I was laughing and chatting online with my sister-in-law H when she suddenly took me by surprise.
"So what's new in the stories?" she asked. I blanked out a moment while memories rushed to my heart.
I always share my latest pages scribbled about any of the current books I'm writing with this sister. She always listens and gets properly excited about my characters which in turns fuels my writing passion. I haven't been able to write for a very long time now. Her question brought back the hunger. The mad insatiable urge to pick up my sculpting pen and carve out a tale, a tale the likes that have never been told before. My heart wrenched with grief that my pen lay idle.
"Nothing new yet, you know, two kids and all." I weakly laugh trying to rid myself of this burning pain in my heart. I tried to describe to her how much I miss my writing and I know that she knows but does she KNOW MY HEART IS ON FIRE!?!?
Why WHY! am I forsaking my passion? WHY! Sure I have the normal excuses any woman has... 2 kids, a house that needs Arabized cleaning, a big list of to-do. But the sad reality is my writing is no longer even ON the to-do list as it used to be. I really did actually put on a calender before: "Write on *** story". Maybe I don't even know which story to write now if I even wanted to dig out my pen.
It's calling me back to it, the great Sculpting Pen of the ages. Calling me to make my mark on history. Calling me back to my passion of the written word. Calling me back to the days where I'd sit writing a poem and take at least an hour trying to find that elusive perfect word to describe an intense feeling. Calling me back tot the days when I'd manage a good six pages in my latest book while my teacher waxed on about the importance of learning American History. Calling me back to the days when I read for my friends during lunch the latest in my plots.
What agony I am in.
Why do we let our passions fall to the way-side? Why can't we let our sculptors within free? My inner passion has been chained down, tormenting my inner soul with the feelings of being lost without remembering what it was I lost. The distant call of my sister has it all rushing back, and in doing so, has fueled my life back into brilliance.
The soul is happy when following it's passion to the utmost.
I need my soul to be happy again.
It's my torment that I don't know how.
I don't know how to manage the already overwhelming task of taking care of my duties and still have time for the time-consuming task of getting my head back into the writer's mode and my heart to follow the lives of my characters. But if I don't think of a way I'll continue to feel this hollow ache in my chest where my heart is slowly withering.
The beat slows... wash the dishes... slower... vacuum the floors... slower... take out trash...
"So what's new in the stories?"... stutter... ! ... faster... a pen... faster... a blank paper... faster... a story!... Faster... MY STORY! ... BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!
THAT is living !~ Feeling your heart pound blood through your body.
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8 intelligent thoughts:
ok...so the first comment is by ur sister H!cool!it's the first time i leave a FIRST msg:P..i appreciate what u've written and sincerely wish to see one of your brilliant stories published and in my hands...getting ready to read it.may Allah give u the strength to do everything u love in this life...cz it's a journey we are on...and we never know what happens next,so live each moment:)alhamdulillah for goin back to your passion sis!
Assalaamu alaikum
Oh sis! I hope you can find some time and organise yourself so that you can write a little each day. I think it would be so good for you and motivating in other ways!
Id insha'allah be one of the 1st peron to go and grab a copy of ur story! dooooo take off some time to write! And as for the passion thingy....im dying to start my driving classes to get a license! I badly need to volunteer somewhere and the only thing that holds me back is this stupid prob of transportation..cabs and buses suck even more! *pulls hair*
Hado! Miss you darling esp since you were the inspiration for this post hehehe. Thanks for being the spark that set me off again and insha'Allah I'm thinking aout what to write right now. No easy to pick one and stick with it for me lol. U know that :p
Umm Ibrahim, insha'Allah i can find time but as you know with kids it's like ok when can i even breath for a sec?!?! lol
Hab: Go for it dear get your licence and then you'll be free on the roads...just watch those roundabouts they are wicked! Thanks for the confidence Hab.
WAS, I know your feelings. I will be cooking or doing a task and have an idea for something the character could do. It happens mostly too when I am driving around...subhanAllah. I bought a little cassette recorder to use while driving, but have yet to have it at the right time. InshAllah you should try the National Novel Writing Month. It is the whole month of November. WWW.nanowrimo.org. I did it last year and I am ready for this year! Great motivation.
Nicole, Wa Salam, Oh man, i hate that when you're zoning out you get the best ideas and more often than not forget them later hehehe. My Aunt once bought me a recorder too when I was a teen for capturing those inpirational moments but as I WAS A TEEN I used it to record my friends and I laughing hysterically for hours! Hehehe. Eventually it broke.... I do wish now as I'm older and wiser (ha!) that I can get another one... for writting and blog post ideas because I keep seeing something that makes me go YEAH! but then i forget... lol thanks for chiming in.
lol, 'a house that needs arabized cleaning'. Mine doesn't get it, but neither do I spend the time following my passions... I seem to be in stasis, no production on any counts!
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