American Muslima Writer -Daring to Work Towards Jannah

Our souls deep within strive and struggle everyday to search for a way to find that deep inner peace, that oneness with the universe and the Creator of All. Realizing your place in the finite yet absolutely enormous reaches of space. Feeling in your heart and mind the answer to lifelong questions that beseech humanity.


Why are we here? What is our purpose in this life? What happens after we die? How can we achieve inner peace and contentment no matter our lot in life?

Many of us in this world and especially those of us in the blogosphere have searched long and hard for these answers. Yet I feel most of us have forgotten this long struggle for our souls. Upon discovering the beauty and perfection in Islam we immediately adapted our lives to follow the ways of our Blessed Prophet Muhammad Sallahu Alayhi wa Salim. We struggled day and night everyday of our lives to learn the words of the prayers and to push our bodies to accept the fasting we willed upon it for the sake of our Lord. Even in poverty we spent from our means to help others and at times we felt it. That peace. That deep inner peace. We feel Allah, our One, Beloved God, and the feeling brings us that peace until tears flow down our faces in gratitude.

Then the troubles and trials of the world interfere and slowly slowly ever so slowly we start forgetting. Easing farther and farther away from that peace. Frustration, sadness, depression, pain, anger, laziness, and exhaustion overwhelm our minds and hearts and we bob out our prayers more like robots than Muslims. We fast trying to sleep as much possible to make only a few hours of pain until we can stuff our faces with the feasts we prepared. Then comes the night, the Night of Power. Therein we strive to make up that lost ground and return to the fold of peace that enveloped our souls at the beginning of our journey in Islam. Some of us succeed and other spend the night in laughing, gossip, and chatter, or worse.

I KNOW that we are faced with ups and down in our Imans. I do know and accept this, BUT....

Just this week I realized I said Shahada August 5, 2001. It has been almost a decade since I said Shahada. A DECADE!


I find it absolutely unacceptable and pathetic that I am not more proficient in Islam. It is unacceptable and pathetic to me that I have not achieved a constant, or EVEN weekly, inner peace.


My soul craves that peace like no other thing right now.


Had I gone to University to become a Doctor I'd have managed to become a Neurological Surgeon by now. How is it then that I have not managed to learn to read Arabic better or speak it more fluently or memorized more Qur'an? How is it I still Struggle to remember to pray my 5 prayers on time without missing one. How is it I used to manage Sunnah Prayers yet now I don't have time? How is it possible that I am not better in Islam.

Islam is Submission to Peace. By following it (Islam) you find that Inner Peace. So by conclusion I can only surmise I am not following it enough. I am missing out on something essential that is not letting me attain this peace within. Am I doing sins? Probably as we all sin. But am I seeking forgiveness and repentance from these sins? Am I beseeching Allah Subhana wa Ta'ala for his forgiveness and to bring myself closer to Him. Am I dedicating my life to His service and way provided by the teachings of the Peaceful Muhammad Sallalahu Alayhi wa Salim? Am I immersing myself too much in worldly life and not enough in spiritual life? Am I forgetting how short this life is and how soon I will be in my grave wishing I had spent my youth and time in Prayer? I must search more to continue the struggle towards Allah.

Much to think on for us all on how to not forget that searching and questioning we strove for upon accepting Islam. How to again see the world anew with Peace in our Hearts and Souls.

We must NOT forget Peace.


We must NOT forget Allah.



Assalamu Alikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatu

This past weekend I actaully spent the whole day feeling like I was being partially brainwashed except I liked it.

The opening and commemoration of the World's Tallest Tower happened on January 4th.  The event took place on the same day as the aniversary of His Highness Sheikh Mohammad bin Rashid Al Maktoum taking assenssion to the Throne as Dubai's ruler 4 years ago.

To celebrate this mighty occassion they spent the entire day from sun up til probably about midnight on all local Dubai TV channels covering different aspects of the day and how the Burj Dubai was built. Inbetween talking about the Burj there was extensive coverage of the Sheikh himself. How he helps humanity and how humble he is to even sit on the bare dirt while speaking to an Elderly Emirati man who is also just sitting on dirt.  He built the man a brand new house and a whole community of houses in four months.  Masha'Allah.  He enjoys supporting the sports and camel and horse racing events.  BUT my particular favoritism for this man has to do with his involvement in the Literary world.  He largely supports Poetry and Literature.  His foundation has made the goal to translate 1,000 novels into Arabic language in the next three years, more than one novel translated in a day.  That is pretty awesome!  He is a poet himself and always attends literature events.  Now I'm not all googly eyed or anything like that as I'm well aware all people have flaws especially Rulers.  But as far as rulers go he's a lot better than MANY.
One of the weird things though was in the middle of Opening the tower Sheikh Mohammad RENAMED the Tower!!!  I was stunned.  There went years of advertising revenue aimed at imprinting the NAME of BURJ DUBAI into people's minds.  it is NOW BURJ KHALIFA.  Named after the Ruler of UAE, based in Abu DHabi.  So me and Hubby speculated why the name change and the best we could figure is because ABuDHabi just bailed out Dubai finacially and thus they are grateful?  AS I said it is speculation, don't sue me. I'm sure the real reason is out there if I wanted to take the time and google it... erm which i don't.....
But it's another excuse for me to go to Dubai and see something new.  I'm definitly going to go to the top someday and see the world.

Although the whole time I'll be fearing Allah's Wrath on the city where Sin and CORRUPTION is RISING!!!  Although NewYork is still standing.....and L.A. ...... and London.....  perhaps the Burj "formerly Dubai" Khalifa will be spared?

So here I am sitting here in the almost Fajr time and all of a sudden I hear a horrid screech and BAM BAM CRUNCH POP BAM BAM SQUEEEEELLL!!!!!
I live next to a roundabout that in the middle of the night is used in a race rally... finally someone got hit badly!
 I donned hijab and ran out only to find two men looking relaxed calling police and I asked if anyone is hurt and they look at me like I'm stupid.  I was the only female out there at 4am checking out the crash scene.... screw them then I went inside.... too darn cold out there anyways!

So the other night on Jan 1st we were coming out of the Bawadi Mall in southern AL-Ain and I'm walking happily holding my daughter's hand as we wander our way to the back parking lot. My husband is holding our son and walking ahead of us a little bit. It's about Midnight and  my daughter suddenly looks up at the sky and says "Why is the moon moving?" I opened my mouth to launch into a scientific explination of how it's not the moon moving, it's the clouds in front of it; when I too glanced up.  Before my very eyes the full moon appeared to literally be running through the sky.  Startled, I sttod still in shock and stared at it as if it would suddenly come to a halt but it didn't. It continued racing across the sky and for a panicked moment I seriously though the World is ENDING!
"Honey look at the moon!!" I cried with fear in my voice.
He glanced up and scoffed, "It's just the clouds moving!"
Perplexed and still quite frightened that the world might indeed be ending and I had prayers to make up I looked at the sky more closely. I stared hard at the clouds instead of the moon and indeed the moon stayed still finally and the clouds instead went racing across the dark sky.  Breathing easier yet still shaken we continued to the car.
After getting inside and settling in Hubby admitted for half a split second he too thought the moon was moving and to cover his fear he had to scoff to relieve not only himself but my fears as well.  Naturally he was right lol.
But imagine if the WORLD WAAAS ENDING!?!?!?!  We would have TOTALLY been unprepared!!!  This is why everyone must always remember that death can come at any moment ans we should be prepared because once death comes to us that IS the end of our viewing this world.  SubhanAllah.

Did anyone else out there have a weird End of the World moment?