12:40 PM

Best Friends

Wrote: American Muslima Writer |

When I was a young child my best friend was a girl named Nicolette. She's an awesome chick and we had the funnest of times growing up. We would just call up and be like "So your house or mine this weekend?" Since then we've drifted into casual friends that talk now once every few months through little messages online. My other friends in Tucson also we barilly communicate anymore. Sometimes I find myself longing for those girly friendships again. In Lebanon I was close to having a best friend. She was Swedish named Katja. But after she moved to Sweden and I moved to UAE there has been little or no contact. I used to visit her weekly before I was pregnant, during pregnancy, she was even counting minutes between contractions with me, and of course after pregnancy until my daughter was about a year and a half old. We were comfortable with each other and would spend the day together. But though we got along well I never felt i was her BEST FRIEND. I still had to call and make appointments to visit her. I could never just assume i was invited over because that was the weekly plan.
Now in Emirates finding a best friend has been the hardest thing for me. I spoke before about this. Back when my Canadian friend who was like my twin was here. But she is gone and I haven't gotten more than one Instant Message from her in a year. Recently I've been meeting more regularly with another sister who's American and is around my age. But again I don't feel she views us as best friends who can just show up randomly at anothers house and it doesn't matter what the time or day or whatever.
That is one aspect of Lebanon I loved is you CAN just show up to people's houses and it's not rude, it's part of the culture. It's always nice thinking someone might randomly show up at your house by the Will of Allah. Never know when a friend might pop in. Which is why the Lebanese keep their pantries and houses perfectly in order for those unexpected visits. But still here in Emirates things are different even visiting Lebanese Family members here you have to call and make an appointment. So am I making too much of this best friend's thing? Are my expectations for women my age with kids unreasonable? Should I resign myself to never having that deep girly relationship again?
I'm an optimist and I don't really want to believe it wont happen but I can't believe for the past what, six years now I haven't had a really close best friend. Well there is my husband's younger sister but I feel she's not a best friend because I feel she's my sister. And the fact that she's younger than me has always meant I couldn't speak about certain things for years. But still if I could have that kind of relationship with someone NEAR me, my age, preferably with kids (so she can commiserate), I'd be so happy. Someone I could just randomly hang out with whenever I felt like it and who I know would be welcome to just pop by whenever they felt like it.

Or again am i dreaming? What with husband and kids schedules to deal with is this unrealistic?

9 intelligent thoughts:

Adventurous Ammena said...

salam, I know how u feel sis.. I think i posted about the whole BFF issue on my blog a few months ago. Its a sad state of affairs.. how about if i come over to UAE, you can visit whenever!! but i dont have kids ;) be grateful sis.. you got your hubby masha'allah

otowi said...

I think that is part of just growing up - you'll always need an appointment as adults, most likely.

I haven't had a best friend since school days. It would be nice for someone to get you and accept you like that - a husband, maybe, even?

Ms.Unique said...

Subhan Allah in this busy world of ours we get so caught up in everyday churns that most of the time it's difficult to be in contact with our close ones this is not only among friends but also family members, unless someone makes it a point to act differently .... even my best friends don't have time to contact me unless I send a msg or meet them accidently on chat .... it'd b really nice if we'd just break away from our routines and have friends visiting and sharing and spending quality time with eachother ..... I can understand ur feelings very well as I'm going thru the same situation where I want my BFF to b by my side and all the talking and fun stuff but it's not possible ..... I do worry abt it too and then leave it as something written in my destiny to b away frm my BFF's .... I try to console myself by being optimistic and I never give up hope that some day my wish will b granted .... I'm good at making friends Alhamdulillah but if I have to make some1 my BFF then I'm really picky lol .... May Allah help u find to a BFF soon Ameen .... don't lose hope it sure isn't immpossible ....

Susie of Arabia said...

I think that as we get older, the types of friendships that we have evolve from those that we had when we were younger. What happens, plain and simple, is a thing called ... Life. We get busy and involved with our own little worlds and sometimes things are so hectic that when there is a bit of time to yourself, you just want to be a recluse. Friendship takes work and effort from both sides. I don't have a BFF here and I do miss that, but I am in touch regularly with my BFFs back in Florida and Arizona.
And, when transportation is a problem, it makes it very difficult to just drop in on someone here! I don't think I would do that anyway...

maryanndipity said...

Living as an expat it is hard to have a best friend or really close friend because they eventually move away. That is one of the things that I miss the most about being back home in Texas. There were a group of us sisters we weren’t best friends but we were really good friends who would get together every weekend with kids or no kids and we would have potlucks and go to picnics in the park on a regular basis. If we wanted to visit no phone call was needed we just dropped by and had our coffee/tea. We would help in the kitchen, help each other with the kids, and help each other do piddly stuff. We would have garage sales together. I really miss those days.

ilka said...

salamu alaykum

good topic. as another said, life gets in the way. before my second child was born 6 months ago, i would see friends, have lunch, go to halaqas regularly and have coffee together a lot. now, i hardly see my friends. i have had to cancel outings because my kids would be sick or my husband would be coming home from travelling, etc.

i dont have a best friend here and i havent had one in a loooong time, but i do have great friends who i really like to be around. it is also hard to spend quality time with family as well as friends. it got a lot harder with another kid, before i just had one to take care of.

also, i have met great ppl and just as i am getting to know them, they move away...i so hate that! i have met some great women who i have really got along with but then they move back to their country and then i feel abandoned. but that is life. i have also met someone while visiting another country who i really liked, but then it was time for me to leave and havent talked to her since.

i do hope you meet someone who will eventually be your is great to have one.

Nicolette said...

Hey Brandy,
I was just scrolling through your blog and noticed my name. I am glad that you still think of me, I still think about you often. Hope everything's going good for you and your family. Although we are not best friends anymore, you will always be my friend. e-mail, facebook or myspace me sometime when you have a free second or two okay.

Anonymous said...

Oh, I can identify with this entry on so many levels. I think women will ALWAYS want to connect with each other on a deeper level, no matter how great our husbands are or how busy we are with the kids. There is something about female companionship that is truly unique.

Khayr insha'Allah. Sometimes I think, in my most lonely times, that Allah (swt) is the Best of Companions, and that my loneliness is a test for me to rely completely on The Most High.

American Muslima Writer said...

Ammena, subhan Allah I wish we could get together :)
And tho I am grateful for a husband who is good I still miss that gily stuff like braiding each other's hair and taking about which shade of lipstick goes better with a dress...yeah hubby's not too into that talk...

Otowi same i said above to Ammena, though it's ture life changes as we get older it's still a role a husband can't always fulfill. SubhanAllah. Thanks for your comment I appreciate the input!

Support Earth Hour March 26, 8:30pm, Turn Off Your Lights!

Earth Hour - Proudly Committed