American Muslima Writer -Daring to Work Towards Jannah

As Muslims there is a line between what we can say and what we can't say about sex. Or is there? Where are the hadiths, fatwas, Qur'an, about what can be said?


I'm a Romance writer (also sci-fi/fantasy but lets not go there with now). I've been reading romance lit since i was 12 and inherited my g-ma's collection. I've read some simple books where sex scenes are not included and left to the readers imagination (not always leaving the reader satisfied), other books that are so descriptive that I'm left in actual shock. Where did the author think of doing things like that? I've researched medical sexual books to understand things and learn thing better. I've tried to read far and wide for what people and the industry think is moderate sex scenes relating to the plot. The results differ wildly. Some writers write the scene poetically other writers are basically writing smut. But I have a very unique and worrisome position as a MUSLIM WRITER.


If I write a sex scene in my romance novels for sure there will be hundreds of angry Muslims writing me saying how could you blah blah blah. Maybe banning my books from their country (when it's the arab and western countries I want to write for mainly) and holding anti-Brandy A. Chase protests. Or I can remove the sex scenes and let the readers use their imaginations but that is not satisfactory for me. I want women to read my books and know they have the power to have pleasure in their married lives. I want men to read my books and know they are SUPPOSED to be giving their wives pleasure and not jumping their women like animals. (which is a hadith). But the part where people may think it's haram for me to write sex scenes is A) they think I'm basing it off my personal life which I'm not.... B) they think that I'm encouraging people to have sex outside of marriage, which is a good question C) I'm encouraging people with my words to masturbate because they might not have a halal outlet for their excitement and rising feelings, another good question D) a hundred other reasons I can't even think of but someone will be sure to point out.



I'll give an example. In the beginning of one of my books entitled thus far as "Veiled Attraction", the american atheist playboy-type is enthralled with women and has sexual encounters often at college. I want to show his loose morals and careless attitude. When he's thrust into a middle east country and falls in love with a niqabi muslimah he has to follow her dictates about what will take place based upon Islamic Laws and her powerful father. Then he has to choose to either embrace Islam and thus getting a chance at winning the father over for the girl (you'll never know the end til you read the book) or keeping himself in disbelief and she despises him.

To show his loose character in the beginning I need to show him dating, doing haram like drinking, zina, etc... then later to contrast it we have the main girl who is ultra pious niqabi who would never think of drinking or having relationship with a guy much less a non-believer and their conflict of his trying to catch her attention and she is flustered but firm in her faith.



So are the sex scenes needed? Maybe in this book you say yes but what about this book:



Titled thus far "Crescent Rider", an arab man in historical arabia raids caravans and is unmasked by his future bride. He has to keep her silence by wedding her and they fight a lot and obviously sex scenes are not crucial but would add more dynamics and certainly more drama.



This last example is where I cannot write the book without sex scenes I feel they are crucial to the story and no one would read it if there wasn't sex scenes in it. "The 4th Wife" obviously about a (fictional) woman who is the convert fourth wife and has to learn the ropes of not only islam but Poly as well and I'm going to write it in third POV so that the husband's actions can be seen with each wife.





So where is the line I should be drawing in the sand? I'm really nervous about this topic because some of my friends have already condemned my books to haram and other people are encouraging me. So I am just ripped apart and what has that led to? Me not writing dedicated to any of these right now until I figure this out. Remember my goal of wanting to start the publishing process on a book by the end of 2008? How can I do that if by sending out my book i will be doing something Haram and the money I earn from it will be haram and then using that money for food will be haram and so on and so forth. I do want to be a good muslimah but I have over 40 books waiting to be written all stuck in various aspect of plot in my head and sometimes it gets a little crowded up there you know.



So I really really really really need the reader's advice on this one. It's very important to my life that as many of you chime in as possible. Please tell me your opinions and if and where you can back them up with islamic knowledge. If you don't know any knowledge about it then just still tell me your opinions. Would you pick up any of these books on the shelf and read it as a romance book and then see my hijabed pic or autobiography on the back cover and be shocked I'm a muslim writing this. Bring it on...bring the comments and debate/discussion on.

I wanted to buy my daughter some beautiful character sheets and at the time her favorites were the Disney Princesses. So I found some pretty pink and white swirled sheets with the princesses in their dresses. I got them home shook them out and put them on the bed. A month later my husband looked at the sheet and said "get rid of them". I was flabbergasted. "What? Why?"
"This is kufr saying." he replied. I stared at the bed and just then realized scrolled across every three feet was the words "Believe in Magic." I had honestly blocked it out all this time. We can't afford new sheets and we don't believe in using magic as Muslims and my daughter can't read yet so the sheets are there.
It seems everywhere in childland everyone wants kids to believe in Magic. From Santa to tooth faries to Faeries Period, and the "magic" in all the disney movies, UGH! I'm getting sick of it. I keep telling my daughter it's not real and we don't use this. The fairies she loves so dearly don't exist and the princesses who are surrounded by magic and fairies with wands is something we don't like. At first it was hard for her to understand but when i catch her waving a stick going "bibiddy-bobbidy-boo" I ask "what are you doing?" She says "Magic" and I go "We are Muslims, we don't use magic like this." She replies "I know, I'm doing pretend magic."
But still she knows the difference now between real and pretend but I worry all this magic hype everywhere for kids. It's like a story isn't good unless it involves some form of trickery and magic. It's frustrating me as a parents and as a Muslim about what to do to teach her that all of this stuff is plain old BS.
I watch all movies with her and correct her each time about things that aren't good Islamically.
We don't make "snow angels" we make "snow faries" (which she knows are pretend)
We don't say "godmother" we say "fairy" (in cinderella)
Elina in Fairytopia is silly thinking she has an inner magical light tha she can beam onto things.
Johnny Depp is pretending to be a person called Willy Wonka and then another Person called Jack Sparrow but really is Johnny Depp.
Santa Claus is not santa but just a silly man in red clothes and reindeer can't fly.
Fairies aren't real and they don't take your teeth.

She understands all these things and when she sees for example a picture of "santa" she tsks and shakes her head no and goes "silly man in red clothes".... when she hears the birthday song she crinkles her nose and sighs "we don't sing like that cause we're muslims." I applaud her each time she corrects what she sees to show her that it's good to speak the truth.
Sometimes I think about this whole concept of deluding children about truth and then breaking it to them gently when they are older as insane. When you're about 11 you have to come to grips that santa isn't real and the whole world and your own parents have been lying to you for 11 years.... hmmm yeah not something i want to put on my kid's shoulders. I want them to know I will tell them the truth and they can trust what I say is right.
Some might view this as cruel "OH MY! YOU DONT LET HER BELIEVE SANTA IS REAL!" Umm hello do YOU even believe it's real? No? So why should I corrupt my daughter's mind of what's right and wrong.
Sometimes I think not to let her watch all this magic mumbo-jumbo but she'd see it anywhere later and wonder about it so it's better to teach her whats wrong with it now so later she'll be more firm.
Just last night my SIL brought over Anastasia, the Russian Princess. In it the bad guy is a man who "sold his soul for the powers to destroy Anastasia's family with little smoke demon people" He sings cheerily a catchy tune about terrorizing her and killing her and I was sitting there wincing and wondering how to explain this to a 3 year old. "Who's that man? WHat's he saying?" She asked. I laughed falsely "He's such a silly bad man. He thinks he has magic powers but he doesn't really, isn't that so silly? We don't do that in Islam as Muslims." She laughed back, "Yeah silly man! He's not a good Muslim we should call the police and take him to jail." I sighed with relief. (She has a jail and police fixation that I'm trying to ignore right now and I didn't want her to loose focus of the point by lecturing her on the jail theme again)
I don't mind pretend or imagination as long as there is a firm Black and White line between them and reality, no grey in the middle for her to get lost in.
As Muslims we believe there IS magic out there that is used by the jinns and shaytan to trick people but we are forbidden from dabbling in it and using it.


[Thanks to Safiyyah for the idea of this post from her archives about Magic shows for kids-go check it out]

http://3rdlady.blogspot.com/ (3rd) and I were discussing a joke book on Polygamy in her blog when it struck me that this would be a funny post. Now I don't have the time or inclination to actaully write a whole book on Poly jokes (anyone up to the task?) but Feel free to add some in here. ANything you heard or saw, (even if it's a little naughty), let's hear it. 3rd's example was her husband thought he went to the movies with one wife while the wife he really went with was next to him. (she told it better on her blog I'm paraphrasing).

With so many wives it's easy to make mistakes for the man, especially if he's a bit magoo-ish.... lol so let's see what you guys have to say. Any funny stories from you Poly or Post-poly sisters and brothers?

From Madonna to many Muslim men, they have the same thing on their minds; Virginity.

The word itself congers up a blushing young maidens free from sexual taint with unknown appetites waiting to be learned and explored. Many symbolize virginity as a white sheet freshly put on a bed, pure. Others a newly blooming white rose. Along with the symbolism of white there is the unsaid mindset that virginity is clean. Someone untainted by sexual diseases or problems. Many men are only interested in marrying virgins but how many women are interested in this same mindset. Some women prefer a men to have some experience so at least one of them knows what's going to happen the first time or to be taught properly. How many young men actually last until marriage fully pure? Probably not many in today's society. Many if they are virgin's don't flaunt it. So I was shocked to learn of a certain man who I know through my husband who is PROUD of his virginity and actually tells people about it. I thought good for him! I wish more were like that. With movies like 40 Year Old Virgin where they mock a man who's in his 40's and still a virgin (hence the title duh), and the reality of, at least as far as I know (but I'm sure others), American Society where nearly all boys loose theirs around 13-17 years old (And also the girl they chose of the same ages).... how can we foster a sense of pride in our men and boys to keep their virginity until marriage?






Now say a man is a virgin and he chooses his first bride. What shall he choose a non-virgin or a virgin? For some it depends on Culture. PM wrote a very interesting post about a man being deceived about his wife's lack of virginity after consummation and divorced her. Other's follow their hearts and accept either way. We'll say this man takes a virgin bride and grows old with her when suddenly when he's in his 40's she dies. He needs another wife to help him look after his 5 sweet kids. Should he choose the blushing virginal bride or perhaps a non-virgin who perhaps has a few kids of her own and has experience in raising children?






What about the lady? Reverse roles for a moment and now it's a young lady in her mid twenties seeking marriage and she's a virgin and does she choose a virgin husband or not? If later he dies and she has children to take care of should she marry a virgin man or a non-virgin man? With these simple questions you can see how societies all over would strongly differ with the issue of virginity.






Some people think Muslims are obsessed with virginity. They constantly take the reward for martyrs out of context about the 72 Virgins in Jannah he'll receive. They fling it in our faces. Even my own grandfather said once to me (when I was ignorant enough not to know how to respond) "You see the mOslims running around blowing themselves and others up in the name of their God or worse for their 72 virgins in Paradise." *rolls eyes* Somehow I bet it has more to do with radical beliefs than looking forward to 72 virgins for MOST of these guys.






There is a hadith Qudsiya (sp?) about a man needing to re-marry and the Prophet (SAW) advises him to marry a virgin three times so he can take pleasure there-in. He says no I need an elderly woman to help me care for my children and their needs. I sometimes think about this Hadith. Is it better for a man when he wants to re-marry to marry a virgin? Or should he choose based upon his situation and appeal?






Is it better for virgins to marry virgins and non-virgins to marry non-virgins? Or mix it up? I'm just throwing thoughts out about this and you can come to your own conclusions.

My mother-in-law and my husband's younger sister are coming to spend 22 days in UAE with her two sons.
They are due to arrive on the 25th of June. Wow such short time left!!! Ahhhh! I've got to get my house in order. They understand I'm not the greatest housekeeper in the world but my dignity wont allow anything than 100% when they arrive. SO this friday was spent re-arranging everything in the house and fixing all the repairs that have been waiting their turn. We literally turned my house upside down. But it's looking better. I now feel I have a proper living room not just a couch a tv and a whole lotta tile. It looks comfortable and elegant and was very easy to do It's amazing what a new rug can do to a room. Now tomorrow (Sat), I have to finish re-arranging the other rooms and finalize a schedule to follow.

BUT WHAT KIND OF SCHEDULE!!!
My kids are up crazy late and though I try time and time again to re-set them it's NOT working. SO because they keep me up all night we sleep in VEEERY late. So everything is on weird time at my crazy house. While my in-laws are used to early morning schedules for school and cooking and such. I just feel so much pressure to make everything wonderful for them. I want my mother-in-law to relax for once and just sit back and be pampered instead of working hard and dealing with soo many kids and grandkids. I want my sister-in-law to have an adventure here because it's her first out of country trip. Woo HOO!!!!! :D SO I want to have lots of relaxed fun. Things they don't get to see and do in Lebanon. Things I take for granted being an American and now living in UAE. Maybe ice skating at the mall, going for a day trip to AbuDhabi to the beaches there...stuff like that.
Sooo I have to deal with keeping my house spik and span, cooking meals that will satisfy a LOT of people (and have it tasty enough) and variety enough, and getting my kids to bond with my in-laws again. I'm very nervous about the cooking part because I don't want my mother-in-law to feel that she HAS to help me in the kitchen (though it's normal Arab style to help out when visiting) and I want to impress them with my hidden cooking skills. Normally it's basics I make and maybe once a week or once every two weeks I cook a wow dish. I'm now gonna have to make WOW dishes daily...maybe *gasp* multi-times daily. Plus because of my "un"-diet I'm on and the pattern that my kids and I eat that there will be conflicts. We eat like 5-6 small meals and snacks during the day and they eat the regular three type big meals. I cannot get sucked back into that three a day habit or I WILL GAIN MASSIVE WEIGHT. Maybe they will like my schedule?!?!? It will take a large chunk from my cleaning time though to do all this cooking and pre-preparing WOW dishes......
And obviously my blogging time..... so this is advanced notice that I wont be on checking my comments and replying for prob the first week starting the 25th, just posting the comments and I'll get back to replies later. I'll type up some posts for future posting so you'll still get to read while I'm busy busy busy.
I have to just try and remember they are only here 22 days and I must strive for quality bonding not perfectionism.... but I do want them to feel like the trip was worth it.

Ya Allah.
YA ALLAH...
YA ALLAH YA RABBI ANA!

Something is definity wrong with my son, subhanAllah. EVERY DAY,
E V E R Y D A Y !!!!
He is getting hurt somehow. Since he's been born he's fallen off the bed 8 tims and bonked his little head leaving a lemon sized bruise each time. Making me feel like a crappy mother for not being able to fully protect him each time. He's into climbing and trying to stand by himself and learning to take a few walking steps by himself. We are going into debt because we HAD to just buy carpets for the floors (luckily we don't have many rooms and they aren't big) so if he does fall he wont hit his head so hard. That's not enough though! Still he's getting hurt!

Yesterday he climbed up onto his short high chair and then didn't know how to get back out and fell backwards from it and bonked his head. Luckily he wasn't really fazed by it and tried to climb it again but I put the tray on it to prevent him access. The day before that while playing with his sister she knocked him over onto his back but he hit his cheek on a toy pushbutton phone and it left a nasty bruise.

Today was the worst though! We got back from getting a carpet for the living room (cause soon he'll be climbing the couches) and we eat but the kids are trying my patience and I'm snappy and my husband is soo tired and getting cranky then my son falls under the table. After eating we are getting ready for bed and I'm putting a new sheet on the bed and smoothing it out and tucking the ends in when my son falls over and hits his head on the sharp corner of a drawer. I rush and grab him up expecting to see another bruise but what I find is a mother's worst nightmare there is a hole in my baby's head. Alhamdulliah it's not big about 2mm deep and 2mm across but a hole nevertheless. ABout two inches above his right eye. Allah saved his eye! Alhamdulliah. Alhamdulliah. I freaked out and started crying my heart out and trying to ask my husband if it looks bad enough to take to the doctor. Masha'Allah when i freak my husband sucks it up and is the strong one. He takes the baby from me, which upsets me more cause I just wanna squeeze him and hold him and assure myself that he's ok but with us both crying it's not going to help him. My husband takes him to the other room to distract him while I cry so hard and wonder why this is happeneing to him. Has someone cursed my baby with the evil eye? Or has Allah willed for my son to be accident-prone? What is going on?!?!?!
Finally my husband orders me to calm down for the baby's sake and I try to but I keep imagining it hit his eye instead of his head. Ya Allah I'll give him my own eye, just please protect my son. Eventually I blow my nose and make the rest of the bed to calm myself before taking my son back. I hug him tight and kiss him over and over so happy he's alright. I curl up with him on the fresh sheets and feed him his milk as I sooth his little delicate fuzzy head. I beg my husband to read Qur'an for him and he does so as my little sweet blueberry cupcake falls asleep. I lay him on his bed area and then hug my husband cause I'm still shaken up. After a few hugs I'm feeling better but still sooo confused. WHy is this happeneing everyday?
E V E R Y D A Y !!!!!!!!!!!
My son's skull is a puzzle of bruises in different stages it's so sad. People are always commenting too when we go out.
"Ohhh what happened?"
"Poor Baby!"
"Haraaaam!"
I feel like the worst mother in the world. I'd keep his hat on if it wasn't so hot and if he didn't take it off every two seconds. My brother-in-law after seeing and hearing about his many bruises said we should sacrifice a sheep for his sake to Allah. So Allah will bless him and maybe if there is an evil eye it will be removed. I've never heard of doing this because I'm still new about such things. If there is a sacrifice to be made though, for sure I want to do it. As I layed his little head down and watched his soft chest rise and fall and smelled his milky breath, I felt my squwimishness fade and a hardness fill my heart. I will slaughter a sheep or goat or even a camel, by hand, if that's what it takes to protect my son from this daily harm. I will research how to do a halal sacrifice and the sunnah of slaughtering an animal and I WILL DO IT.


Has anyone heard of being harmed like this before? Do you know how it was stopped? SHould I slaughter something? ANyone know any hadith, qur'an, rulings about this? Let me know please as soon as you can. I'm so tired and my heart is so full of pain looking at his bruised head and seeing his little blue eyes filled with tears.
If you don't know anything then at least keep him in your thoughts and prayers and make du'a for him please.

Women are amazing to begin with but there are a few special sisters in my life who make things much more amazing for me.


My Blood sister J: Though life has always been a struggle for you, you still meet it head on and full of adventure and enthusiasm and when things get rough I will always be there for you to cry with. I wish we had grown up closer but life is how it is and we did the best we could to meet up alot. I know I'm so very far away from you now but I still think of you and gaze fondly at your pictures. I miss you a lot.

My Blood Brother's wife H: You just joined the family and I'm so happy that you are the one my brother chose. You make him so calm and more responsible about life and taking care of himself. I'm so happy he found someone to share his life with and I'm glad that he chose such a sweet and caring and wonderful person like you.

My Husband's Older sister H: Ah, the advices we share and the fun times we've had just sitting together and chatting about annoying husbands, and kids. I still maintain that duct tape would work wonders for naughty kids ;) I don't know how I would have made it so long in Lebanon without your house to rest at and find a friendly face in. Your charming children always brightened up my day and made me look forward to the next stage they'll reach. You are so gracious to always have just what I love to eat cooking and Jam for me in the fridge! You're so full of warmth and genuine caring that no one could be miserable in your house. Thank you for always letting me come by.

My Husband's Younger sister H: The days that felt so crazy were eased by your smile. How could it be that two people from two different cultures and two different worlds could think the same way? From chocolate, ice cream, and games we think on the same lines! You've introduced me to the amazing world of the Arabs and how you think and how you act and sometimes when I was an uppity American you put me back in my Muslim place. All with a simple "La ya Aminah!" You have so many adventures waiting for you in the future and I pray I'll witness every one and watch how you grow up even more than you have in the last 5 years. You're my sister in every way no matter how far our blood is from each other. You're the one person I can be my complete weirdo self around and I know You're destined for greatness, anything less is not allowed for your active mind.

My Husband's Younger Brother O's wife D: You always told me the ins and outs of Lebanese society and in-law's etiquette and where to forget the rules and where to keep the rules. With your grace and style you reminded me we are women and should take the time to pamper ourselves now and then. You're strong and brave and certainly a formidable foe to anyone wanting to step up in your face. With the birth of your son we connected in more ways and had a lot of fun hanging out. Thanks for teaching me the word "^Ayb -Shame" Heh, it taught me alot.

My Husband's Younger Brother A's wife M: I appreciated always your warmness and generosity in inviting us often to stay the night at your house and cooking the most delicious foods. No matter if it was Ramadan or just Lunch any meal was an occasion with you to feast and have a great time. Opening your home and heart to me always made me feel special. I pray that your two beautiful daughters walk in your footsteps and become as sweet as you.

My Husband's Younger Brother W's wife H: Though graceful and proper you always have a place for relaxing and enjoying the moment. You were blessed with an easy birth and although sometimes it isn't easy being a new mother I know you'll make it because you have determination and a lot of love to give. Thanks for always making me feel like your home is my home.

My Mother S: Sometimes I can't believe that we talk on the phone and when you were in UAE we lived a month without fighting now. It's a relief and almost surreal that we get along so splendidly now. Sometimes I look back and wonder why we fought so much to begin with. Thank you so much for spending you time and money on our little family across the world and we love you so much and miss you dearly. (Dad too!)

My Mother-in-Law R: Where have the years gone? We've both changed and compromised so much trying to blend our two worlds together. You've picked up some English and I've picked up some Arabic and in between we just figure things out. We may not always agree with each other's different views but we strive to make it work and enjoy our day together. Just hearing your voice brings me a smile and knowledge that you are out there making your strongest du'as for us. And we make du'a for you too.

My Aunts in USA, and Aunt-in-laws: Thanks for always encouraging me with your wise words and open arms.

My daughter: You've taught me sooo much about life and how to improve myself. I've learned to be a better person for your sake. I've learned selflessness and true meaning of unconditional love. No matter how you try my patience I will always love you and will keep loving you. You're my personal star.

And of course to all my friends out there in America, All over the world, Lebanon, and UAE: You've each touched my life in a meaningful way and I pray that I have left something special with each of you and that if we ever meet again it will be with smiles and a special cup of coffee.

My Blogging friends, advisers, silent readers, commenter's, and other bloggers: Thank you for cheering me up each and every single day. Masha'Allah.

*Three special men: My Dad L: You've always been there for me and helped me up when I've fallen, be it mentally or on rollerblades. You're my true Life Saver. I love you and Miss you sooo much.

*My Husband Z: Thanks for believing in me and not just giving up when things get rough. Thank you for giving me my two beautiful children and taking care of me every day. I love you.

*My Son M: You make every day brighter with your silly smiles and tongue hanging from the corner of your mouth as you laugh. Nothing makes my heart happier than hearing "Allah Allah Allah" from your baby voice all day. You're my sunshine.

Allah gives us such a great capacity to love and masha'Allah I love each and every one of you.

In blogland we take daily, weekly, monthly, yearly efforts to write down our thoughts and dreams and anything that we feel we want to share with the world. We reach out and hope that we touch someones life and when we hear back from them in the comment section when they relate back to us how this touched their lives in some way, either expressing an opinion about the topic or sharing a bit of their lives that is relevant. But sometimes, though we poured our hearts out the topic remains commentless, why is that? Why when some people look at the comment section it shows a great big ZERO. Is the topic boring? Did the author go into such detail to render the comment useless?
Also lets discuss the blog followers. Some blogs have a lot of readers and not commenters, other blogs have commenters galore! Why when the same people comment on Blog X then they come to BLOG B and feel like not commenting? Thus Blog X has 54 comments and Blog B has ZERO. We all take the time to comment on others blogs so people should reciprocate and comment on yours.............or should they?
When people make new blogs it is standard that they wont have almost ANY comments for the first posts until they gain a readership. HOW do they gain a readership, some may ask.... By going to other's blogs and commenting in a way that is sincere, knowledgeable, funny, or outrageous enough for the other blogger and their readers to take notice of the NEW name and click on it to see what it's about.
OK so great now we have a few commenters and as we post more and more the comments grow and the readers multiply. You do your part by sending our more thought provoking posts daily and weekly ensuring when the readers come there will be something fresh to comment on.
Some bloggers really don't care about comments though and if they have zero or they have 50 it doesn't matter. They are just getting things out of their heads and off their chest. Should we all think like that or should we strive to respond to what our readers are looking for?
Wordpress has blog stats about which articles are read the most and how many people are reading your blog. While Blogger doesn't have this it does have Profile viewed numbers (which are hard to go by). So you can see where people came to your blog from and why on wordpress but on Blogger you just have to guess.
SO what happens when you're getting around 15-30 comments each post and suddenly they start slacking off? Suddenly you're getting 2-5 comments only again? Why is this? Are your readers too busy to comment or are your posts not interesting enough to gain comment? Should you change what you write or just let it go?
I did a poll of how often readers visit my blog because I wanted to know how often I should be making new posts approx. How often were people coming to me and expecting me to have something fresh and interesting to look at and ponder at. The poll shows that about 10 people are coming daily and about 10 more come around once a week to once a month.... so if I'm making a post almost daily the daily readers have something new to comment on or to read past comments....but the weekly and monthly readers have anywhere between 7 to 15 posts to read...... not likely that they will comment on every single one.
So now that i have an idea of my approx reader base (who answered the poll) do I try to figure out what they like to read about or just keep up my quirky and various topics, to keep them interested and commenting? I've been wanting to write this post for a month now but i wanted the results of the poll first. Do we as bloggers write what we want, write what the readers want to read, or try to "toe the line" between the two?
If we slack off commenting to other blogs will the bloggers still come to our blog? Do we have an obligation to go to other's blogs and comment if we want comments back? I have a lot of cool blogs i like to read and try to comment on! See that growing list on the sidebar hahahha... one night while my kids wouldn't sleep I tried to go through the whole list and read and comment on all the blogs on the list and after 4 HOURS straight not only was I very tired but I couldn't even complete the list! I got down to the S's on my list before giving up and going to bed. Then the next few days I tried to get through the rest of the list but that meant I couldn't visit the blogs that I like to daily. My favorite blogs i visit daily and the others because of the high number I have, i visit bi-weekly or so. I do feel bad because they are all very interesting and thought provoking but where is the time?
So should we not post once a day to give our readers time to comment a lot and absorb what we say or should we just do as we please no matter the number of comments?
This is a post about Comment and Blogging Etiquette... Let's see if it gets any comments....or will I see a big fat ZERO?