women who can teach their daughters and sons a good way to move about the earth? Sometimes I feel like a clumsy ox lumbering around my house especially when i run. I want to soar like an eagle majestic not putter like a car on empty. I know I have graceful movement sometimes and I strive to use them more but it's not learnEd so how can one teach oneself? I'm angry at America. I'm angry at feminist that don't want me to be graceful at my husband's side supporting him with my silent strength as good women can.

Now I'm all for the betterment of womankind but can't we keep our gracefulness? I want to be a LADY!

Miss Muslimah is nervous to wear hijab and that is normal. Everyone has this nervousness at first about what people will say to them.

My mom didn't like when I wore it because people asked HER questions and she didn't know what to reply.

I want all the sisters and brothers out there to write the offensive and funny comments they have gotten for hijab and what they replied to that so others can have something to say when they are confronted.... even if what you replied wasn't islamically acceptable i still wanna hear it. (shorten the cuss words though ;) )

1. Once I got off a greyhound in Tucson,AZ (my hometown) and was waiting
for my father to pick me up and this ignorant man called across the parking lot
"Hey you RAG HEAD!!!! GO BACK TO YOUR COUNTRY! WE DON'T NEED F*- POEPLE LIKE YOU
HERE!" I stood up glaring did the ungalant thing and flipped him off "I'M FROM
TUCSON YOU MORON!"

2. Waiting for a bus on my way home from school in late spring (which means
90's degreesF hot outside) and this middleaged woman is standing and i smile at
her and she gives a furtive smile. A few minutes pass as we stand silently
then she calls out "Aren't you hot in that thing?" I smile "Oh not at all,
it's blocking the sun from reaching my body. Especailly keeps my head
cool." She nodds and thinks about that as she stands in the sweltering heat and
every so often starts touching her hair to see how hot she's getting as I keep
smiling.

3. My friend in the SCA (renn. re-enactment group) comes up to me the first day I'm wearing my hijab openly (after saying shahada only a week ago). "Oh, you look really Muslim" "I AM!" I replied smiling. She thought obvisously that I think I'm pretending to be a muslim for a character. "No honey, you LOOK LIKE A REAL MUSLIM!" She emphasized. "I AM A REAL MUSLIM. I CONVERTED LAST WEEK." I emphasized back...... silence ensued as the whole group overheard and had to think about that for a while. Then my other friend Amanda popped up "Cool! I like the scarf!" I sighed as everything went back to normal. No one said anything again and things went fine after that. (Love you Amanda!)

Yalla everyone I want lots of replies to help this sister out and others who just want to share the funny/difficult things that happend to them when wearing hijab. May Allah reward you for being brave. Ask your friends to add stories too. This will be a great collection. Post as many times as you like.

Ah we all thought the little merry-go-round was too fast, too exciting, too daring..... little did we know the roller coaster that it lead to next was more extreme!

We wobbled off the merry-go-round looking like things were going to get better because Captain Panadol (Tylenol) and Superwoman Cough Syrup help save us from doom. Then they went to take a nap and a crowd rushed by us and swept us up into the line of a roller coaster and before we could even protest here we are flying full speed to only Allah knows where.
Daughter cries that the coaster is making her fever too high and the rushing winds make her cough up her lungs. Baby doesn't mind the hieghts anymore as his fever has vanished alhamdulliah but those winds are giving him one nasty croak of a cough. I'm trying to hang on so I don't fall off on the loop-de-loops but I also have to hold my WHOLE family in place and make sure that every 4-6 hours Captain Panadol and Superwoman Cough Syrup show up and try to slow the ride. (I feel like a pharmasist) When I thought I couldn't possibly be stretched further HUbby comes down over night with aches and pains, fever, cough and finally took my advice to stay with me on the coaster instead of running away to his cozy job free of germs. Though it's hard to hold everyone and myself on the ride we have a new re-enforcement of Flash Ibuprofen. He's super fast and super strong and he's taking the bite out of germs. While Captain Panadol and Superwoman Cough Syrup try to fix the coaster to stop, Flash Ibuprofen is the real hero because he keeps me and hubby sane enough to help the little ones. We are in a battle that is indeed mighty fierce but through it I know Allah will cure us and make my babies smiling again. For only with Allah is there cure. He gave us the Captin Panadol, Superwoman Cough Syrup, and Flash Ibuprofen and only HE can make them strong enough to help us.

Thank you sisters and brothers out there who have wished us well to recovery and plz keep us in your du'a.

Here we go merry-go-round, merry-go-round, here we go merry-go-round ALL FREAKIN DAY!!!!!!!! UGH!!!!

First it started out as an innocent cough from the far corner that is my daughter's bed at night. It moved up to a fever that kept her home from school for the day with some Panadol re-enforcements.
Now after Dr visits she's on anti-biotics for a full case of who knows what.
Then when we thought the ride was over the button was pushed again and it kept going...
Another more innocent cough started cuddled to my chest that is my son's place at night.
It moved faster to a full fever that started out my Jummah on a bad note
After Dr visit we thought it would be smoother like the first ride.
Then the merry-go-round started making odd noises and nearly threw us all off as son threw up anti-biotics twice no matter how I presented them.
All night with two kids fever and coughing that was barilly ebbed by beloved Captain Panadol, the hero of fevers.
After not eating all day because we were busy, hubby and I decided a treat to McDs would do to turn this merry-go-round ride from torment to fun.
Sure the food was good and daughter had fun on slides and climbing and son had fun playing with cardboard wrappings UNTIL!
Mommy nearly passes out from too much riding! I woosily get to the car and by the time we get home I'm beat and my head is throbbing. I weakly hold onto the merry-go-round and do my duty to my kids to make sure they are comfy in their beds as my body aches at every joint and muscle. My throat is particualrly scratchy and my head on fire. I down a ibuprophen and pray to Allah to make the ride stop just for a few hours so i can sleep. Allah answers my prayers and the ride is stopped but we are still chained to the merry-go-round. I wake up to three fevers, crying, now daughter yells tissue at the top of her scratchy voice every time her nose is a little drippy which is ALL the time. Also she says her eyes hurt as if she's about to go blind which frightens me a lot. The only reaon I'm able to blog on this merry-go-round that has lasted for a week now is because both kids are heat-comatose in fever and sleeping.
Ah but good things come to an end right? Please make du'a out there that we all get better soon and the merry-go-round will stop.

Sometimes I feel like a sock that has been knitted over and over patching each patch with a new color. Sigh I'm re-torn about life and blogging.

I've been maddly commenting on blogs far and wide getting a feel for what I love and am passionate about. Yes still Islam #1! That's not gonna change!
But thanks to Angry Muslimah (see link on side bar) I've re-awakened another side of mine... the compassionate one. I love about Islam it's compassion to those in need. Never before have I seen people who will take in complete strangers just because they are in need.
I read posts where someone "finds" a baby and milks it and raises it as their own. I think where's my baby? I have milk! Why can't I be the one to find a baby?!?!?! I'd love to raise an orphan as my own milk child! I want to help!
I read post where women have bad domestic problems and need a place to recouperate and someone to encourage them to get the help they need. ANd to put it bluntly spell out for them their Right in Islam. I want to talk to these women and encourage them! I want to shelter them and their children! I want to make a difference in someone's life for the better in their need of crisis!
I read posts about ignorance of Islamic laws and those men and women who don't follow the laws and cause harm to others. I want to educate them! I know lots about Islam! I want to teach them what is good and bad and right and wrong!

I

WANT

TO

HELP

!

So subhan'Allah it's increadible that maybe I can get a job (though a friend) at a government sponsored charity project for New Muslims, and those in Need. OHHH what a dream job and getting paid for it too! MAKE DU'A MY HUSBAND AND I GET THESE JOBS!!!!!
But this is why I'm so torn. Haven't i writen post after post about art and the need for a store here in Al-AIn and then in a blink I abandon my pet project for this strong calling I have to help others in need. Not only abandoning my arts and craft store but my writting as well! I've even put off meeting with an influencial investor for my store just to await word that I could get this job. Not only do my hubby and I need this finacial assistance but it is in a field we are both dedicated 100% to. Helping others in Islam and giving Da'wa.
But say I get this job then what about art store and writting and WHAT ABOUT MY KIDS!!! I've never been a working mother and I'm loath to do it because I love being home for my kids and taking care of them totally. Of course the ease of breasfeeding not done publicly and where will I put my babay while working?!?! I CANNOT PUT HIM IN DAYCARE HE"S A BABY!!!! I really really dislike putting kids in daycare without there being a strong need.
Oh man the ironies of life. My life has been stay at home wife/mom for past 4 years and suddenly in the begining of one year all these oppourtunities happen! It's amazing, subhan'Allah. I was just thinking what will bloggers think about this new job oppourtunity? WIll they think I'm fickle? Hmm let me make a poll lol...... But after reading about some women's plight I would love to help people make a difference that matters. So do I have a new goal? You betcha! Goal: Help people in need....

The talent to make art and to use what Allah has given us to beautify the world is in no way limited by a field of study. I believe all studies of interest not just "hobbies" do have art in them and an appreciation of aesthetic values.
We like a clean home because the orderliness of a perfectly arranged house is calming to the inner artist. (all people not just "artists") The perfectly matched decor, lighting, furniture, accents all inspire us to the higher self.
Suzie said in a comment that what do people do who don't have a hobby and I really tried to think about a job or a task that doesn't have the quality of art in it. Even Language is an art unto itself though we normally don't see it this way as some of us curse the moron who cut us off in traffic.... Every job has it's orders to improve and promote the product/company. Even the task of stamping "accepted/denied" on claims has art. Where to stamp to have the greatest effect on the page. Plus the act of stamping is an art.... I always wish i had my father's job so I could use his "official" stamps.
Even taking care of our children we incorporate art... dressing children=fashion design; hair brushing= coiffure; food preparation=culinary art etc....
So even in the smallest task there has the chance for artistry to be expressed. Though sometimes we don't feel like we are expressing. It's all about changing your point of view though. If you think I have 15 minutes to whip up something everyone's gonna eat you're not realizing the potential of your time. In 15 minutes you can arrange a beautiful plate of multi-colored food (which is healthier anyways) that will have your family sighing or you can mush it all together and slap it on a plate. My younger sister-in-law taught me in Lebanon how to make a radish into a rose and from then on I really looked at food differently. The possibilities are amazing.
So perhaps we should all take the chance and stop rushing through everyday tasks and try to realize we are making art. You're not vacuuming, you are re-arranging carpet fibers. You are not driving the 9-5, you are moving harmoniously in the flow of life, meshing with the ebb and flow of Allah's Will. and His Artistry.

Surah27,ayah88 "Thou seest the mountains and thinkest them firmly fixed:(3318*) but they shall pass away as the clouds pass away: (Such is) the artistry of Allah, who disposes of all things (3319*) in perfect order: for He is well acquainted with all that ye do."
*Footnote3319: Atqana: to arrange or dispose of things with art, or so as to obtain the most perfect results. The present phenomenal world and the Future that is to be, all have a different object and purpose in the Plan of Allah, Who knows perfectly what we are, what we do, what we think, and what we need. Who can praise His Artistry enough?

Surah35,ayah27-28 "27: Seest thou not that Allah sends down rain from the sky? With it we then bring out produce of various colors. (3910*) And in the mountains are tracts white and red, (3911*) of various shades of color, and black intense in hue. 28: And so amongst men and crawling creatures and cattle, are they of various colors. (3912*) Those truly fear Allah, among His Servants, who have knowledge: (3913*) for Allah is Exalted in Might, Oft-Forgiving."
*Footnote3910: Everyone can see how Allah's artistry produces from rain the wonderful variety of crops and fruits--golden, green, red, yellow, and showing all the most beautiful tints we can think of. And each undergoes in nature the gradual shading off in its transformation from the raw stage to the stage of maturity.
*Footnote3913: In outer nature we can, though colors, understand and appreciate the finest shades and gradations. But in the spiritual world that variation or gradation is even more subtle and more comprehensive. Who can truly understand it? Only Allah's servants, who know, i.e., who have the inner knowledge which comes through their acquaintance with the spiritual world --it is such people who truly appreciate the inner world, and it is they who know that the fear of Allah is the beginning of wisdom. For such fear is akin to appreciation and love --appreciation of all that marvellous beauties of Allah's outer and inner world ("Allah is Exalted in Might") and love because of his Grace and Kindness ("Oft-Forgiving"). But Allah's forgiveness extends to many who do not truly understand Him.

Those who have garden surely know the life cycle of plants and flowers and fruits. I eagerly go to my garden everyday to see if the tomatoes have gone from dark green, to pale green, yellowish, orange opaque, orange-red, and finally to that juicy tomato red that screams PICK ME! EAT ME! Such a long wait for a minute of satisfaction but it is worth it. It's a marvel to watch flowers slowly unfurl their colors not knowing the final result until they are in full bloom. Everyone knows the beauty of the rain and how it turns shades of green darker and tree bark deeper. Allah gives us beauty in everything He made. At the end footnote we learn the meaning under all of these messages is the spiritual message. That only Allah knows our shades of spirituality and can Judge us with His Mercy. If we seek the knowledge through fear and love of Allah then insha'Allah our eyes will be bestowed upon with the greatest beauties of artistry: Allah's Artistry.