Followers

I'm going to post a small part of a post I put on my private blog because I feel it needs to reach wider and everyone neeeds to take the time to appreciate their children more.

*I yelled alot at my daughter today and finally she's getting sleepy after three hours of trying to get her to sleep*.........My mind is working frantically though as she starts to wear down. WHere is this coming from all this hate and anxiety towards my own daughter whom I love so much and would go to great lengths for? Obviously Shaytan is messing with my head. So I begin reading Qur'an for us both and it calms her down to sleep and me down to clearheaded. Finally she drifts off and I march here to the PC to do some major research. I've had it. I'm sick of yelling at my kids and feeling like al-Qaida surrounded by "Kuffar". (ie hot blooded). ..... I feel like crap and they feel like crap and this is all not healthy at all and it has to change NOW not tomorrow. So I'm googling things now and I will post it to both sites the links though not the full story of course. I already hear your critisim beleive me I know what a poophead I'm being. I'm the one who has to look into their hurt blue eyes and trembling lips and so I AM trying to find a way to stop this. I know it all stems from the chaos of life right now but it's such a visious cycle. Kids up all night sleep in the day eat irregularly etc,.. it all ties together but I don't know how to get it to re-adjust itself..... ugh.... ok let me get these links going:
http://www.babycenter.com/400_how-can-i-stop-yelling-at-my-toddler_500774_1000.bc
How to Stop Yelling
http://daddybrain.wordpress.com/2008/05/20/stop-yelling-daddy/
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20080111132054AALB4qR

Oh my god. I really am literlly crying now because I just read this aweful poem about child abuse and it's so terrible and yet so real and true that it kils me all over again that I even shout once at my kids. Ya ALLAH, please have mercy on me and stop me from doing this horrid thing to my kids.... PLEASE!
http://www.babycenter.com/400_how-can-i-stop-yelling-at-my-toddler_500774_1000.bc?pageSize=10&startIndex=10&questionId=500774&ownerId=1000
(about fifth or six comment down on this last link I found this)
"I too yell at my littl girl. Sometimes it's so fustrating and when shes yelling and crying and whining all morning, I feel like I'm not good enough and I'm not a good mom. Then I just break and yell back at her really loudly, and sometimes I start crying after because i feel so bad.. When I yell at her she gets scared and jumps and starts really crying, I just want to die after it happens but it's already done. I want to be more calm and patient, she is only 13 months but I feel so stressed out sometimes. Today was one of the few days that i really yelled back at her and I put her down for a nap, and went and relaxed for a while. When she got up I was trying to be really patient and calm and nice to her cause I felt so terribly auful. I then came to work today and a friend of mine sent me an e-mail called Blue Ribbon Against Child Abuse and I read it, it goes like this:
my name is sarah I am but three my eyes are swollen I cannot see I must be stupid i must be bad What else could have made My daddy so mad? I wish I were better, I wish I weren't ugly, Then maybe my mommy Would still want to hug me. I can't speak at all, I can't do a wrong Or else I'm locked up All the day long. When I awake I'm all alone The house is dark, My folks aren't home. When my mommy does come, I'll try to be nice, So maybe I'll get just one whipping tonight. Don't make a sound, I just heard a car My daddy is back From charlies Bar. I hear him curse My name he calls I press myself Against the wall. I try and hide, From his evil eyes I'm so afraid now I'm starting to cry. He finds me weeping He shoults ugly words, he says it's my fault That he suffers at work. He slaps me and hits me, And yells at me more I finally get free and run for the door. He's already locked it, And I start to bawl He takes me and throws me Against the hard wall I fall to the floor With my bones nearly broken, And my daddy continues With more bad words spoken. "I'm sorry!", I scream But it's now much too late His face has been twisted Into unimaginable hate. The hurt and the pain Again and again Oh please God, have Mercy! Oh please let it end! And he finally stops and heads for the door, While I lay there motionless sprawled on the floor. My name is Sarah And I am but three Tonight my daddy Murdered me.
I know it's too sad and very extreme, but we must try to stay calm with our children, because they sometimes know no better. After reading this poem, I know I will make an effort to try and understand my chilkd more, and get angry at her less. posted 3/29/2006 by Guilty mother canada "

Oh MY, are you crying too? Can you just feel the girl's wanting to love her parents? Don't you look at your own children and think how often they just want our love too? Why am I doing this too my kids? Because I'm stressed about the hosue and marraige and life and everything? It's not even worth one tear from my baby. Maybe this poem affects me more because I have been in abusive foster homes and all I wanted was parents to love me and they wouldn't. We have so much love to give our children and we waste time doing other things. Ya ALlah.
Here's the last link: http://actagainstviolence.apa.org/specialtopics/yelling.html

2 intelligent thoughts:

MyHijab said...

Raising kids is hard. Don't beat yourself up so much. I've done my share of yelling too. Sometimes it is really difficult to realise what you are doing until after you have done it.

Forgive yourself and move on. Your kids will love you no matter what because you are a good mother to them.

The one thing that I do is as soon as I can feel myself about to yell, I take a very deep breath and then i tell Hana that I am really upset with her and that i am about to yell really loud. If she doesnt want me to yell loud, then she should stop whatever it is she is doing.

It always works and I guess with her being 4.5, she gets it. I hate having to threaten her with yelling, but its way better than actually yelling.

I also find that there are times when they are whinging and whining and tour going nuts. I get down on her level, and just hug her. You will be surprised how this changes their behaviour. I did it with Hana this morning. she didn't want to wear those socks and she didn't want her hair brushed and she didnt want to put her clothes on etc etc. I took a deep breath, got down on the floor and I hugged her. She snuggled up to me for a while and then she said, "sorry mamma" all on her own.

I do think that age makes a difference too.

ANYWAY: what I just want to say is that you are a good mum I am sure and your kids love you. That is the main thing.

Salam

TheAngryMuslimah said...

Good post sis,

I must confess yelling is a kind of abuse.and it happens so fast...and I am so guilty of it....The other day I was on the phone, frying chicken, mending a sock, watching Maury Povich (You are not the father...lol..my guilty pleasure) booking a flight for my husband,and making pie dough and I had my step-daughter pulling on my jilbab saying Ummie, Ummie, you know I am sure all mothers know the ummie song when a child wants nothing at all..

The child just wants to say your name...because something else seems more interesting to you than she does.....Anyway

...I turned around and yelled.....Ya Allah(swt) I still remember the tears forming in the corners of those little almond eyes......

I have gotten better
its so hard for me...I am not used to having a kid or baby around me everyday.......patience...that I need work on

keep me in your dua's

.........great link by the way ....I..love you....Brandi.

Nasi

Support Earth Hour March 26, 8:30pm, Turn Off Your Lights!

Earth Hour - Proudly Committed