7:02 AM

Confession: My Drug Addiction

Wrote: American Muslima Writer |

I am out of my mind with depression and misery and anxiety, waiting for that next hit. Trying to hold it off as long as possible. Yearning for that mad rush every time I take a bit. "I'm not a heavy user" I claim, yet there I go sneaking hits here and there. Sometimes I've gone a few days to a week without it... was I miserable? You betcha. Does my family realize the extent I go to get my drugs? Not at all. I hide it in different forms. I sneak it into the house under false pretenses. Sometime I even get my rush outside the house. Taking the kids out somewhere and I know they wont notice my purchase. They love their mother's sudden rush of energy and excitement.

I've been hooked on this drug for a long time and this past few weeks I've really had to come to terms with what it does to my body and mind. But naturally the more I realize what is wrong with me the more I crave my drug to ease the pain of stupidity. "Oh I'm a druggie eh? Well that's depressing, I need another hit."

But having found out my weakness has lead me at the same time to a solution to fixing it. It's sure as hell not gonna be easy. After all this drug is EVERYWHERE!!!! SERIOUSLY! You have to spend MORE time and money to AVOID it than it takes just to get it.

It's so common these days that they wrap it up in fancy packages and you can even have it served to you like royalty. Ahhhh, just typing about it is making me want some more NOW!

I'm sure you are wondering what is this drug I'm desperate to get everyday at least seven times a day. I will tell you. I don't fear Police Reprisal for my Confession but I do fear your mocking laughter. Promise me right now you're not gonna laugh at me. This is not some joke or prank I am pulling.

I am seriously addicted and you just might be surprised to know you might also be too......

I am addicted to Sugar. I have a sugar sensitivity to where my body craves it as deeply as any narcotic drug. If I don't get it I have wretched withdrawal symptoms. When I get a hit, I get a sugar high Ecstasy users would dream of. And I found out recently just how much it is ruining my life. Every time I get a bit of sugar my body becomes accustomed to the effects requiring me to need more and more over time until now it's come to the point large doses don't affect me and I have to seek out more high sugar content. A spoonful of pure Brown Sugar, or Honey, or sneaking in a juicy oozy Extra Large Kit Kat Bar with dribbly caramel. I save the KitKat for days when I'm super low. Or when I've saved up enough for my habit a large Iced Coffee with Mint Chocolate flavor with whip cream and caramel on top with a rich super chocolate cake. Arg, I'm drooling on my keyboard now and wishing I had the money to pop up to the Mall...

But there is hope for me and for you too if you are sugar sensitive and call yourself a "Sugar Addict" or "Chocoholic". My friend lent me the book "Potatoes NOT Prozac" and BOY OH BOY! did it open my eyes! This is one book recently I've been reading to battle my depression and to help overcome my mental meltdown I had a few weeks back. We'll discuss the other books I read and things I implemented later lets get back to the Potaters. So I reluctantly and dutifully copied all the info I'd need from the book into my own Food Journal. I've been lazy as all get out to do it properly everyday. But slowly I'm trying to ease the sugars down and be more aware of my body's responses to it. It has been helping.

Along with the other books I've been reading I feel more peaceful and better about life now alhamdulillah. Things are definitely turning around and all is not lost or hopeless. I appreciate your comments and concerns in the last post, it really helped me to know there are so many caring poeple out there.

12 intelligent thoughts:

Sarah Plain And Short said...

Salam aleikom

maybe you have hypoglycemia? I read a true story about a woman's daughter who was always wanting sweets and having sugar highs and major crashes..eventually her daughter never sought out any help and never changed her eating habits. she became depressed. Its a sad story I wont go into details, but the mother's point is that we need to be careful, and brown sugar is just white sugar dyed with molasses (so its not 'healthier' as some might claim). make duaa, make duaa, make duaa! i know this is really hard since sugar is in EVERYTHING and its so darn addicting!! I once read that everytime a person craves empty carbs (chips, candy, sugar sugar sugar) they should drink water, its the bodies way off saying 'hey im dehydrated'. ne ways hope you become stronger inshaALlah.

OhSoMuslim said...

Subhana'allah! I must say, I truly truly truly love chocolate. I don't have the feeling of depression if I haven't had it in awhile, its just that I lose weight(not drastically, but it is weird)and I also get a bit grumpy. I'm glad you're feeling better and May make this easy upon you Ameen.

Misalyn said...

This post really caught my attention. As a nurse, the first thing that came into my mind was 'narcotics" when I saw the images of syringes hahahaha.

As i read further, I laughed, just imagine that...I easily concluded about your so called 'addiction'.

If your 'addiction' to sugar is that much, please assess how frequent you urinate, your fluid intake and your weight.

Have a lovely evening.

Anonymous said...

Ever heard of Stevia? Its a natural herb that is 10x sweeter than sugar, but zero calories. And it curbs the sweet craving. I use it in my tea and it makes REALLY sweet tea. And after drinking it I am so sweeted out that the thought of eating anymore sweets is gross. And no it is not a fake sugar, its is a plant that just happens to be crazy sweet. You should look into it.


Br00ke said...

I'm glad that you are reading up on this and being proactive. A lot of people will simply not understand and even mock your problem. The addiction is very real and just as emotionally damaging as other addictions, obviously it has physical effects too.
Most addicts/alcoholics (there are A LOT in this country) never kill anyone in a carcrash or whatever and the bulk of the pain they cause their families happens when they are "sober" and fiending. Same destructive behavior with food. I read an excellent book once (can not remember a drop of the name!) about the research a woman did between alcoholics and blood sugar. It made a lot of connections between alcoholics and diabetics who became so through sugar abuse. Both were looking for a "high." She developed a treatment program for addicts that included strict diet management as many did turn to sugar for chemical dependency and she had excellent results.
Anyhoo, congrats sis--knowing the problem is half the problem, right?
Here's another article:

American Muslima Writer said...

Jen, thanks I have heard of it but I don't think UAE stocks it as of yet, insha'ALlah it will soon I'd liek to try it.

American Muslima Writer said...

Salam Sarah,

when iw as preg. I was hypoglycemic but since then I've been alright and perhaps Hypo-gly is another form of sugar sensitive... hmmm
thank you for your words I appreciate them very much.

American Muslima Writer said...


SubhanAllah life always takes unexpected turns in odd ways for different people. I hope things go smoothly for you too.

American Muslima Writer said...

Misalyn, welcome,

you laughed!!! now didn't i warn y'all in the post NOT to laugh!?!?!

I understand your reaction is normal but this book was written by people very knowledgeable in theri feild and masha'Allah make very good points, perhaps if you check it out sometime it might be a interesting read for you since you have a medical background.

Yeah I'm gld it isn't something as dangerous as narcotics but still, it is messing up my life, darn sugars...

American Muslima Writer said...


Thanks for your support!!!!

lol i think the book was the one you just mentioned that I mentioned in my post, talks about the same things anyways.

thanks for the link it was helpful.


Francesca Najea Lujan said...

Thanks so much for this post! My son just looked up at me and said - right as I was about to write this - you're fat from eating alot of cookies! I need to get my hands on that book and some stevia (sp?) might help too! :)

Anonymous said...

The information here is great. I will invite my friends here.


Support Earth Hour March 26, 8:30pm, Turn Off Your Lights!

Earth Hour - Proudly Committed