4:11 AM


Wrote: American Muslima Writer |

I feel like that old song by Natalie Embrulia (sp?) TORN... "Nothing's right I'm torn..." but unliek her I'm not "all out of faith". I read Muslim blogs and it makes me scream at myself that why aren't you being a better Muslim and promoting Islam, Qur'an, Hijab etcetera. Why do you just whine about business and politics and spend so much pointless time reading "controversial" blogs. Sure it's interesting to see them fighting their opinions out but does it really matter? DO they change their opinions? Nope. The same A-holes keep slamming Islam. Ignorant of what it REALLY IS. Sure some are corrupt and don't follow it but there are SO MANY who do! In Lebanon I used to get my weekly deen lessons and not only that I learned from my friends who were so good. One friend especailly I miss. She IS strong and mash'Allah so sure of herself and her role in this life. She's a convert too so I know where she's coming from. She doesn't accept to be lazy at all in Islam and I always looked up to her but now I'm so far away. I was better when i was around her.
So now I'm so torn should I yet again change the style of my blog? It must be pathetically confusing for anyone reading this. First I'm a writer, then business wanna be tycoon(or just lady), then arab news blogger, then? then? then? Being from USA means I see the other's point of view so easily but sometimes I'm missing the biggest part of my own life. I'm Muslim and a strict one at that. Strict doesn't mean I'm alwzys good though. I have my lazinesses and weak spots. My friends in Leabnon used to help me with these. Masha'Allah I had THE dream about PROPHET MUHAMMAD (sallahu alayhi wa salam-sp?) the night before i was to see my friends and ask them for guidance about missing prayers. This dream has always given me strength to remember I can do it.
My blog doesn't stand out and say READ ME. If I wanna whine I should do it on my other blog but this blog needs to be something special. And most the time i feel it's sadly lacking. I saw a really good blog which posts nothing but self-improvement Islamic things and i was so happy. I felt better after reading her blog. DO people feel better after reading mine? I doubt it. SO I must ponder things more and decide what I will do. Maybe it would be better if I had a larger fanbase.... I could poll them hehehe. But the only way to get the huge fan bases like i see on these political blogs is to get everyone all fired up and fighting and then that doesn't make anyone feel good either. Is it a catch 22?
DaVinci says I should be following my impulses and I try to. I did chase a marching parade. But I want to be impulsive on my blog too. Should I reveal more of who I am? Should I reveal more opinions or facts or passages or or or or or!!!!!!?
*sigh* this is what I get for blogging in the middle of the night...nothing but questions and a headache.....if I had an investor or a book contract I wouldn't be in this mess ebcause I wouldn't have time to blog I'd post one of those "I'm too busy being rich and famous to blog today" remarks I see someties and my audience would sigh and go I wish I could say that instead of BLOGGING AT 4AM!!!
hmm maybe I should reveal a strange quirk about me everyday.....
this is besides the point all this!!!!!!

I have a duty to Allah to spread my knowledge far and wide, all of it! What is the point of gaining knowledge is you don't apply and then teach. Example: We learn to pray, we pray, we must then teach others to pray. There are dozens of websites out there about each topic and I feel lieka copy-cat if I try to be like them but inside I'm so many different things so it's hard to label my blog to one thing.... off topic again... should i change something? if so what? Or do people like my quirky blogs the way they are?

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