"You're the best mommy in the world." says my daughter as I help her down from standing on the desk holding her toy box for her so she wont drop it. As her toes reach carpet I release her and wish I were so badly the best mommy in the world.
I recieved the Best Mom of the Year Award from two wonderful bloggers but everytime I go to post about it I shake my head and feel like a hypocrite. How can I accept such an award when I know I don't deserve it?
There are times my kids want to play with me and I don't.
There are times when they want me to make them the best snack in the world and I don't.
There are times when they ...*sigh* I can't even go into it all I really can't... I'm so miserably depressed lately when I think about my mothering skills.
I love them absolutly to death and would do anything for them but the real definition of love is what you do for them daily, hourly, even every minute. It's there I feel I'm failing. There is so much I want to do with them. There is so much I want to say. I want to be free to just deal with life in my own unique way but I can't. So everything gets jummbled together and nothing gets done to my satisfaction. There are people above me to answer to. My whole life I've longed for freedom of restrictions of obeying others. I love my parents dearly but they know as well as I that I wasn't meant to live under someone's roof. I was meant to live under my own. I have weird and strange ways to go about doing what needs to be done and sometimes it's the rest of the world that gets in my way.
I love my husband and my kids and everyone in my life I honestly do and I understand the roles we are all assigned but deep inside sometimes I wish I was at the top of the ladder dictating my life..... I really can't go on much more right now, I'm very upset. Don't even know why I put this on AMW instead of my private Ivory Rouge but perhaps to let all you wonderful poeple out there see life is not always peachy and why I haven't blogged about the "Best Mom of the Year Award".
7 intelligent thoughts:
ASSALAMU ALAYKUM
my guess is, that if u asked any mother if she were a good mother, and if she were being honest she would say she is not doing what she should be doing, or to the best of her abilities. I really honestly believe we all do the best we can with what we have, and a "good" mother is the one who isnt trying to deceive herself that she did everything fine and great, but had a million areas to improve... I know some pretty wonderful moms, and they say the same thing, it is something Allah put in the heart of a mother, that she will always feel her children deserve more and she has to do more, subhanAllah, it is a gift really so try to forgive yourself, and continue to put one foot in front of the other... and always, always ask Allah for help, and He will help you, because in shaa Allah the duaa of the mother will be accepted... is it any wonder why that is????
love u in Allah ukhti... take it easy on yourself :D ((big hugs))
Asalaamu `alaikum Brandy,
Awwwww!! Don't be so hard on yourself!! Masha'Allah, I think you're doing just fine :-D
**hugs**
Oh, hey I think we're all like this. I think it's so hard to be everything to everyone - we just can't be. And I know that many times I throw a toy to my baby girl (yes, that's right, as if she's a puppy) and tell her to get it so I don't have to get up from writing or reading.... my selfish pursuits. But then i think, if you're not a little bit selfish, what will you have achieved at the end of the day? You'll have a perfect house and a perfect-looking family but you won't have achieved anything for yourself.
I mean, yesterday I cleaned my whole house. In the afternoon I stopped my writing and made everything spick and span, tidied up, dusted, I did everything. But I lost hours of writing doing that, and that upset me. And my baby cried through most of it because she hates when I clean (I'm not sure why..) so I tried to hold her and that was weird and tiring for me.. but I tried t9o i clude her.
I'm sure you have things you do that there's no way you could include your kids in, things you have to try to do with them there, and that means sacrificing some of your attention to them.
But at least you're there with them. They know you love them and want them. No one is perfect.
can I say that you have made my day? I am trying not to be insensitive, but I am so glad that there is someone out there with the same mothering skills. Don't let it depress you, embrace it! Our kids love us no matter what!
I feel so normal, although this post is about how you feel.
Thanks Brandy
Assalam alaikom...
I feel the same way so many times.. Like I am not good enough. Between work 40+ hours at my job and then sharing split custody with my ex husband.. just draining.. And when I do have them. I feel like I don't play as often as I should, or I am too tired and a little cranky from work. Your blog hit home!! But I think we as mothers are hard on ourselves.
you know, as mothers we will always be our own worst critics, but kids do not need us to do everything all the time with them or always give them the best things. All they need is our love and to them that makes us the best mothers in the world. Every kid thinks they have the best mother in the world and yes you are one of them so display that award with pride.
love from Tucson
Jen
Aaawww Masha Allah,
I'm not a mother but I know it takes dedication, love and a lot of patience to raise children. You really are a "super hero" in the eyes of your children, even if you feel you don't always give them what you think you should be giving them, trust me, you are doing a lot more than you think and your children love you for it!
thoughts from Seattle :)
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