4:48 AM

Perfect Muslimahs

Wrote: American Muslima Writer |

Sisters with our pretend halos on our heads. We are not Angels though. We try and try to be oh so good but we all have our faults. Yet you would never know it looking over the blog world. Our blogs seem to be divided in two. Those who aren't afraid to tell their failings and those who are. Those who aren't tend to go after the tough questions in life in an attempt to better oneself and others but those who are afraid tend to ignore their failings under a banner of Privacy. I'm not saying everyone should blurt out their deepest darkest secrets or tell us all how many times they slept with their husband or whatever. But sometimes when we look at these squeaky clean blogs we need to realize there is a sister under that beautiful mask that is hiding pain.

haven't you seen those beautiful ballroom masks they wore in the days of Olde? They were so flawlessly beautiful and you could be anyone you wanted to be while you wore them. Yet under them you are a turmoil of emotions.
I will use myself as an example so no one thinks I'm pointing fingers.
I have now how many blogs!?!?! 5! Oh my! If a person who hasn't known me online for very long trips up onto my steps of words to visit me and says WOW how does she do it all? She's got this Directory and this AMW Blog! Oh and there's the new Jummah Resolutions! Later she's gonna do some good for Muslimah Authors and can you believe she does all this and still homeschools with a new blog, cooks and cleans, and irons and takes care of her husband.

Well don't believe it honey. Not for one minute. It is my beautiful glittery mask of perfection.
I have my issues. Lots of them. I have my pain. Deep Pain sometimes. I have my disorganized fritzy days where I'm staring at my blog page with glazed eyes then turn it off ignored. I try to make my first priority my kids. Then my husband's wants like a clean house and nicely cooked food. Then my kid's schooling, THEN it comes down to my free time. i break it up between my billions of projects.

I don't know why the past month or so I haven't felt like commenting to many people on this blog or on anyone else's blog. It's weird and i apologise. But recently I've been forcing myself to get out there again and mingle more and be more open again to meeting new bloggers. And it helps. The more I like talking to them the more I remember why I loved Blogging to begin with. Meeting awesome new people everyday. But as I jump blog to blog I'm realizing how careful we all are online not to expose ourselves too much in case someone tries to burn us online. Sometimes we try so hard and succeed that we look flat. As un-personable as those masks. Sure I love the "how-to-help-yourself" blogs that lead you step by step into a more organized and flowing life but on these blogs you don't see the real person deep under. you don't know their fears. You don't know why they shed their tears. They are flat blog people stuck in cyberspace.
Sometimes I'm constrained by my own limits on my blog It makes me want to scream. WHY CANT I BLOG ABOUT THAT!!! I wanna yell. Ahhh, because if you say that the blog world will take a collective gasp and burn you down the invisible hole. Also I constrain myself by what my family and friends read. Hubby says: Don't say this. Friends will say: She said WHAT! Etc... So sometimes I read bloggers who hide their identities and are free to say whatever they like and I envy them. they are free to take off the mask and show their real souls. Souls that tell a real tale. A tale that others like me flock to so that we can feel our Humanity.
What about you guys out there? Do you feel sometimes your blogs are too goody goody? or do you think you can add more depth without compromising your identity safety?

9 intelligent thoughts:

Lisa said...

I'm so glad that you've been willing to take off your mask Brandy. You talk about issues that are important, and you reveal just enough to where we don't know everything but we have some idea.

Honestly, the blogs that are the best and perhaps the most followed are those where the blogger isn't afraid to be real. I think of Chasing Jannah, Bring The Rain, and your blog when I think of these.

I think that on some level you do have to compromise some of your identity to reveal your soul. But, really it is all worth it. No one can possibly say that you keep going into your fantasy blog world and can't face reality. If you pour out your heart and soul in the blog world, you really have accomplished so much more than you know. In your case, I really mean that Brandy. You will very well lead a sister to Islam this way.

Best wishes for a restful night dear sister.

NiDa said...

Oh dear sister - Sometimes saying too much makes you feel naked! Everyone around me tells me I am too open - I say things like they are - and they fear I don't necesserely think of the consequences. BUT I tell them that once you have tasted the worse of life, everything else is quite sweet! I don't mind sharing my thoughts as long as I think some one could benifit from them. My family thinks I'll go crazy because I over think every single simple thing lol, but then I fear being ignorant! I fear being like people who just let the world pass them by and all they are absorbed with is them selves!

I love reading your blog sister, Your eloquent ways of getting your thoughts across - and I don't think you are completely concealed behind that beautiful mask.. You are the beautiful mask. Though you don't like to reveal your most intimite thoughts,(which is understandable) you still show us many nice things.
Be well, inshaAllah and do that which makes you feel most comfortable with yourself :)

Francesca Najea Lujan said...

As-Salaamu-Alaikum Sister Brandy,
You raise an interesting point that I often think about since I made hijrah to Morocco. Id keeping it real, really worth it? I'm from NY and reality is the way to go, coming from where I am from. People always praised my poetry for that reason. But, here in Morocco, it's vastly different. Everyone is always sooo nice and hospitable and yet, that's the mask. You don't feel the truth, the warmth, the real love here. It's sad really. I am always so very homesick. Thank God for the blogosphere because this is where I can find and connect with real sisters.

American Muslima Writer said...

thanks for your sweet words I really do appreciate them dearly.
I will comment again later when I'm feeling more up up up.

Francesca Najea Lujan said...

ASA Sister,
I'm writing about this post of yours on my blog. I'm tagging you too. So, please check me out.

Francesca Najea Lujan said...

ASA Sis. Brandy,
Writing about the imperfect realityh as gotten me down. :( So, I am going to sleep... and then finish the post tomorrow. It's just too sad as it stands now. So, check back with my blog tomorrow to see how I linked my post to yours.

Empress Anisa said...

Well, my outlook on this is that I try to reveal some of me like the little things that happen with me and my kids but not get too personal- mention no names and other things- only because, unfortunately in this disgusting world, you always have to be "on guard"- that's why I post general pics- none of my family or myself because you just never know.

I know I have invited alot of my friends and family to read my blog but I try to keep things general that I know I could repeat to anyone without someone getting upset (I don't really mention friends) and nothing that somebody could "twist the story around" and bring back to my husband- you know the type- they read a story then decide "I wonder if her husband knows about this..." type deal- then you have other unnecessary problems because other people are just plain stupid.

Blogging became an outlet for me to talk about my move from New York to Cairo but is has become something entirely different! So, I post whatever strikes my fancy for the day or something that has been on my mind... and I like to throw some self-help stuff in there for those who just don't know HOW to achieve their goals or express themselves... with living life and being almost 39 now, I lived to see alot of things and if I think some of my knowledge and/or past experiences might help someone deal or cope, then I write about it.

Never visited you before until now.. came via Hijabi Couture and her post about your post! lol

I am a subscriber now!!!!!

Hanifah said...

ASA Brandy, I agree that the blogs can be a little empty. Then again, once somethings out in cyberspace it can't be railed back in. I think there are ways to share details on the grand scale of emotions of life without compromising ones privacy. Modesty plays into if for me as well since as you and I both know that modesty extends far beyond the hijab. I think we are all out her trying to express ourselves and still maintain a semblance of privacy insha'Allah.

Susie of Arabia said...

Hi Brandy - I can really relate to what you have said in this post. I love to read and comment on other people's blogs, but sometimes it gets to be too much and I just have to step back for a while. And what you said about not being able to write things that you would really like to say - it's so true. When I first started my blog (I knew very little about blogs then and never read any at all!), it never crossed my mind to blog anonymously. We are open friendly Americans who speak our mind, right? But not when you get to this part of the world. Still, I am so thankful for the whole new world that blogging has opened up for me - without it, I would definitely go stir crazy living in Saudi Arabia!
And Brandy dear - if you are writing five blogs, taking care of your kids and hubby and home, plus homeschooling - you are a force to be reckoned with! I am in awe!

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