Whoa it has been so long since I blogged... can't really believe it myself I've been away so long. Here's a bunch of randoms thoughts...
But I have great news to share!
I'm getting published!!!!
Can't leak details yet but I will have 2 short story islamic Fiction published and three poems and 6-8 artworks published!!! YAY!
So that is what I have been working on the past few months. April saw the contest for 1 short story and a poem, May I worked on another short story (well two really but I couldn't finish the second in time) and two more poems. June has seen the emergence of an artist :D I've been working hard at designing some black and white drawings (which is not an easy medium to work in).
I signed my first legal Publishing forms yesterday and gotta get them into the mail this week. YAY!
Sometimes I enjoy those milestones where I sign my name at the bottom line...getting my own bank account, my own apartment, marriage contract, passports for my children, publishing deals. There is just an immense satisfaction in writing my name at the end of months of work.
On the personal side of things, I'm working on completing a long to-do list that I promised myself I would complete BEFORE I try to open my own business. Seems the time is ripe for having my own shop and researching for this business is way down on the bottom of my list. I don't want to overwhelm myself with too much stuff which is why I made myself this promise. When the check list is completed only then will I take the plunge. It's not necessarily a hard list with items like :
Sort and file papers that are cluttered in the book shelf.
Sort out the medicines (which have been stuffed in bags and piled up for years) and I just finished this chore yesterday.
Wean my son.
He's almost at the two lunar year mark and I gotta figure out a strategy to wean him without it being torment for either of us. He's so severely attached ever since i tried to wean him back in April. But I cannot be trying to make business deals with a toddler trying to undo my jilbab, not at all professional eh?
So slowly I'm getting there....
I made this month's chart for my daughter long ago for her Homeschooling and it has the names of the month vertically listed with a season symbol next to it. I made it back in December of last year. How far away June and July felt. With their bright yellow sun symbol. Even March,April,May with the raindrop symbol seemed ages, now they are gone. I have accomplished so many goals this year yet still I feel it's all moving too slow on the home front. I still struggle with my ADD everyday to get things done quickly and orderly. Nearly everything on my to-do-list has to do with my home. Because I don't feel I can be successful outside my home if the inside is chaos. So I'm still trying to Calm my chaos.
Today's chore will be going through the kid's toys and weeding out old ones they don't even look at anymore and donating them to charity.
I love PEZ Candy toys, they come in favorite characters my kids love like Tigger, Pooh, Pirates, Tinkerbell Fairies, and the best part is islamically they are good because they don't have bodies. they are hollow with just a head on top that opens. And they double to serve a special treat when the kids have been good, suddenly they will open the pez that has stood empty for ages and find candy inside...hehehe i love that game.
One of my friends is leaving the country soon and she gave me a lot of her children's toys and her daughter's clothes. her daughter is 8 and mine is 4 and I was so happy to get these hand me downs because they fit my daughter perfectly, masha'Allah she's so tall, and now I don't have to buy her new clothes for a long while. Maybe til next year.
Ah my daughter, what interesting things we've been up to. I've always tried to steer her to some tough sports like sword fighting, martial arts, but alas she has alas succumbed to the age old tradition of wanting to be a girlie pink ballerina dancer. *sigh* I'm loathing having purchased "The twelve dancing princesses" she suddenly become a barbie movie addict. But at least so far Barbie doesn't have lengthy kissing scenes like Disney does. I mean really have you ever realized how long or deeply Pocohontas is kissing John Smith before Kocoum comes to battle him? It's embarrassing! I'm like Sweetie, come tell me what this is and how it works (to any random toy in the room) to distract her from the movie scene. The barbie movie, after they got married it just showed them holding hands. Much better..... arg everytime they ask for a Disney movie I just feel I'm corrupting my children..... but I explain things along the way Islamically, like we don't do this, or this is not right to do, we don't dress like this (ala Jasmine, Pocohontas) etc.... it's so hard walking the line between cultures.
She's reading really well though. I'm so proud of her!
We are having a new schedule where their father takes one child with him to pick up his workers from the worksite so that leave me with quality one on one time with a child to enhance their bonding time and learning time. it's really been working out well. And boy is it calming to have one kid in the house again. I feel much better so that when the second child returns happy from their excursion with Baba I can warmly and honestly happily greet them.
Also more good news as of June, my husband quit his last job and was able to get a financial backer to open his own business. So now he's the boss with his own working hours, which has been weird to have him home so often but nice too. The kids are happy to have him around more too. Although on the slight downside I have to have the house more tidier than it used to be. Instead of letting them muck it up with their toys and doing a mass cleaning twice a day before Baba gets home I'm constantly having to pick things up as they knock them down... a little exasperating when I just wanna get through my to-do list but still... at least we get to see his kind face more... :D Also money has been even more tight without him having a boss to fall back on in times of need. So we are just struggling along making sure we have a roof over our heads and a food from each step of the food pyramid to eat everyday, well for our kids to eat everyday, we tend to miss a few steps everyday...but that is life, sacrificing for your children. Alhamduliallah.
My parents were worried because I haven't been bloggin for so long LOL. So Mom this update is for you too :)
So I'm doing overall pretty well. Some days better than others but still... I'm here and that is better than the alternative :D
As for all of those wonderful sisters waiting for me to add them to the All Muslimah Blog Directory, thank you for being patient, it's been crazy these last few months. I'm working on setting down a day to add everyone (en mass). So bare with me and keep checking out other sister's blog and supporting them.
I appreciate all the comments' I've gotten on my blog recently! masha'Allah. I apologise I don't get much time to comment back but I appreciate reading them and posting them for others to read.
For my beautiful sistas on Ivory Rouge, bare with me too hon, I'm trying to get time set aside again to get back into the blogging swing to read all your blogs again. I see sometimes titles you posted and it makes me smile but I haven't gotten the chance to get around to comment properly :( forgive me. Well that goes for all of you bloggers really too, I'm trying to find time to comment more. Fro some weird reason my PC shuts down access to certain blogs. Rudely the ones that are my favorites. ARG! So it takes ages to load and then get through the messed up graphics it loads and the error signs, then finally I get to read the post and then i gotta run off and do something before I get to comment.....pssshh the computer world is so crazy sometimes.
As if I didn't have enough stuff to do with my time, FaceBook has caught me and sucked me into it's depths. it's been nice meeting old acquaintances I knew from Tucson again, and meeting up with new people I know from writing, blogging, and the Islamic Writer's Alliance group (IWA) that I joined. You can add me under the name BRANDY AZ CHASE ... which is the new pen name I've decided to have, the AZ standing of course for Aminah-Zahira, my islamic name.
So that's what I've been up to recently and I had to just gush it out or it would never get said, I have dozens of post ideas waiting of the time to write them and post them but for now they must wait int eh back of my mind on my mental to-do list :p
Love ya All and miss going to your blogs.
Brandy AZ Chase ;) :D
There she goes
Suicidal Depression
Have you or someone you know been close to the edge? That dark abyss there is no returning from. Staring off that massive edge wondering if you have the nerve to jump or the nerve to back away and go back to life. Both take extraordinary amounts of will power. Yes it takes a lot of power to walk away from suicide. To not give into that seductive whisper of peace for eternity.
busy with their own lives to be overly concerned with yours. It happens all too often, resulting in the tragic loss of one life, and perhaps several more with them.
-Also if they seem withdrawn from society or people try to take them on outings that are nature focused, to the park through the woods. Nature is peaceful and beautiful. AND CALMING. Sometimes just leaving a person's house can make them feel better. Somewhere where there is no pressure for them to be something they aren't.-Do anything you CAN do to help them. DO NOT let their misery take over YOUR life but be supportive as you can. Your role is not to CURE them just to support them so they will think twice before crawling back to that edge.
BRING IT ON!
Have you ever wanted to fight someone so badly. You just felt that you NEEDED to release all your anger onto something right now? Well BRING IT ON!We all know the phrase "that which doesn't kill us always makes us stronger" So why when we are tested do we feel so weak and lost? Because we are not seeing our ordeals our trials in the right light. I do this often myself so I'm writing this for myself as much as anyone else.
A trial is like an endurance challenge. Yet more accurately it is a Faith Challenge! Allah throws challenges into our life to test our faith. Like those who build skyscrapers and must build them in a way that if shaken by an earthquake they will not fall. We must build our faith so that when Allah tests us it does not fall.
Many of us are aware of the story of the first Martyr of Islam, a woman, named Sumayya. She was tied up and forced to deny Allah, Muhammad, and Islam. Her son bound to a pole near her was forced to watch her being tormented. She would not compromise her Faith in the face of Death. By uttering her last testification of faith in the face of death she said the ultimate "BRING IT ON!" She literally fought Shaytan and kicked him to the curb. Shaytan wanted her to give in to fear, to helplessness, to give in to disbelief. She did not. By her strength we have a Hero to look up to til the end of time. Those who think women in Islam are weak need only to look to it's first martyr to know the truth.
You wonder how I can be so sure,
We humans are always in trials and always have problems. No one has a perfect life. Each person is given a set of tasks to overcome to better their souls. Are you going to sit there shrinking from your to-do-list of soul improvement or try to ignore it hoping it will just go away? Or do you flex your strong Will and puff your chest like a man and bellow BRING IT ON!!!
Not every task will be so life altering. Sometimes those of us who are strong in facing these despair situations loose our faith subtly in the everyday drama of trying to keep life rolling smoothly. An example: you have to get to work on time and your kids are dragging you all the way and you show up to work an hour late through no fault of your own and your Boss chews you out, then at lunch break you have to work overtime to make up the time you missed in the morning but you then realize you need 15 minutes to pray Thuhr Prayer, you can't ask your Boss who already thinks your irresponsible so shaytan starts whispering a subtle way to break your faith...."go on and work, you can always make it up later at home right?...after all better late then never?..." so you give in and work really hard all day to SHOW your Boss how wonderful you are. You go pick up your kids but then get so wrapped up in their drama you forget to make up Thuhr and to pray Asr and now it's Maghrib before you realize the sun set and you haven't prayed all day. Your faith feels low and you start feeling anxious and depressed about life....
You gotta put on your game face and just say Bring it ON! Bring it ALL ON! You will not take me out. And mean it.
Scarlet fever is due to a throat infection caused by a bacterium (germ) called streptococcus. There are various strains (types) of streptococcus. They cause various infections, and one strain causes scarlet fever." -Patient UK
-Sore throat
-Fever
-Bright red tongue with a "strawberry" appearance
-Characteristic rash, which: is fine, red, and rough-textured; it blanches upon pressure
appears 12–48 hours after the fever generally starts on the chest, armpits, and behind the ears
is worse in the skin folds
-The rash begins to fade three to four days after onset and desquamation (peeling) begins. "This phase begins with flakes peeling from the face. Peeling from the palms and around the fingers occurs about a week later."[2] Peeling also occurs in axilla, groin, and tips of the fingers and toes.[3] " -http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Scarlet_fever
The bacterial infection that causes scarlet fever is contagious. A child who has scarlet fever can spread the bacteria to others through nasal and throat fluids by sneezing and coughing. If a child has a skin infection caused by strep bacteria, like impetigo, it can be passed through contact with the skin.
In everyday life, there is no perfect way to avoid the infections that cause scarlet fever. When a child is sick at home, it's always safest to keep that child's drinking glasses and eating utensils separate from those of other family members, and to wash these items thoroughly in hot soapy water. Wash your own hands frequently as you care for a child with a strep infection.
Treating Scarlet Fever
If your child has a rash and the doctor suspects scarlet fever, he or she will usually take a throat culture (a painless swab of throat secretions) to see if the bacteria grow in the laboratory. Once a strep infection is confirmed, the doctor will likely prescribe an antibiotic for your child to be taken for about 10 days.
Caring for a Child With Scarlet Fever
A child with severe strep throat may find that eating is painful, so providing soft foods or a liquid diet may be necessary. Include soothing teas and warm nutritious soups, or cool soft drinks, milkshakes, and ice cream. Make sure that the child drinks plenty of fluids.
Use a cool-mist humidifier to add moisture to the air, since this will help soothe the sore throat. A moist warm towel may help to soothe swollen glands around your child's neck.
If the rash itches, make sure that your child's fingernails are trimmed short so skin isn't damaged through scratching.
When to Call the Doctor
Call the doctor whenever your child suddenly develops a rash, especially if it is accompanied by a fever, sore throat, or swollen glands. This is especially important if your child has any of the symptoms of strep throat, or if someone in your family or in your child's school has recently had a strep infection." -KidsHealth.org
Rheumatic fever primarily affects children between ages 5 and 15 years and occurs approximately 20 days after strep throat or scarlet fever. In up to a third of cases, the underlying strep infection may not have caused any symptoms."
T-H-E-O-R-Y
Means someone's thoughts that are not yet FACT.
It is Darwin's theory of Evolution NOT Darwin's FACTS on Evolution. Yet everyone treats it as facts and forces us to learn it in school where Creationism is not allowed.
I spent a number of years as an Atheist studying Darwin's works and held great admiration for what he achieved with his life and was set to stick my Darwin Fish on my car when i first owned one.
There were number of questions though that I never found answers to. Answers that the "Great" Darwin could not answer. Some Questions for the curious like:
Why if we descended from Monkeys/chimps are their STILL monkeys and chimps that have not evolved? Surely they would have long ago changed too. What about all the other animals that have not evolved over the centuries and are still very similar to it's original?
Also the ever present, What was there before the BIG BANG? How did it "randomly" spark? There have been many THEORIES about it but nothing that holds water for long unless, get this, YOU JUST BELIEVE. Yes, you have to BELIEVE in Darwinism to just accept that molecules and atoms randomly sprung together to create this ordered and well maintained universe. It's a leap of Faith in science.
One I no longer share. Alhamdulillah. Don't get me wrong I DO understand that some animals and some things change with time just like a river carving it's way through the Grand Canyon. But I do not believe WE HUMANS started out from monkeys/chimps. The river remains a river, the rock of the canyon remains rock. They each change a little but are THE SAME...It has been clear from my studies on Islam in these matters that Allah created Adam and he was huge compared to us. And in Jannah we will be given back larger bodies. So I do see things from two sides really kinda a blend of Darwin/Creation. I believe Allah created everything with set scientific rules. As things reproduced and changed slowly it is by HIS WILL and PLAN. Take my husband and myself and our children, each child looks exactly like half of each of us. They are the blending of two distinctly different races of HUMAN. They will later reproduce with different features creating completely different people with measurements different from me and my husband. These are known facts. But they will remain shorter or taller examples of HUMANS not anything else.
Now I have seen some deeply inbred people with thick brows and chunky heads that if dressed in a monkey suit could pass for monkey or neanderthal but yet they remain human and if married to someone of lighter browed, higher foreheaded person, would produce different children etc... my point of all this is though we humans do change looks and style depending on location or breeding patterns we still remain human and I truly believe we always HAVE been all the way back to Adam when he was Created by Allah. After all Allah created the other forms so why should Human be any more difficult? We have a different soul perhaps but that is another Post to ponder on. The point is that no one on this earth is the gigantic portions of Adam because of the way we've changed but none of us is any closer to changing into a different species.
So a few years after becoming Muslim I realized I cannot BELIEVE the theory of Darwin and although I totally BELIEVE Allah's Creation, I do see some Middle Ground I think scientist should focus on to improve knowledge instead of fighting all the time.
{By the way I do know all the Darwin sided points about the old "Who created God stuff" after all I used to battle Christians on it long ago so don't bother to fight it out with me ok. I'm just putting out my THEORY of ALL of Creationism and PART of Darwin.}
Erasing Time
Have you ever wished time did not exist?
Have you ever felt there were just not enough hours in the day?
Me too. I think I'm in the middle of a quarter-century life crisis. My previous "Bad Mother Award" Post was just the tip of the iceberg. There is sooo much more. And it all has to do with time.
I've heard about some people having mental breakdowns. I'm not sure what that entails but I sure do feel I've had one everyday this week. I feel I have 50 million projects on my head and they all need to be done simultaneously and thus they all get half-done. Everything in my life only gets half my attention. I have no more time to give it except for that. Thus my mental breakdowns. I'm sick of everything being halves and not wholes. I just can't handle it anymore.
The problem starts with what I perceive to be an, immodestly put, Brilliant Idea. I MUST do this Brilliant Idea NOW! Thus I push everything else back to the waiting shelf while I tinker on it. But that darn shelf is sooo overloaded already with shelved things and people that things start popping off and bonking me on the head forcing me to deal with them and interrupting my present tinkering. Well today as I threw cooking stuffed tomatoes and bell peppers onto the shelf while taking down the vacuum cleaner, because Hubby popped off the shelf bonking me on the head to remind me to do it, the whole freaking shelf gave a mighty groan and broke to smithereens. And let me tell you, the crap that came rolling off that shelf was not a pretty picture. Now I am chin-high in all the ideas I've ever had for my life and no where to put them.
Are you with me now on the level of my mental breakdown?
I spent the day lolling around not knowing what to do with myself. Every time I looked around at the pile I'd pick up something interesting and turn it around in the gleam of my eye but then with everything piled around it it no longer seemed to hold it's appeal. My kids of course having their own labeled stairs and slide up and down that shelf could tell it was broken and were happy to run amok no longer having to be told to wait a moment while Mommy does this or that. So they ran amok throwing my shelved items hither and thither. My friend here in Al-Ain called in the middle of this shelf collapse. Wanted to know if I wanted to meet her at al-Ain Mall. I looked around at my invisible mess, my physical mess the kids made, and the fact that it would take us a half an hour to get there and told her the truth about the time. She said by that time she would have left the mall so there was no point to bother for now. *sigh* ahh...alhamdulillah said my mind as I hung up. It would have been awkward anyways with me so messed up mentally to make good conversation. I don't think I would have withstood the pressure of acting normal. I would have broke down crying in the middle of BabyShop's Super Sale bemoaning my broken shelf for all and sundry to hear. Yeah soooo glad I was able to keep it in the house.
I messaged my husband a few times about the state of my mind: not good. In the evening he finally called me and offered to take us out for dinner since it was an emergency day.
Mentally for me this was like I just went shopping for new shelf supplies, stronger brackets, bigger screws, a power drill, a slab of steel for the shelf instead of wood. I now had the tools.
So Hubby surprised me with taking us to Pizza Hut. Better yet was when my son fell asleep for the entire meal! Those of you with kids, yes I hear your hisses of envy. Daughter contented herself with discovering the joys of the Parmesan Cheese shaker and trying to copy her father's eating habits. Which left Hubby and I to start building my shelf. Deciding what should go back on the shelf and what should be tossed in the trash, what needed to be organized into boxes and put to sit, and which priorities should be on the actual to-do list. I guess it was almost like a Spring Cleaning of my life.
I have to focus first and foremost on Islam. Because first I am a Muslim, plain and simple.
Next I am myself. I have to take care of myself as in clothes, showers, grooming, weight, etc...
Third and Fourth tie as I am a Wife and Mother. I have to do what wifely things need to be done like the ever difficult for me cleaning and cooking etc... and for the children the Homeschooling and playing and giving love etc...
Now Fifth and so on are where it became hard to make decisions and I felt like that power drill just wasn't gonna be able to fix my shelf after all.
Who am I?
What am I?
A writer?
A designer?
A landscaper?
A blogger?
A business CEO?
An Artist?
Which ones goes to #5?
WHICH ONE!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!
AAARRRGGGGGGGG!!!!!!
The choices!
I talked about each subject with my Husband and even asked my daughter's input. I got a few leads but will have to continue this on another post....
For now I will just say the shelf is THERE again, waiting......
My Adventures in Tucson had a funny post about Authors and their faces on the backs of books.
For me I do not like their faces on the backs, whether large or small. But especially hate the large photos. I do like them on the inside of the book in the back. Yet sometimes they certainly surprise you how the author looks doesn't match with the image in your head. But with their faces on the back every time you shut the book you are taken a bit out of fantasy zone that half this book is an advertisement venue for the author. As I said in comment to Advn. in Tucson "It's kinda like watching a movie in the theater with the lights on." You can get into the movie plot but you keep getting distracted by the guy three rows down picking his nose then sticking his hand into the popcorn he shares with his friend. I.E. Reality Intervenes.
But it got me wondering, what about Muslim and Muslimah Authors? Do they put their pictures in their books? First point of course is some people believe photos are haram of people, lets not get into that. If that is your opinion ok. For those that view people pictures as ok think about this:
You just read a fabulous Science-Fiction book by made-up-author Lacy White. You reach the back after a satisfying ending and there is a color photo of a middle aged Muslimah white convert with a lovely green hijab that matches her eyes. She is smiling a beautiful yet modest writer's smile. What do you think of?
Firstly are you surprised that this Sci-Fi book which had nothing to do with Islam was authored by a Muslim?
Are you surprised she's a hijabi in the picture?
Do you think she is supporting the role that we Muslimahs can be great writers?
Or do you think her wearing hijab means she should NOT be putting her face all over the world and into the hands of non-mahram men?
Do you think she should not be smiling in case some weird man becomes attracted to her and starts stalking her?
What would Muslims and Non-Muslim's reactions be to a picture of just a black swathed niqabi picture for the Author Picture. Or even dare I say a fully burka swathed photo. Some might say the alter is pointless but is it? You know that this author is a burka wearing muslimah and come to some conclusions about her by her writing and what she is wearing, one thing is for sure though there is that shock by a non-muslim that what they read was written by THIS!
For current Muslim and Muslimah authors out there do you put your picture on your books? What do you write about yourself in the Author Descriptions? What do you feel about your fellow authors who choose to do the opposite from what you feel?
I had thought of this question a long time ago when I was first putting hijab. I thought when I authored a book, should I put my picture of me in hijab? Should I wear colored hijab? Should I smile? Should I let my eyes sparkle? Should I leave off the picture? Should I mention in the author description I'm a Muslim Convert. Especially with a name like mine writing Islamic Fiction it might be seen as odd and surely someone would want to know who the heck is this Brandy person doing talking about Islam. For non-Islamic Fiction would it be a turn off for readers to know you're Muslim? Would they stop buying your books? Some perhaps afraid of becoming brainwashed by your subtle words encouraging Islam (you know secret Islamic conspiracy messages).
What are your views on this issue?
How do they sit like that anyways? They look so comfortable! I'd just sit on the ground cross legged. We finally reached home and we made the kids sandwiches. Back in the darker interior of my house time caught up to me, the surreal beauty of the morning had faded to day and with it my sleepiness returned. Sadly though my children were still fired up and now had nourishment in their bellies. They didn't fall asleep until 9am and that was with some strong orders they they get in bed and STAY THERE! Finally FINALLY they slept! And OH HOW THEY SLEPT! Not even a toss nor a turn. I fell asleep around 10am just to make sure they didn't re-awaken. It was a beautiful morning though and It really made me pray that one day their schedules will normalize and I can get to take them out early in the mornings for some fun. I really felt like I wanted to run for miles straight into the sunrise. I recalled hearing how blessed this time of day was. How the angels were most active during this time of day. Makes sense because how many times do we succumb to Shaytan's Laziness to sleep in and waste a perfectly good morning. Yet when one does wake up early they get like a thousand more things done than normal. Subhan'Allah.
***
And to add for those curious when my Hubby got home and woke me at 2pm I couldn't bear to wake the kids after they only had 5 hours of sleep (though I only had 4) and let them linger on til 4pm. Then woke them and they were still groggy but I couldn't let them sleep a full 10-12 hours since that would end us back at square one of them waking at 9pm. Both were cranky all day which explains my previous depressed post and I got my son to go back to sleep from 6-9pm. We then went to bed last night at 1am after a movie and popcorn to soften them up to sleep. I woke up today about 9:30am. I think I'll wake them at 10:30am see if they are receptive...
I do wish though we could all wake at sunrise and go to the park to play for the mornings.
....If wishes were fishes.....
I said to the kids. So we take this underground tunnel that the African people were using in the war to flee and follow it too. I was heavy pregnant so it was struggle to carry both children as they fell asleep. The whole time I was walking I dreamed of the beautiful peaceful proper Islamic Islamic school I would finds when i get there to put my kids in. This bolstered me to keep moving.
Support Earth Hour March 26, 8:30pm, Turn Off Your Lights!
