10:02 AM

Husbands: Should they stay or should they go?

Wrote: American Muslima Writer |

If you don't like your job: you get another.
If you don't like your car: you get another.
If you don't like your clothes: you replace them.
If you don't like your house: you get a different one.
If you don't like your husband?
..................... uhhhhhhhhh......................?
If you don't like your kids, too bad, you can't exchange them for others (well at least morally you shouldn't).
If you don't like your parents, you can move out, but they will always be your parents.
If you don't like your in-law, you have to suck it up and negotiate.
So why if a husband is your family, you can replace him with another?

So in marriage often spouses fight and make up and fight and make up and fight and make up over and over again ad nausium.... so where is the line drawn to when it's time to give up and find another?

Some times that line is clearly crossed when abuse happens yet other times if there is cheating involved.
Yet on the other hand there are women who "stick by their man" and work it out.
In the old culture divorce seems less common than now a days.
We are so used to having everything convienient and easy-to-use that do we look at relationships the same way?
You should have unconditional love for your spouse as you do for your family and kids, yet often he doesn't have this for you and thus you don't have this for him. Maybe he sees you as replaceable so you feel the need to think the same.
In Islam, Divorce is allowed yet disliked. Families should try all methods to stay together as long as they can. Getting help, counceling, intervention..... it all seems so easily typed yet it's very hard to get this for some couples. So they just let it go and break up the marriage.
Other times it is crucial to break it up when someone is being seriously harmed in an unislamic manner.  Yet even then (sometimes often wrongly) people push to keep them in the marriage.

So just some food for thought today.... should your love for your spouse be unconditional or are their lines to be drawn and who draws them? Should they be stated explicitly or only spoken once transgressed?
Hmm lots to ponder.....
I was thinking about this as I was driving home yesterday how strange it is that finding a new job is much like finding a new husband.... gotta look your best, gotta make interviews, follow tangents, pray for help, take the plunge and sign the contract...... pray the job works out and pays for your needs....

weird how similar they are....

But like jobs, can Husbands be FIRED!?!?!

7 intelligent thoughts:

Pearl said...

When there is abuse in a marriage, thats the time to leave. If a man can not get his family to respect his wife and the man himself doesnt respect his wife, the woman is an idiot to stay and put up with abuse.

Islam says freedom and rights for both men & women. I know there are madhabs that are run my extremeists that think its ok to beat and abuse your wife BUT THEY ARE VERY WRONG.

Marriage is a contract in islam, divorce is disliked but its not Haram.

Allah knows the truth of all situations in marriages. Allahu alim.

Rays of Faith said...

Very interesting post, I didn't think of it as a job...yet it is.

Anonymous said...

why in the world am i speechless?oh maybe cz it IS our modern-islamic-wolrd dilemma...maybe i hate to believe the fact that i am seeing what i hate in two people i love...(hopefully u read it and that's enough for me)
your "Jawhara Bi Albi"

Safiyyah said...

I draw the line at cheating or beating ... most other things can be worked out.

Anonymous said...

They can be replaced, but so hard. The kids losing a father or mother is always a issue. IF no kids it is very easy to walk.
Had court yesterday and will call u to update.
Love u BFF

u know who...

Anonymous said...


First of all its not our opinion that matters but it is the Quran and the sunnah that we have to follow. It is not befitting for a believeing man or woman to have an opinion after Allah and his messenger have decided in a matter. Also please be careful when talking about "changing Husband" as there may be some muslims who are weak in faith and they may be going through a hard patch in their marage and this could encourage them break up, which is the last mesure!! also remember abuse is NOT always one sided. Many times ladies claim that they where beaten by their husbands when infact they themselves are violent towards their husband and disrespectful. Allah is the best of judges. I advice myself first and then eveyone els to FEAR ALLAH. Thank you!

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